Experiences of a four year age gap between siblings?

[Janey3090]

Hi there! I've recently found out I'm expecting baby no 2 after a long time TTC (2 years) and couple of MC's.

My DD will be 4 and a few months when baby is born, and just wondering if people can share experiences of a similar age gap? I've been desperate to give her a sibling, but now I'm pregnant I'm aware it's a bigger gap then I wanted, and I'm worried that they won't really play together. DD is a quiet, very loving girl but I'm worried she will resent the new baby after 4 years of having me and her Dad to herself.

Can anyone share some stories of this age gap between your babies and how you found it? Or did you have an age gap sibling yourself? Positive stories would be particularly amazing as I'm a bit hormonal right now 😄

We have this age gap and it’s great. DD sometimes takes on too much of a mothering role and has to be pulled back from it but now youngest is 3, they play together really nicely! We have 5 school years difference which can feel a bit awkward but has also allowed me to fully focus on one at a time.

We have a 3 year and 9 month gap and its perfect. Still want to do similar days out etc but not competing for the same needs. They are 3 and 7 now and best friends! Two boys,

I had 4yrs between ds1 and ds2 then another 4yrs before my surprise ds3. It was great, as each one graduated to school the new baby arrived and by the age of 4 they have relatively interesting lives that don’t revolve completely around you so were still quite keen to go off on play dates with friends to let me settle in the new baby. Growing up was absolutely fine- second baby did have to be quite flexible it must be said. They are all adults now and you couldn’t get a better bunch of friends especially Ds1 and ds3 who are 8 yrs apart.

I have this gap between 2 of my children and it was perfect imo. The older one felt very secure, already had pre school and their own activities established and was delighted to have a younger sibling. The gap is 3 years and 9 months.
They still get on really well as adults!
It was much easier for me to manage than the smaller gap I had between the other siblings.

We have 4.5 year gap (due to MC). Worked out brilliantly for us. No jealously in either direction. Clear differences in what they're allowed to have/do. Older one was just starting school when baby was born meaning they had special status and I got time with baby. They did play together for a few years before teen years arrived. Would 100% recommend.

My ‘boys’ are now 32 and 36 so it’s a while back they were children but they got on really well. My elder son was amazing at helping his brother with his homework which was just as well because I definitely couldn’t have helped with the maths and physics. They remain close as adults.
The younger son’s eldest daughter is 8 their middle child is 3 (both girls) they get on well enough but don’t play together quite as my sons did. It depends on the children I would say but my elder son and both of my son’s eldest children have all enthusiastically welcomed their new siblings.

Very similar circumstances, and age gap will be 4 years. I come from a big family with close age gaps, so tbh it has never been something I have strived for myself. Not that I didn’t have a good childhood, I did, however I’m aware that personality matters more than age when it comes to siblings getting along. So I am not overly concerned by the 4 year gap.

I have loved being able to focus on my daughter and give her so much 1-1 time and we have such a great relationship, so I’m actually relieved I will be able to do the same for the second baby once she goes to school and it’s just baby and me most of the day.

We also have a 3y9m age gap and it’s been fantastic so far! DD is only five months so it’s still early days, but DS has adapted really well and loves his sister so much. From my point of view, it’s helped that he’s already quite independent - we got all the tricky stuff such as potty training, cot to bed transition etc out of the way long before DD arrived, and he’s able to be left unsupervised for short periods if I’m putting her down for a nap or whatever. He also understands that I can’t always play with him that second if DD needs something.

We’ve definitely had bursts of jealousy, and DH and I have both made sure we’ve factored in lots of one on one time with DS over the last few months, but overall I think it’s a great gap: they’re close enough in age that they’ll be able to play together as she gets older, but I feel like the newborn stage was a lot easier for us than it has been for friends who’ve had a smaller gap.

My nephews are just under 4 years apart and it looks like a great age difference. They play together well, argue slightly less than siblings that are closer in age and their parents have been able to gibe more focus to each of them during those first few years as the first was more independent by the time the second came along. If we are lucky enough to have a third then our first will be 4 years and 3 months and I think that would be perfect if there wasnt a 2 year old in the middle!

My two are 4 years apart (4 and 8) and although they bicker sometimes, they just adore each other and have been spending hours playing together happily over the holidays. I think it’s a perfect gap and wouldn’t change it for anything.

I'm in a similar position. My son will just 4 and have just started school when baby no.2 arrives. I think it's ideal, my son has had me all to himself for 4 years and it's given us the most lovely relationship. Now he's going to start school and we won't be able to spend as much time together because of that which i was very sad about already. When baby arrives he isn't going to be home that much because he'll have school meaning his upheaval is less, he'll have to share my attention less and also the new baby gets a similar experience of having me all to themselves!

4 years and two months age gap between our two daughters now 14 and 10. It’s been fantastic so far, played a lot when younger and still very close. They love to go off shopping together now older one can take a bit of responsibility for her sis. It was lovely when DD1 started school just after her sister was born -she got so much fuss for being a new big sister from her teacher and classmates and it meant plenty of one on one time for me and the baby.

6 years between my sister and I, we are and always have been best friends . We are the complete opposite in personality , she is sociable and has loads of friends . I'm quiet , not sociable and don't make much effort to make friends.

Slightly smaller gap - 3 years 9 months but overall has been great. DDs are 11 & 15 now.

Best things have been
DD didn’t need much lifting and carrying around when I was pregnant.
Never needed a double buggy
DD potty trained and could use the toilet independently by the time DD2 born.
DD1 could play fairly independently and didn’t need constant supervision, also was in part time school so had some baby only time each day.
Was off on maternity leave when DD1 started reception so was around to support with that.

Downsides have been having to wait a while until they could really play together, with DD1 getting frustrated with DD2 sometimes for not being able to do things or for “being annoying”.
Having to split up 1 parent & 1 child for some activities because of different abilities.

They are good friends now most of the time, and the gap won’t feel big when they’re adults.

My kids are 8 and 4, I'm currently pregnant again so will end up with another 4 year age gap. It was bigger than we'd have planned, dictated by fertility rather than planning but actually it's been amazing. I was worried they wouldn't be close but they are thick as thieves and absolutely love each other. It was also so much easier having a baby when the older one was old enough to understand "I'll play with you in 5 minutes, I'm just feeding the baby" etc, and wanted to help by fetching nappies or clothes from upstairs etc. She also started school when he was a month old so I got plenty of 1:1 time at home with the second which was lovely.

There are challenges, their abilities are different so it's difficult to do hobbies together with them, even when they are interested in the same thing they can't be in the same class. But on the whole, highly recommend!

I was 4 years and five months old when my brother was born. I was delighted to finally have a sibling but the age gap was far too big. We had no real relationship until I was about 17 and he was 13. I was always envious of my friends who had siblings close to their own age and always swore if I ever had children I would have them close together.

I have a 4.5 year old gap. Eldest 18, youngest 13. They get on great, definitely worked well for us

My daughter was 4 & 3 months when my son was born. She loved being a big sister. There was the odd time she got frustrated (she thought he was ready to go to soft play the minute he was born) but I was very lucky with her in the fact she knew he needed attending to all the time. I still tried to do the odd thing with just her, even if it was reading a book, baking etc. The only thing that did floor me was how you go back to square one, & a bit like childbirth, you forget about it. You’ve got this independent 4 year old then a newborn & it’s completely parallel, but you cope. He’s 3 & she’s 7 now & they play together, have full on conversations etc. They bicker like mad too but that was always going to happen.

Congratulations! Similar situation and 4 year gap worked out really well for us. I had lots of time with new baby while oldest was in school, no jealousy issues, and older one was very protective when in the park etc. They’ve always played brilliantly together as they like the same kind of things, and even now as teens happily spend time together.

I’m in almost exactly the same situation, though my DSs are now 9 and 13, and while it was longer than I wanted it’s actually brilliant. Very little sibling rivalry because for the first few years DS1 felt that he was the kid and DS2 was the baby so there was no competition. They got to be good friends as DS2 got older. And now they are older, the gap is big enough that DS2 understands and doesn’t feel resentful that DS1 can do things he can’t, eg DS1 is at high school so gets a phone but DS2 doesn’t yet. We do have to do some divide and conquer as parents, eg DS2 still likes playgrounds but DS1 doesn’t, DS1 wants to see The Odyssey but DS2 too young, but we still do 80% of stuff together as the whole family on the weekend or on holidays.