Pregnant and freelance: what is a fair approach to finances?

[FeministaGB]

I'm five months pregnant with first child, am high risk but it's going ok so far. The problem is...I'm freelance. I've just turned down what would have been an incredibly stressful project that would have taken me up to Christmas. I'm happy to have made this decision but it now means I've only had two weeks of paid work since February. Which is quite stressful in itself.

I'm lucky to have an (emotionally) supportive husband but we have always kept our finances separate - rent/bills split down the middle, eating out paid by who got what. We have completely different approaches to money - I'm less bothered about amounts and will pay for one round (when I used to get rounds!) and a friend pays for the next. He wants it divided fairly by who owes what.

I feel like I'm now just eating into my savings because I can't find jobs that would be feasible for me while pregnant but I don't know what's a reasonable approach to take with husband re finances - he doesn't have to dip into savings, he's not pregnant. But as things are going I feel like I'm going to end up left with no savings leftover after birth and taking care of baby because I don't see what work I'm going to be able to do for a long time now.

I don't know how to approach this at all - I feel like by keeping finances totally separate for over a decade we've perhaps been saving up problems for later. Any advice?!?! If I came up with a reasonable approach I think he'd be ok with it but I have no idea what is a fair way to tackle this.

How do you expect him to pay for everything ? Because you are in an economic partnership.

Your usual earning capacity is at a low. In a partnership there is an ebb and flow to earning and spending. While you are carrying the physical part of building your family he needs to shoulder the financial.

He isn’t physically pregnant but he is having a baby so yes he does need to dip into savings. I’m a bit confused why there s
is no work for you and why this wasn’t come up before?

FWIW, both our salaries get paid into one account and we pay for everything from this account-food, mortgage, holidays, kid stuff etc. We cut our cloth accordingly to what we can afford and discuss purchases. We each transfer the same amount (£150/month now but was less) for personal spends. The first few years after DS1 was born were definitely the leanest, with childcare etc. That should be better now with funded hours but this is definitely something you should discuss with your DH. You should seriously consider the impact on your pension as well if you are planning some time out of work and how you ensure this is maintained. With DS1 I had 13 months off and then dropped to 30 hours, and with DS2 DH took shared parental leave so we have 6 months each and he condensed his hours to have a day with DS2(I went back to FT when DS1 was 4). These are all things you should talk about.

Freelancer here too. It's not too late! We didn't have the grown up conversation until our third child!! For us, the only option was to completely combine finances at that stage because we agreed I would take a 2 yr career break.

The key to ours working surprisingly well was getting completely on the same page financially. He's more frugal, I'm more of a spender. We had to meet somewhere in the middle, which for me meant that the household account was mainly for covering day to day expenses and if either of us wanted to purchase something fairly significant e.g. a luxury thing over say £40, then a conversation would be had, even if it was just a heads up (hey, I have a long overdue hair appointment at the weekend).

We did a period of about three months where we tracked all expenses on a spreadsheet to identify areas that needed to be reduced, or where we didn't see eye to eye on expenditure: me, regular takeaway coffees, him, random DIY purchases.

If you want savings and investments to grow (assuming you haven't married a feckless spender), those should be combined too and a conversation had about where you want to be in terms of financial goals e.g. 6 months of expenses in an emergency fund, X amount locked away each month towards annual bills and one off expenses like boiler breaking, holidays, pensions etc

You should not have to dip into savings to pay for your half of costs while you are pregnant/on maternity leave/not working due to risky pregnancy. You should have a joint bank account where all income goes. Then pocket money comes put of it into your sole accounts each month. Me and DH have done with ever since we moved in together 26 years ago. It has never been as issue, we have 3 kids. When we first met we were on equal salaries. I decided I wanted to be a SAHM for a period of time. Now I work part time. Neither of us 'abuse' the joint account. Big purchases are discussed beforehand. Hobbies/treats etc come out of sole accounts.

I have separate finances from my husband.

Our pay goes into our separate accounts.

We then have a joint account where everything for the family, house and children comes out of, mortgage, bills, joint credit card that’s used for all food shopping and purchases for the kids, savings for the children, etc.

Say that totals £6k a month, we both put £3000 into the joint acc to cover everything and anything more we have earnt is our own to save or spend as we wish- put into pension, buy a bag/ motorbike! etc.

We have been together 20+ years and married for 18. We have 3x children.

I am self employed and similar to you can chose to take on something ‘bigger’ or better paid or to pass on it if eg it means travelling away from home etc. If I’m not working I’m not earning. No sick pay, holiday pay etc.

Each time I’ve been on maternity I’ve saved enough to continue to cover my own costs and contribute a reduced proportion towards the household eg 9k for 9m off, £800 a month into the joint acc and £200 for me (figures just for example).

This was all planned and discussed beforehand though so that my husband had also saved to be able to put extra into the joint account to cover me while I wasn’t able to put as much in.

I would suggest a conversation along these lines but obviously I recognise what works for us may not suit others.
Good Luck!

We have separate accounts and a joint account. All bills and mortgage go out of JA as well as holidays anything child related. We pay the same amount in every month to cover this. I would set this up and you pay in less whilst unable to work having HIS child. I’m freelance and was able to go back to my regular work/client after 5 weeks (would have lost it otherwise) because my mum would come over and help with baby (I freelance from home). Your husband shouldn’t have a problem with paying your share based on income - if he does, I’d be worried. I actually earn more than my DH (I have a very successful freelance career - for now!) and he insists we still pay in the same - but I do treats like theatre etc. We pay for our own stuff like clothes (me) and gadgets (him) out of own accounts.

We just combined everything after the first maternity leave, and like a poster above, we discussed any "large" purchases (£50+). We had the odd squabble about it, as DH was astonished to find how much children actually cost and initially inclined to think that their new clothes were a sort of optional hobby of mine, but we got there.

You have only worked 2 weeks for the whole of 2026? Could you look for paid employment to guarantee some money coming in?

He doesn’t have to dip into savings, he’s not pregnant
Yes he is - his partner is having a baby. IMO all costs should be 100% his now as you are unable to work and earn as you are carrying his baby. If his single wage is not sufficient, then you should both dip equally into your savings.
You need to have a major conversation about this to come to an equitable arrangement. If my DH thought him earning whilst I was producing his child was 'his money', then I would be back at work FT after Mat leave ASAP and expecting him to provide 50% of childcare and home related tasks so I could work as equally as him.

Thanks so much for everyone explaining how they've made it work for them.

To explain a few things from previous posters - I've been working in my industry for over ten years as a freelancer, it's both physical/out away from home for stretches and office based too, but has been in total decline over the past three years hence contracts here and there. Historically I've earned more than husband - when I get the work it's well paid with 6-9month contracts, and I do love it, but it's also very demanding on every level and I've been scared of taking on work to be honest. Which I wasn't expecting - being pregnant is a world of firsts.

Some women (we're in the minority) seem to make it work in the industry once they have kids, but to be frank I think a lot of them have independent wealth to begin with so I might need to start again in a new career at some point anyway. It would be heartbreaking to let the boys win after building up a consistent body of work, contacts etc for so long, but across the industry there's very little flexibility and very few women seem to tough it out post birth.

While I believe he should of course contribute towards costs for the baby and support your living costs while you're unable to work, I also think it has to be a fair partnership.
It's good that you have these savings to fall back on for the moment, but if you've been consistently not earning for months then I don't think the onus should be 100% on him to cover (unless discussed and agreed prior). As others have mentioned, many women work right up to their due date and then their partner covers the shortfall during the maternity leave period, but if you've not been earning much at all this year then that's a separate matter.
You've mentioned that your industry is harder for women especially after childbirth, but it doesn't sound like you have a back up plan. I don't think it should be an automatic assumption that he needs to cover your living costs indefinitely until you start earning again (by way of making the freelance work, or finding a new career), it should be something you're both willing to contribute by whatever means you can.
The only advice I have is to talk to him about finding a middle ground and making things work. Explain your side, let him explain his and then work together to find a solution. I know it's tough especially if you've struggled with these conversations before, but when baby arrives you don't need the additional stress of trying to figure finances out if it can be avoided.

"My" living costs isn't a thing when you are married. Its "Our" living costs. Otherwise the marriage is just a piece of paper. You don't sound married although you used the word husband. Its not right that bringing a child into the world together disproportionately hits your finances. You need to pool everything and share the inevitable hit on your wages of starting a FAMILY. Does he tell people My wife's decided to have a baby - as if its nothing to do with him?

I think it would be very fair for him to fund both you and the baby for the next 18 months. After ten years together and you being married together for the next forty years , 18 months is a drop in the ocean . You are not asking for him to pay for the rest of your life, just for a short while . You could just use your savings for your spending money for this what is a short time in a long marriage.

I'm guessing that you turned down the job because of the pregnancy? So your income is already being impacted by you carrying his child.

He should be paying for everything. No he isn't pregnant but that is because he is outsourcing the pregnancy to you. In exchange he needs to carry more of the load in other ways as you can't contribute to the same extent.

He doesn't get to just carry on with his current life being unimpacted while you make all the sacrifices and compromise. If you set a president for that now, your life will continue that way. You will be expected to pay 50% of everything while also carrying and birthing children, doing all the childcare (because you work flexibly) and doing the bulk of the other 'wife' work more then likely.

If you want any chance to stay in your industry then you need to ensure that you aren't the only one changing your life to fit around your child.

Me and my partner always had sperate finances before we had kids. It was a bit problematic as I always earned less and we tended to go 50/50. I thought it was fair. Had I been a regular here at the time I would have realised it wasn't!

But I always wanted access to my own money.

We were together 15 years before kids, but as soon as I went on mat leave we got a joint account. He paid the majority of bills and I used my mat leave for daily expenses.

When I gave up work to look after the kids he covered everything and I just used the joint account.

When I returned to work we payed a proportion of our salaries into the joint account but our separate salaries go into our individual account.

16 years later, our salaries go into our seperate accounts, we transfer a proportion to the joint account but the reality is whether it's in my account or his or the joint, it's kinda all family money. I pay for loads of joint stuff from my account, so does he. We just like feeling we have our own money!

This might not work for some but we have similar attitudes to money and spending and my partner has always been the higher earner but has never used this as leverage as I've always provided the majority of parenting.

You need a conversation to find something that works. Don't confuse independence with being taken advantage of financially. You are already incurring costs by not being able to take on contracts due to your pregnancy. If the pregnancy was a joint decsion, the costs need to be shared equally.