I can categorically say I have hated every second of being pregnant

[AllIwantForChrismasIsAKitchenAidStandMixer]

First baby, very much wanted and planned although ever since I found out I have been experiencing a lot of second thoughts and grief for the life I currently just have with DH.

Its sad to say it but I cannot think of a single thing I have enjoyed about being pregnant and I cannot wait for it to be over (now 30 weeks).

Physically:

• awful feeling sick and dizzy in the first trimester
• fatigue
• raging heartburn
• pelvic pain
• breathlessness
• inability to do my normal exercise
• hate the feeling of baby moving inside me - it just feels weird and uncomfortable

Mentally/emotionally:
This has been much worse and really caught me unexpectedly

• I don’t feel like myself, I miss who I used to be and I’m worried I’ll never get her back
• I hate the way I look and just avoid looking at myself in the mirror - I don’t like my bump, I hate my boobs and my giant nipples, cellulite. I feel fat and ugly and completely disgusting and unattractive. Pregnancy glow? I hardly know her.
• I hate feeling like I’m on display - being visibly pregnant is so embarrassing to me and I hate people acknowledging it in public. I’ve been trying to avoid seeing people and the other day at a work event I made a beeline for the table and chairs so I could sit down and people wouldn’t notice me.
• People and their unsolicited opinions on my appearance
• Major anxiety about the life change - what if I don’t like being a parent? What if my child has SEN? What if we can’t afford it? What if we just hate our lives?

Basically all of it. And I’m so sad because I wanted this but I’ve spent most of the year feeling like a shell of my former self. I can’t imagine ever doing this again and I just want it to be over.

That sounds tough, OP. Be easy on yourself. You are still you, just with a child. I know everyone says that having a baby is life-changing. I didn’t find that, I think my child is a great addition to our lives if anything. But your “self” will return. Pregnancy & birth aren’t easy for a lot of women. I hated the idea of being a “mum” but you don’t have to buy into any of that… I hope everything goes well for you, baby & DH. Feeling this way is okay, too.

Thank you for such a kind response. I just feel so tearful at the moment it’s so hard

I could have written this myself. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first, a very much wanted and planned baby, and I can honestly say I've hated being pregnant too.

I've suffered with hyperemesis throughout, and physically and mentally it's been the hardest experience of my life. I've spent months feeling like a shell of my former self, unable to do the things I enjoy, and grieving my old life and independence. I completely relate to not recognising yourself or your body anymore.

I also feel incredibly guilty because I know how lucky I am to be having this baby, but that doesn't make pregnancy any easier.

I think there's so much pressure on women to enjoy pregnancy and see it as this magical experience, when for some of us it's genuinely miserable.

I don't have any great advice, but I wanted you to know you're absolutely not alone. Please do speak to your midwife about how you're feeling too. There is support available.

Thank you and I’m sorry to hear you are struggling too! People seem to love being pregnant but I cannot relate to any of it - I haven’t taken a single bump photo because I just hate it. I am worried about how I am going to end up feeling about the baby when she is here - will I just resent her? Will I ever feel like “me” again?

Totally relate to the feeling like you should just feel lucky and grateful. We have friends who spent £10k on IVF so I know in many ways we ARE very lucky but it can also just be really shit - and it’s for the rest of your life, no backsies!

I am already under perinatal mental health but I’m not finding it very helpful to be honest - it’s my issue, I’m struggling to engage with any of the support available

People seem to love being pregnant
People put on a public face. Nearly everybody struggles with at least some aspects of pregnancy, you’d have to have a personality disorder not to.
You‘re so close now, stay strong 💪

I'm pregnant with my third. HG, diabetes, poor mental health. I have hated being pregnant every time. I love my kids and being a mum but I'm never doing this again. I think pregnancy and birth can be painted as some peak feminine amazing experience and for some of us we just have to slog through and endure it. My body has made beautiful children but was very bad at coping with the process. I did at least have lovely straightforward planned sections!!

Growing a tiny human is exhausting. Baby will be here before you know it and you will start to feel more like yourself over time. I found pregnant hard, but found the birth of my child such a special time in my life You have so many lovely memories in the making.

That’s another thing - I can’t really explain why because lots of people say a planned section is lovely but baby is breech so it’s how a possibility and I’m so sad about it

I hated being pregnant too,
But upside was I thought the newborn period was a breeze in comparison! I definitely got more sleep after giving birth and I was breastfeeding too!
So fingers crossed theirs a silver lining for you

Thank you! I think that’s partly why I’m feeling so negative - I keep hearing all sorts of stuff about how hard it is to have a baby, how i won’t sleep, how I’ll be depressed and hate my husband. I’m already anxious about going back to work after maternity

You poor thing. I’m sure you’re not alone. It will be a distant memory soon enough.

I was the complete opposite, which, as it’s finite, was not a good place to be. Loved every second, felt fantastic, looked the best I’ve ever looked. Saying goodbye to that was sad. I pined for my pregnancy, which is nuts.

It wasn't my first plan but honestly after months of feeling so out of control in my body and in pain/unwell, it was a relief in the end to have a date and to know what was going to happen, to have no pain etc. I really hope you have a positive experience! How long until mat leave? I did actually enjoy the last few weeks between stopping work and having baby as felt I could finally rest and accept what was coming.

And yes I loved everything about the babies, even when my first was a shoddy sleeper. It was so much better than being pregnant!!

I was an emotional wreck with both of my pregnancies as well. Haply to report that I feel much more like myself at around 12-18 months, depending on how the baby sleeps. Unfortunately I am still fat though, I just can't look after babies on disrupted sleep and also exercise.

I would encourage you to have a chat with your midwife in case it's not just hormonal.

I could have wrote this myself three years ago. I HATED being pregnant, with my very much wanted baby. Had some awful physical symptoms but my mental health was absolutely terrible and I really struggled. I was under the peri-natal mental health team but I didn't find them much help to be honest.

I felt a million times better after my baby was born. I think struggling with pregnancy made the newborn phase easier, because I didn't find it as hard as I found being pregnant.

I don't have any advice I'm afraid, but I really do sympathise! If I had to do it all again to have my daughter I absolutely would.

Currently working up to my due date - it might change and I might take some AL but I work from home a lot and the run up to Christmas is quiet so I’m hoping to maximise time with baby as I won’t be able to take a full year due to the crap pay

Hi op, I was exactly the same as you, hated being pregnant.
Depression, high blood pressure, HG, Gestational diabetes i was wrecked.
For some bizarre reason I did it 3 times!

Adore my children but truly grateful i will never be pregnant again.

I found post partum a relief (and that was tough enough)

Go easy on yourself op you're almost there 💓

Oh OP I’m sorry you’re struggling, pregnancy can be such a funny time for women regardless of how much the baby at the end may be wanted and planned for.

My babies are 2.5 and nearly 1 now and I miss being pregnant, but at the time especially in my first pregnancy I found it really hard!

Definitely keep communicating openly with perinatal and also your partner, no thought is too silly to share and it’s always always worth talking x

Thank you! Yes the perinatal mental health team haven’t really done a lot to be honest - I think unless you’re completely off your rocker they’re not interested. A little bit of prenatal depression is no big deal, I very much got the impression they were for people who were suicidal or seeing things

Just wanted to say I hated mine too (24 years ago). Genuinely hated it. But then he came along (after a hideous birth too) and the nice hormones came in. It was fine!

And I clearly remember a moment when he was 9 months old and I was walking along a street and thought ‘omg I feel like myself again’

You take care of yourself. You will be fine, promise. Just take each day as it comes. X

I have been talking to my husband and he has been amazing and I really can share my thoughts with him openly but he’s been struggling too with the change and also with work being stressful and he’s got to have surgery. He’s gone back on antidepressants after not needing them anymore and I’m so proud of how he’s dug himself out of a hole - me being down all the time wasn’t helping him in his efforts to feel better so I’m trying not to put it all on him at the moment.

Pregnancy, the long birth and the newborn period were horrific for me. I’m so traumatised I can’t do it again!

I think this will be me tbh - I always thought we might want two kids but currently I feel like if I manage to survive this with my mental health, marriage and finances intact there’s no way I’ll be risking them again!

Yes I felt the same - and somehow ended up having four children.
I never glowed, I felt revolting and ill.But once the baby was born I felt instantly better and he was easy compared to the ghastliness of pregnancy. I didn’t mind the sleepless nights or anything because I felt so much better.

Pregnancy looks so lovely when other people do it! I really looked forward to the day I'd be pregnant, glowing and fabulous. The reality: sicky from 5 to 24 weeks, sweaty, greasy hair, then massive with a creaky hip. It's f*cking awful.