Struggling with mixed feelings about expecting a third daughter

[JoeyLin]

This will be our third girl - and we both seem like we are struggling a bit. We are saying we are happy, but seem to be downplaying everything and just saying focussing on how it will be with 3 children, and how we are relieved the baby appears healthy.

The baby wasn't planned - and a bit of a shock tbh. so it wasn't as if we were trying for a baby and then hoping it was a boy. but i guess when we fell pregnant, we both probably explored the idea of the opposite sex to add something to the mix.
I'm sure we willl get over it. We have absolutely no regrets about our two daughters. they are perfect for each other. and the third will fit right in too.

but not sure why we are down playing it now. i wonder if it was a boy we'd both be a bit more buyont.

I feel guilty feeling this way. i feel selfish when we should be happy its healthy and we even have a chance to bring a third soul into the world.

It?

It’s very common to feel disappointment over a baby’s sex. It’s understandable I think.
Of course it doesn’t mean that baby won’t be loved.
Be easy on yourself OP - you’ve had an unexpected pregnancy - and all the stress that brings - on top of all the usual pregnancy hormones and emotions.

it was an 'it' until for the last 3 months until 5 hours ago - so forgive i havent automaticlaly switched to 'she'. im sure we wil be over the weekend.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I think gender disappointment is normal, and it will pass. I felt a bit off when I found out my second was going to be a girl. My first was a boy, and I would have liked him to have had a brother. I wouldn’t change her for the world now, and I’d love another girl.

All the best with everything.

The 'it'll pass' - is such a reassuring comment. i'm confident in that too - we never look at our other two and think of anything else - i'm confident my husband doens't too as he has opened up before. We've been through so much in our lives, together and seperately, I am sure this isn't something that will hold either of us down.

BUT, the fact we even feel like this may stick with us. we are also cat and mouse not asking each other atm. I wonder if that is because we may not want to say something that may forever be remembered. So i just assume he feels this way, and i think he knows i feel this way too.

You will never regret it I had 3 sons who have grown up to be amazing and all married gorgeous girls. 3rd wasn’t planned I call him my bonus. I feel truly blessed to have them. 3 is so much better that 2 you will find that. Keep positive. My worry was that I would be lucky to have 3 healthy children and I hope you do too.

Do you think it’s social pressure?

I remember getting a lot of you must be hoping for a boy this time, will you try again if it’s another girl and other similar comments.

it almost made me feel like not wanting to tell people for fear of being judged that I had “second best” in the eyes of so many people.

in reality I didn’t care, but found myself saying all the “just happy it’s healthy” platitudes as if it made others feel better.

It definitely will. I’d say sooner than you think too. It’s fresh news, and pregnancy hormones will not be helping!
Why don’t you share with your husband that you feel a bit disappointed, and air it out? It’s not saying your little girl won’t be loved, but it’s normal to have hoped for a boy after 2 girls.

I am also from a family of 3 girls. I love having sisters, and they’re my best friends. I hope that for your girls too.

@JoeyLin in the days well before scans and knowing the baby's sex in advance, I always remember my mother telling me she was no more delighted with her baby boy than she had been with her previous three girls.
Despite everyone saying how wonderful to finally get your boy 😃. Enjoy your bonus daughter.

honestly- went for a private scan to find out. After I had a face like a slapped arse for a couple of hours, burst into tears, had a nice long chat and a brew with my husband. Spent some time looking at names together and by the afternoon I was buying baby clothes on vinted and making a Pinterest board for his nursery 😂😂😂

I just needed to process and remove the images I had already put in my head. To allow the new reality to set in. But fully onboard now and I’m sure you will have a similar journey. I felt bad for crying but I just needed it out!

Congratulations to you! 🧡

Once she is here you will forget about it it will pass as others say. It's only natural that you might wonder about having a boy and maybe since you were perhaps apprehensive of having another it sort of made it easier to sort of think about.

Some people are very harsh on gender disappoint. But it is very common and doesn't make you a bad person. I was apprehensive about having a daughter as I was bullied as a kid by girls and I'm not a girly girl. But she is THE BEST and I didn't think of it as soon as she was here. I just enjoyed those new born cuddles. It will be fine.

Yes I found that also. Couldn’t believe some of the comments.

I believe it will pass. I felt sadness the whole of my pregnancy after finding out the gender - then when baby was born I was in love and couldn't have imagined it any other way and still can't! It's just one of those weird things about bringing a human into life. Don't worry too much!

Congratulations! I had our 3rd girl last year and love having daughters. What is it about having a boy that you'd like?

I have three daughters none of which were particularly planned it just all happened. I feel so incredibly lucky every day just to have three children let alone whether boys or girls. Never thought of them as boys or girls they are all just (very different) people, but appreciate others might see things differently.

main things about having three+ same sex are practicalities:

by number three hand me downs are pretty thread bare

if you go away, the decision over who shares a bedroom isn’t clear cut (so disagreements) (relevant when any reach age they don’t want to share with everyone)

girls once teenage can mean hormone spike! (clashing with own perimenopause hormones = good luck husband)

basically all dc are amazing and special in my view and it’s lots of fun (after the early year madness which is same if 3 boys or 3 girls)

they all love each other so deeply it’s lovely

congrats

its been a few days, and we do both now feel OK.
a baby is a blessing.
I also dont feel too bad i felt how i did - its a genuine thing to mourn something, but it never existed. and something just as amazing does exist.

for anyone reading this thread in the future. it may take you longer, but it will pass. Don't feel guilty feeling this way. Take your time, and imagine the new world , and slowly it will pass.