Single mum of 1 and pregnant again

[ThisNavySeal]

Very stuck on what to do, the father of my child is an addict, completely destroyed my pregnancy and first year of sons life. Abandoned us, cheated on me multiple times, gave my no financial or emotional support. A couple months ago he came to me saying he wanted to go to rehab so I helped him sort everything he stayed with me for a few weeks then went off the rails again and then got arrested and is looking at a really long time in prison. I’ve found out I’m pregnant and just don’t know what to do. I know it would be more peaceful this time as he’s not in and out but I don’t want anymore ties with him than I already do. Also don’t really agree with abortion but I just don’t know how I would cope completely on my own. Part of me wants to move on with my life and the other is happy to give my son a sibling and delay moving on for a couple years. I’m 6 weeks along. Would like some advice pls

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. In your shoes I would terminate the pregnancy immediately. This man is not going to change.

Your Son deserves your full attention it sounds like you’ve both had a hectic few years. Having another child to the same man who has already put you both through so much and shows no care or consideration for either of you makes no sense at all. Love alone can’t raise a healthy child. You sound very vulnerable and I would advise you to seek counselling for everything this man has put you through. Focus on yourself and your Son and no, I would not advise you to continue this current pregnancy.

Can you afford two children? Is your home big enough? Can you handle everyday and (full time?) work with two children?
Have you got 'a village' to support?

Why on earth did you have sex with him!

I would not have another child. I would also not facilitate a relationship with his existing child - I would walk. He can play happy families when he’s served his time and sorted himself out.

get some therapy. Stay single.

I would terminate as on those circumstances my existing child would experience a lower standard of living. They're the priority

Well, you were stupid for having sex with him for all kinds of reasons, but that ship has sailed. It entirely depends on your circumstance. If you have an amazing job and can cope with 2 on your own, then go for it. If you can’t, then you really need to consider your options.

Having a parent in prison, and who's an addict, are both traumatic Adverse Childhood Experiences which impact a child for life.

Can you move far away, so the criminal can't find you when he's inflicted back on society? He could end up having your kid 50% of the time.

There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’d be having another baby in your shoes.

I absolutely wouldn't be adding any more unheaval to your existing child's life, it already sounds like he had been through a lot.

I would focus on supporting your son and helping him deal with the very difficult situation he's in, seek help for him and ensure he has a stable village around him as he grows. Don't underestimate how damaging his father and all he's had to deal with up to now could be as he grows.

Stop having unprotected sex with horrible men!

Sorry but I would terminate in your position.

No I wouldn't have the baby. The baby would be born into a traumatic life. It's really not fair. Do you have a big amount home, financial security, a job? Could you support another child?

@ThisNavySeal

I would advise making an appointment with your GP on Monday, so that every possible option is open to you.

A termination. Then work on yourself and building a good life with your child.

I would make sure that man is completely removed from your life and focus on bringing up your two children in stability.

If you really want to have this baby, then do so, but please don’t plan your future around the father. Your child or children deserve stability and an active addict won’t provide that.

Everyone is different. Personally i'd have an abortion.

Your circumstances are so suboptimal I'd just focus on the child you have. Your child is already disadvantaged by virtue if his father so i would focus my energy on him.

However its deeply personal. If I was doing it....I'd do it sooner rather than later

whatever you decide.... post fact I would get on reliable contraception (coil or implant)

I'd have zero to do with the father either way.

If you are against having an abortion, there is plenty of help out there. You don't mention family, a job or anything so it's difficult to give you advice with so little information.