Should I TTC second earlier to try for the possibility of DH having longer paternity leave?

[user1471522161]

I currently have a daughter who turns 1 this week. Me and DH were pretty set on trying for a minimum 2 year gap as we do want them close in age, so starting to try for second baby in December.

For context, DD was conceived from the one time we ever had unprotected sex using the withdrawal method. I know this doesn’t mean I will conceive quickly next time but I suppose it’s in the back of my mind that it could happen first time again or equally could take a while.

DH has recently got a job in an education setting, meaning he is now term time. This has now made us consider whether we actually start trying in October, so that there is the possibility of a July or August due date, meaning that DH would have a lot more time off for paternity leave as he would have the 6 week holidays plus his 2 weeks paternity. I can imagine it being particularly helpful having him around for longer with 2 small children. I suppose I’m also thinking it may not happen for a couple of months anyway in which case we would have the gap we originally planned for anyway.

I’m also only returning from my first mat leave next week so would only be back at work for around 6 weeks before trying if we did start in October. However I do wonder if the possibility of DH having all the time off if we had a July baby would be worth going on another mat leave so soon.

So, long story short, what are people’s views - start trying in December as was the original plan, or bring it forward by 2 months to have the possibility of DH having significantly more time off?

I would think a late July early August due date would be the worst as there's a good chance half the 6 weeks holiday would go past with no baby, especially if due date was in August and you went overdue.
Trying for end of May to early July would probably maximise the time you had him at home. If he had to return to work for a couple of weeks in between paternity and the 6 weeks holiday would that be so bad?

Yes you’re right. I suppose my only worry with June/early July is the age gap being 21/22 months rather than 2 years as we had originally planned, plus I’ll obviously only have been at work 8/9 months by the time I’m back on mat leave.

If we got pregnant in October I would be due early July which would be ideal in terms of his time off, and I do think having him around more in the newborn days would be invaluable.

It’s just weighing up if the slightly smaller age gap/less time back at work is worth the possibility of him having more time off!

Most people I know took longer to have a second than their first one (not to say that applies to everyone) but so much of this is down to chance on each cycle. I wouldn't plan on having this much control on when the your second baby arrives. Great if you do but it may not be that likely

This is also something that’s very much on my mind. I think this may be making me lean towards trying in October as as you said, it may take a while anyway

I truly think there is no right or wrong.
Personally I think I would start trying earlier for the extra paternity leave, best case you have him home longer worst case it just happens when you were hoping anyway.
Fwiw I got pregnant the first month with my first and am now going into month 3 trying for my second and even though rationally I knew it was unlikely to be first time again I irrationally was very surprised it's taking longer and wonder why I was so obsessed about not waiting to start until a certain time.

I think you're over thinking a bit. For the sake of a couple of months, which might not even materialise anyway as we all know you can't plan these things, then yes I would just go for it

I think everyone is right, I’m definitely an overthinker! 🤣 I also know if it doesn’t happen straight away I’ll wish I’d have started trying sooner. I suppose my main worry is pissing off work! But that seems a silly reason to delay