Unexpected twin pregnancy with two children and concerns about a genetic condition - help!

[MyPeachCrow]

Help, advice, any experience or thoughts welcome 🥴.

Just found out im 7weeks pregnant and expecting twins - unplanned and a massive shock. We already have 2 very gorgeous and high energy boys (aged 4 and 6), eldest has adhd and is just non stop. Were barely holding our sanity together as it is - so my question is...how is it going from 2 to 4? Did you survive? Or did you opt for abortion and were you hapoy with your choice or did you later regret it?

There is also a 1 in 4 chance that the babies may have a very rare health condition which will affect their vision and their blood clotting - in addition to this their quality of life will rapidly decline from age 30 and its not a great outlook from there on. Our eldest has this condition. We are terrified that the babies will also have this condition- but we cannot do the tests/get the results until I will be either 14 or 20 weeks pregnant (depending on what type of twins they are).

We are so conflicted in what to do and what is the right path to choose :( we love the idea of a bigger family but never planned for anymore due to the craziness of our current 2 (who we love dearly) and because of the potential health conditions. I also dont know if I can wait until 14 or 20 weeks and make the decision with whether to stop or continue the oregnabcy depending on the test results :(.

Any opinions welcome xx

If it were me I think I would be putting all my energies into the 2 DCs you already have. It sounds like with your eldest you are already fully occupied and if you had the twins the danger is your DS2 will get lost in between twins and eldest’s needs, even if the twins are well and healthy. I think I would want to carry on being the best mum I could be to my existing 2 and not risk bringing twins into the mix even if the odds are they will be healthy.

ultimately only you and your partner can make the decision but going from 2 to 4, even if all are healthy is massive. Bigger cars, a bigger house ? , holidays become massively expensive and will you be able to support 4 through university ? Can you afford childcare or will you need to be a SAHM which will significantly impact your personal financial security and future. In the sad event the twins inherit the genetic anomaly how will you cope with 3 DC who are ill and the treadmill of hospital appointments etc. how will you feel about splitting yourself 4 ways instead of 2 ?

F

Just to say, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It’s really tough to have an unexpected pregnancy at the best of times, but twins and with health conditions (both existing and possible) to contend with, it’s a lot.

I had twins unexpectedly as my second pregnancy, and though I ultimately went through with the pregnancy, it was important for me to assess and choose whether it was right for me to continue. That choice is there for a reason and feeling like you’re making an active choice, rather than being slave to fortune, is empowering and important, in my opinion.

I can’t make the decision for you, but it sounds like right now the decisions include: can you (and do you want to) manage twins if they’re healthy, on top of everything else? Then questions about what to do about testing comes after, if you decide you’d go forward with healthy twins.

No judgment from me whatsoever whatever you decide to do. Sending strength