Is it normal to feel so lonely whilst pregnant?

[SPT2001]

Hi everyone,

Im currently about 14 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child with a new partner. I am over the moon about being pregnant and so is my partner who is also an amazing dad with his other children. We have had a few more disagreements than usual since being pregnant and now I feel like our relationship is on the line.

I havent got any friends because I have trust issues and myself and my family dont get on very well and I honestly feel so low in this pregnancy and I feel ashamed of this because it should be a happy time.

Any advice on what I should do?

I felt very lonely until after the 20 week scan, as I felt anxious and consumed by worries, but didn’t want to voice them. It made my relationship feel awkward too for a bit, although looking back I think that was mostly in my head and hormones.

I’m not sure I have any advice, but wanted to say you’re not alone. For me it got better as it went, and I got to know pregnant women through yoga and antenatal classes which helped a lot. Is that something you could do?

I worked with a bunch of women who had had their children around 15-20 years before and all they kept saying was thank god I don’t have to do that again. My personal friends were all career women who did not want children. So yes, I was very much lonely in pregnancy.

ETA also I’d lost my mother by that time and didn’t have a particularly good relationship with my father.

Can you get out and about with toddler? I found the early part of my first pregnancy a bit lonely because I was adamant about not telling anyone before we'd had a reassurance scan and because of a pre-booked holiday that actually didn't happen until I was 9w (dated forward to 10 at the scan).

For me I find other parents to chat to at toddler groups, soft play etc

Trust issues?
Have you considered to work on this?

What sort of topics are you and the boyfriend fighting over-petty stuff or major differences?
If he's new to your life it could just be that the relationship won't work. Do you own your own home, financially secure, etc?

Not sure what you mean by trust issues mean you don't have friends, do you want friends?

Personally I'm not feeling lonely and I'm also pregnant with my second (my husbands 2nd child too). I see friends or family once or twice a week and also have my DS for company 2 days a week as he's 4 so hasn't started school yet, he goes to nursery 3 days a week and i enjoy the peace and a little time with my husband on lunch breaks. Are you lonely because your partner isn't supporting you or spending time with you? Or are you craving some family and friends to spend time with? How old is your first child?

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, it sounds really tough. Sending a big hug. I keep being advertised the Peanut app for meeting people locally who are due at same time? Not sure if that's your thing but might be worth a try? There's no right way to feel... You don't have to feel happy when pregnant 😘

I'm 7 weeks and feel very lonely too. I've told my two closest friends but one is on holiday and the other going through some rough life stuff. My partner is amazing with physical load, but pretty crap with emotional stuff. Want to tell people I'm pregnant but he's really worried about something happening after we've told people.

Thanks for all the kind comments 😊

I'm hoping it does get better. Thankyou so much for your kind words!

I am going to apply for antenatal classes closer to the time, so perhaps that would help like you said! Yoga is not something I ever considered but will definitely look into!

OMG! thankyou for your comment and sharing such sad and personal details about your parents. I can't image not having my mum around at the moment and I am truly sorry for your life and can't image what that must've been like!

I know a lot of my friends and people I went to school with are more career focused and want to set things up for themselves before having children which is fine but it does mean I see them far less (partly because, due to my age, I can't go out partying because of my children) and I feel like they cant relate to the life of a parent yet and slowly most of my close friends moved away or continue travelling.

But I think all this can still be achieved with children as well, its just harder!

Have you and your partner had a nice long time to get to know each other before this pregnancy ? Or has it happened quite quickly since meeting ?
How many children do you have between you ? It sounds as if there are at least 3 as you say he’s an amazing dad to his other children.
it may be that you are both really busy with kids and work and need to try and find some time to be a couple ?

This doesn't sound as if it has anything to do with pregnancy, OP, other than that you got pregnant unwisely soon in a relationship that isn't going to last -- I mean, of course it's not a happy time, it's a very stressful one!

However, the reason you're lonely is because you don't have any friends. That's something you can change, regardless of your relationship status or whether or not you're pregnant.

Thanks for your comment!

I try take my son out all the time but its getting significantly harder to be out and about with him as he has high spectrum autism (so his behaviour can sometimes be unpredictable but I have mechanisms for that) and this pregnancy compared to my sons has been total opposite. I'm feeling constantly sick, bloated, sluggish etc. But I LOVE being outside!

Yes! Receiving therapy

Thankyou for your comment!

Yes, it's a fairly new relationship and the pregnancy was purely by accident (not that I would change it for the world, such a great gift of life) but we stayed together for the sake of the child but I honestly think its fizzling out now!

We argue about petty things but I feel like he is being over-dramatic in the way h responds. However, the last petty argument we had, he has barely contacted me since which kind of makes me think he doesn't want it- which is fine, just wish he would say that rather than beating around the bush.

I live with my mum currently but I am looking to be relocated by my council when the baby is born. I am undertaking a course to become a probation officer but until that starts, I am on state benefits.

The trust issues part: My son's father (my first love and only other relationship) cheated on me with someone who was supposed to be my friend and I think that' s where my trust issues with making friends stems from- but I am working on this with my therapist.

Try reconnecting with old friends and family? Pregnancy can be a new start. Join some antenatal groups to get new friends. Invite your partner's family round for coffee-they will be your family if you decide to marry, and even if you don't, they'll be your baby's family, and there's no reason you shouldn't be close and enjoy their support postnatally.
Feeling emotional during pregnancy is normal, personally I just found you feel things more, just as the hormones make food taste stronger for a lot of us.

Lovely to hear about this!

It's mainly because of my partner I suppose. My son is 5 in October and starts full time school in September. He was in Nursery for 2-3 hours everyday (due to his autism and needing to stay in a routine) and I agree, the time he was there was very peaceful, but because Its always been me and my son, I suppose I miss being busy when he's at school.

I'm dreading when he starts full-time reception as I will still be pregnant but I am hoping with the festive seasons approaching around that time (like Halloween and Christmas) that it wont be as lonely and I'll have something to focus on.

Ah bless you! I was totally dreading my son starting school until I got pregnant as I'll miss our days together but now I'm seeing it as great timing! I've done no baby prep yet (23 weeks currently) but am planning on throwing myself into that as soon as he starts school to keep me busy and distracted. Maybe that would be a goor plan for you too and in the meantime just try and make the most of the summer with your son. Even small plans can make life feel full :) a free museum, a sweet treat at a cafe, a park, a walk while he rides his bike. I find these help with loneliness as you'll have little interactions with people whilst out and about anyway.