Ive found out this week that I am pregnant. It wasnt planned. I'm roughly 5 weeks and I really dont know what to do..
Long post, so thank you for those who make it through.
Some background on my situation.. I have only been with my new partner for 11 months. We currently dont live together, although we have been discussing moving in together after Christmas.
I have 1 child from a previous relationship and my ex has been particularly difficult ever since we separated at the start of last year. I met my current partner 10 months after separating from my ex, so admittedly it was quite soon. But within a week of me following my new partner on social media (very soon after first meeting), my ex had quietly found him too, followed him, found his ex and followed her too. He was watching all their stories that they posted of their child. I found this out 2 weeks later as my partner noticed and realised who he actually was and naturally found it quite creepy and so blocked him.. my ex then came out and asked me who he was. It felt very stalker-ish behaviour. I didnt know at that point if the relationship would go anywhere, it was so new, and it felt to me like none of my exs business. But i told him. Anyway, from there my ex has been very difficult about the relationship. He believes he needs access to information about us "because we have a child together and so he has a right to know".. he has said on a number of occasions that he wants to meet the new guy to tell him what a horrible person I apparently am. Obviously just trying to come between us. Ive nothing to hide, but his attitude obviously puts me off wanting to introduce them.. hes also done other stuff, but you get the jist..
So as you can imagine, the "hoonymoon" stage of our relationship has been spoilt from the very start because of my ex. My new partner has been as understanding and supportive as he can be but it has definitely taken its toll on us and caused some arguments, and filled him full of caution. We expected things to settle down with my ex as the months passed, but no such luck..
And so now I find myself in a bit of a rubbish situation, as I always wanted more than 1 child. The thought of giving my current child a sibling would make me feel complete. But naturally i would have liked to have been another 12 months into the relationship, living together and settled.. I do have some concerns about 1, whether I can financially afford a second child right now. I currently work reduced hours to save on childcare and my work is barely above minimum wage. 2, and the biggy really is how soon into our relationship it has happened, especially with all the rubbish going on with the crazy ex.. my new partner was honest with me and told me he is feeling 70% towards not going through with the pregnancy, 30% of that being financially, but 40% of hes feeling towards it is because of how my ex has been. This obviously hurt to hear as I completely understand his feelings, yet I feel like im at a loss with how to fix the situation with my ex.
After the chat with my partner, i felt like i had no choice but to terminate, given the circumstances.. I phoned the abortion clinic and they are posting the tablets out to me, but I just feel so guilty and sad about the idea of going through with the termination. Im 36, so what if this is my last chance to give my child a sibling.. but my current situation isnt ideal. I feel so lost on what to do. I feel like i dont have much time to decide either.
I dont know what im looking for with this post. But perhaps some honest opinions of what others would do in my situation.. am I listening to my heart over my head?