Depression / Anxiety

[Charley1511]

Hi all, I am pregnant, thought it's what I wanted but ever since I found out have been so depressed, I'm 42 first time I have ever reached this stage (previous TFMR) so feel like this will be my last chance, I'm anxious about so many things and feel so overwhelmed, am I right bringing a child into this world, my husband is a fantastic support apart from that I only have my mum and worry about feeling lonely and how I will cope going back to work and juggling everything at this age, The only time I'm happy is when I sleep. I've been prescribed setraline but worried about the baby having withdrawals, does anybody have any advice at all of coming through the other side as I can't see it and just want my life back.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Whilst I have no experience of the depression you're experiencing I did just want to reassure you that having a baby can lead to a whole new social life if you want it to. I did NCT classes and met several mums that I spent my maternity leave with, I got talking with neighbours and friends of friends who I'd never been close to before, I did baby classes and swim socials and met new people there too. I would say you might be a bit lonely with just your mum for company but you can build a really lovely social life with your baby if that's what you want and they become better company when they're a little older anyway :)

Thank you for that perspective, I appreciate it 🙏

Just sending a bit of support as well.

I was very stressed in my first pregnancy about whether I wanted to be a mum, and whether 'mum life' would be as fulfilling as my career, travel and life pre kids. Also worried about therefore whether I'd be a properly loving mum to my child or whether I'd end up resenting them.

My experience post birth was really transformative - having a baby and becoming a mum was a life changing experience and added a level of meaning and contentment I had never imagined during the pregnancy. Even the day before I gave birth I would have said I had more doubts than excitement, but it changed the instant I had my baby in my arms.

I also managed to find lots of wonderful people to support afterward - neighbours, local groups sharing secondhand baby kit, whatsapp support groups some antenatal class contacts etc. And then you don't lose your pre baby friends and colleagues either. I'd recommend trying to find a few local mum meet ups and maybe some baby classes, swim sessions, walking groups, or post natal yoga or something - it's lovely to have a reason to go out and some milestones in the week to look forward to.

When is babba due? X

Thank you for your support.
Due March 2027, I'm just so full of dread and anxiety I feel awful for feeling this way.
That is also a lot of my questioning with regards to travel and life change etc. which is likely due to having only had myself to think of for 42 years!

No way of saying it won't change travel and life massively. Personally, I can only say it's been worth it a thousand fold. I would never choose to go back to a world where I didn't have a child now, it would feel much less meaningful.
(Though I've sure had moments when I wish I could pack her off somewhere for a week or two 😅).

There's also a lot of personal expectation to celebrate the feeling of pregnancy and be joyful, but please be confident it doesn't make you a bad mum to be anxious, nervous, and depressed during the pregnancy and post natally. It's really tough!

Good luck for March - beautiful time of year to have a little one!

Lovely I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but please know it's very common and understandable. It's a huge and daunting life change that you can't ever fully predict or prepare for. The sertraline is usually really good for anxiety. I used it after pregnancy while bf'ing and it was a lifesaver. The perinatal mental health team can give more advice as well. Good luck <3

Honestly reading this, feels like I could have written it.
16 weeks and have the worst depression of my life. Been crying all day.
Maybe we can connect x

Are you getting any formal support such as from a counsellor or can you be referred by your GP to the local perinatal mental health team?

I was depressed during and after my first pregnancy and was supported by the mental health team who were very good.

I took fluoxetine which is very similar to sertraline and I was told the risks to the baby were very low. In fact lower with sertraline than fluoxetine. Baby had no issues after birth at all and is very healthy. Currently still on medication and expecting baby 2.

Thank you for your response and congratulations on your second. Yes I have been referred to perinatal mental health, I just can't see a way through at this stage I feel at a loss I'm so overwhelmed.