Trying for a baby at 42 after loss and difficult decisions

[Loops1984]

Hi I am 42 years old and trying for a baby. In March I was 17 weeks pregnant and found out that the baby had down syndrome and I chose to terminate. Then in August I suffered a miscarriage. Am I too old to have a baby and is it selfish to keep trying. I have so many worries that I won’t ever be able to have a healthy pregnancy. I google so much as nobody to talk to. Are the chances of having a healthy pregnancy really low and should I give up. I look at the percentage seems so low

I don't think it's selfish to keep trying OP, but I do think you need to start gently preparing yourself for the possibility that it may not happen for you.

Well, I had both mine in my forties and all my friends who tried over 39 but before 45 got pregnant. Yes the risk of Down’s is higher, I think it’s around 1:120 at 42 ? But I maybe be misremembering it as my youngest is 19 now. Genetic issues also depend on the age of your partner, so it isn’t just your age that is a factor.
Take care of yourself, eat well, take your vitamins and make sure that your partner does the same. I think acupuncture helps, worth a try anyway. Good luck.

Thank you, you read so much and it scares you so much. I know that a higher risk of miscarriage. My partner is 37 years old. Yeah I am looking after myself eating and taking the right vitamins and doing everything right.

I totally understand that it may just not happen and prepared for that. It’s the issues that read that come with age that worries me with the 2 pregnancies been through

i had my first at nearly 43 after 2 MCs

It’s not selfish at all to keep trying. But I would say just keep in mind that it may not happen. Just be realistic for the possibility is all. I started trying at 38. Had a couple of miscarriages then had 4 rounds of IVF which resulted in 2 failures and 2 more miscarriages. I am now 45 and have long stopped TTC and have accepted not having children. There are however plenty of women who have successful pregnancies in their 40s. So it’s not hopeless at all. Just be prepared mentally is all I advise.

It is not selfish to keep trying. To me, it is more a matter of what you can take.

I had 2 DCs in the my 30s - no issues. Then I had a chemical pregnancy, a TFMR for Downs (like you), and another miscarriage. We stopped trying when I was early 40s, but that was because we had children already. If I had none I would have tried again.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through, and wish you all the best.

If you keep going - I'd suggest using OPKs and something to support ewcm production to give yourself the best chance. Also early testing for anomalies. A later abortion is so hard.

It’s likely to happen as you can clearly conceive

I'm 41 and pregnant after a miscarriage, NIPT came back low risk. It is definitely possible and not selfish, but worth looking into fertility testing (AMH levels etc) if you haven't done so already?

not selfish at all, good luck xx

I had my first at 44. We had an agreement at the start if there was down syndrome or anything else wrong that we would not continue because we were too old to properly provide care.

However in my family, DM is the only one to have married before 40 and had kids. All the aunties and cousins married late so I knew I had a chance.