Abortion guilt - friends unable to have DC

[pregq]

I have been adamant for years that if I ever fell pregnant that I would abort without a second thought.

I recently found out that I am 8 weeks pregnant, which came as a massive shock.

I am wondering if it is just hormones but all of a sudden I am feeling incredibly guilty about my plan to abort.

I have a couple of friends who are desperate to get pregnant but can't and I have this living thing inside me that I want to get rid of.

I've always had sympathy for my friends who are unable to conceive but I have never felt that other women should feel guilty just because they are able to conceive.
It's like feeling guilty for not having cancer.

I didn't think I would ever get emotional over having an abortion as I am quite a black and white thinker. Perhaps it is because I am further along than I thought I would be.

I just feel so guilty.
I know I don't want a baby because if I had the opportunity to take it out now and put it into someone else's womb then I would.

No one in RL knows that I am pregnant.

Has anyone else been through this and felt similar?

People rarely regret having a child once it arrives. Many, many people do however regret aborting.

Hi all. I'm 10 months postpartum with baby number 3 and have just had a positive pregnancy test after missing my period. (I only got it back a month ago for the first time since having number 3). I'm due back to work after maternity leave in one week 🙃. This is quite a shock, as I had an IUD fitted 6 weeks postpartum which is touted as 99% effective! I'll be calling the GP first thing tomorrow as I understand risk of ectopic pregnancy is higher.

Me and my husband have been through just about every single emotion today after taking the test. We adore our children but this is huge news and feels a bit overwhelming. Due to our religious and personal beliefs, abortion is not an option unless a medical emergency.

I guess I'm looking for some encouragement from others with a 4th, especially with the cost of living in the UK and a couple of people to talk to as it's very early and I'm not in the headspace to share with anyone else IRL. I have a well paying job which I'll no doubt have to leave after having this one. I was also making good progress in the gym and toning up again 😅.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Hiya, some perspective from the other side. I had been trying to conceive for a long time, and then found out my brother's girlfriend was pregnant. I know she is childfree and she confided in me while seeking and having an abortion. Did I feel like it was unfair that I had been trying and she got pregnant while not even wanting it? Yeah I did - did that ruin my relationship with her or did I feel she was selfish? No, never. Her baby has nothing to do with my baby. Her decision with her family has nothing to do with mine. It didn't make me feel any more upset than knowing that random strangers get pregnant. And I can be a really emotional person, I was struggling with the fact I wasn't able to get pregnant. But again this was my own personal journey, didn't change anything about what other people did.

Please don't worry too much about what other people will think. Do what is right for you.

No agenda here at all, obviously.

I echo others saying to have the counselling they usually offer before a termination, and talk this through with an impartial professional.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about if you go ahead and terminate, but you rightly understand that you can’t expect support from friends who are struggling to conceive. So getting that support elsewhere is inportant.

In my experience, fertility is a sensitive issue and the decision not to have children still has some stigma attached to it for women, sadly…these are tricky areas, and I think it’s natural for difficult feelings to bubble up around them, sometimes quite unexpectedly as you are experiencing. But you have just as much right as any other woman to make the choices that are right for you and to feel the way you feel. Go easy on yourself.

FWIW, I terminated a very unexpected pregnancy (I already had two children) while one of my best friends was heavily pregnant with a much longed for first child after fertility issues, and a second close friend was going through her third round of IVF to conceive. Obviously I didn’t tell them about it at the time - they were the wrong people to confide in - but as they are both very dear friends, I did tell them some years later. They were both touched that I’d ’put their feelings first’, but both also sad that I’d gone through with a termination without their support. I wouldn’t have done anything differently, but my point is, good friends are usually understanding in the long run. For now, though, seek that support somewhere safe for you.

Nonsense. I know no one who has regretted their abortions. I know quite a lot of people who have regretted their kids. It’s just that the latter is less socially acceptable and let’s face it once they’re here you have no option but to raise them so you have to convince yourself through gritted teeth that childrearing is wonderful thank you. You can’t just leave them in a shop. Oh hang on…..

I had an abortion when I was younger, now in my 30s I’ve had 8 pregnancy losses and am yet to have a living child. I have a friend who has had an abortion in the past few years and was really worried to tell me but I was way more concerned about her, knowing the guilt etc that can come with an abortion. It was absolutely the right choice for her and I honestly didn’t feel anyway about it from my personal side of things. I feel way more when friends are pregnant and go on to have their baby if I’m being honest.

oh and I still don’t regret my abortion when I was younger. I do think “what if” sometimes but I made the right decision for me at the time.

I agree with the majority of everyone else, you can talk to professionals to help you work through your feelings on it but ultimately you need to do what’s best for you.

sending you love and I hope you’re ok x