Hi all,
Reaching out here for advice and just a warning in advance I discuss loss here
I lost a pregnancy at 2 months back 2 years ago. First time I was pregnant and we were devastated. It was a much planned for baby
The pregnancy was hard from the get go. Following the loss I spent time trying to understand why including the issues around my mental health I experienced during the pregnancy. To cut a long story short, during my pregnancy I was in line to see a psychiatrist and even after the loss I was told it’s very likely I am autistic and what I experienced was extreme overwhelm and later that year I was diagnosed. I also spent a year in therapy on the grief of it all and received help from my local NHS perinatal team
Unfortunately I haven’t fallen pregnant again. The journey has been very lonely but I did confide in my cousin who would occasionally reach out. I went to her wedding during the height of my struggles. In our last convo she was like you will get pregnant you will see it. Recently she text me saying she was pregnant with a baby scan attached saying they are excited. I’m really happy for her. Given my own struggles I appreciate what a blessing it is to fall pregnant and have a baby.
However I am shocked at the lack of sensitivity about how she landed the message. I appreciate she text me but there has been no thought about it. Not even how are are to follow afterwards. I have congratulated her.
just for context we grew up together and we are close. She’s seen me cry and at my lowest. I spoke to her in detail about the miscarriage
I can’t really say throughout our relationship she has shown up for me. after my loss, even though we were close she never reached out to see how I am other than to find out what’s going on in my life
If anything I find she tries to compete with me and I’ve never understood why. After she found out about my miscarriage she started reposting videos of social media of babies so I shut down all my social media to avoid it. she had never been interested in babies before then or ever posted content like that but I felt she became hooked after she found out I had clearly started trying for a baby
She’d call me to find out how the baby journey was going and would ask quiet intrusive questions. In fact the last time she called, I now realise she was pregnant but of course I didn’t know at the time.
During my grief I’ve been so lucky to have some amazing people reach out. Extend their hand and show me love and from people I never expected. Just to cheer me up and see if I am ok
welcome thoughts on all of this. Should I feel this way? Should there have been more sensitivity? What should I do next