Pregnant after infertility and feeling uncertain about future family plans

[FujiWisteria]

I’m not even sure I have a question, but I think I just want to write this down to get my thoughts in order.

I’ve struggled with infertility for years and had four rounds of IVF before suddenly finding myself spontaneously pregnant after my last round 4 years ago. Everything is going well so far, and it was completely unexpected, particularly as it had been four years since my last round of IVF.

I’ve been telling everyone I’m 36, only for my husband to remind me that I’m actually 37, meaning I’ll be 38 when the baby arrives! 🙈

I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much, but I feel a bit ‘meh’ about being 38 when I give birth. I think it’s partly because I’ve always hoped we’d have two children, and now I’m worrying that I won’t realistically be able to start trying again until I’m 39, and given my fertility history, there’s no guarantee I’d be able to get pregnant again.

I know I’m incredibly lucky to be pregnant now, but I suppose I’m suddenly feeling a bit sad that the window for having the family I’ve always imagined might be getting smaller. I suppose I’m just trying to get my head around the fact that things might not work out quite how I’d always imagined, and feeling a bit sad about the uncertainty of it all.

You are ruining the joy of this pregnancy by already looking to the future. Focus on this pregnancy and baby for now. Congratulations 🎉 it's so exciting!

You will ruin this precious time if you constantly think one step ahead.
Savour the present.

Congratulations!!

Anecdotally, I know three people who needed IVF for their first child and fell pregnant spontaneously with their second (quickly and in one case unexpectedly!). Many people have children in their 40s without complication. As PP said, don’t worry about the future yet, enjoy this pregnancy and baby.

I wonder if you’re focussing on something negative to prevent yourself from feeling joy about the positive - a bit of a self preservation in case it doesn’t go well? Understandable, but try to stay in the now and let yourself be happy :)

I'm in such a similar situation! I had 3 failed rounds of IVF, only to fall pregnant naturally, and I gave birth last year, not long before turning 38. I'd love another one but I don't know if it'll happen. I'm keeping it in perspective though: I am so, so lucky to have the one child I have. There was every chance that would never happen, so although I'd love more, I will never let myself complain about "only" having one miracle ♥️

I struggled with fertility issues with all 3 of my kids. TTC took 16 months, 12 months and 3 years, respectively. My first was born when I was 33, my 8 month old when I was 43. Congratulations on your pregnancy and take things a day at a time, no need to worry about the what ifs of trying for a sibling yet!

Congratulations!

I'm pregnant with baby number 2 after miscarriages. I originally started trying for this baby at 34 and now I'm almost 37. It's made a big difference to the age gap, it could have been a 2 year age gap but now it's a 4 year age gap. We're going to stop after 2 whereas we might have considered a 3rd if we were younger.

The way I like to think of it is that life had other plans for us and that we weren't meant to have smaller age gaps or more children. Life just decided for us :) I'm actually really happy that we're having a baby after DS has started school, although it's not what I originally wanted i do think we'll cope better this way so we're being given what we can handle.

There's no need to feel sad, this situation was not within your control. You tried when you were younger and it didn't happen. You tried to create the family you wanted but what you'll get just looks a bit different to what you thought. Also, if it's 4 years since your last round of IVF had you not already started to think you might not have children? So 1 is a lot closer to what you wanted than none?

Your body has surprised you once, don’t write it off!

None of us really know what the future holds, try to enjoy everything as it happens rather than worry about what might happen (I know that’s easier said than done of course!)

FWIW I had my first at 39 and am having my second at 41 after one miscarriage.