OCD mental health in pregnancy

[S124]

Hi, (I have OCD)
I’ve just recently found out I’m pregnant, I was very excited me and my partner, … however I’m starting to doubt everything I started my period on 23rd may and finished on 28th may. I found out I’m pregnant this week. On 23rd may I had afew drinks at my friends house with her partner and his friend. I stayed over at my friends that night I went upstairs and slept in her spare room. My friends partners friend also stayed but he slept downstairs on the couch, I got up in the morning as usual and left. When I phoned up to tell the midwife I’m pregnant they take it from the day I started my period to now as for how many weeks pregnant i am, my ocd has got in my head that on that night he snuck upstairs when I was sleeping and raped me or something and I had no idea I am severely depressed about this and can’t enjoy the pregnancy. I was told they only use that as a base point and when I have my first scan they will tell me how far on I am. I can’t tell anyone because people will think I’m crazy. I don’t know what to do I keep thinking I would have felt someone in the bed with me but my ocd is telling me otherwise. Does anyone have any advice? I think when I have my first scan I might feel better. But if they tell me I got pregnant a week later after my period I will still think he came into the room as sperm can stay in a woman’s body for 7 days 🙁
. What can I do? I want to tell my partner how I’m feeling but I’m scared he will think I’m mad.

You poor thing. You’re in the middle of an OCD flare up. That often happens (and it happened to me) when you go through big changes - like pregnancy. Plus the hormones. On a biological level, I found out years later that when progesterone rises (which happens in early pregnancy) women either bliss out or become extremely anxious. I was the latter… as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went into an extreme ocd episode. Please please please get all the support you can from midwives and friends and family. You don’t need to tell them specifics, just tell them you’re having an ocd flare up and need help. The perinatal team will help you.

Please don’t torture yourself. Right now, focus on calming your nervous system (breathing, talking to a friend, listening to podcast, walking / moving, crying, even naming the feeling can all help.

OCD can really rob you of moments like these. Think of it as that annoying aunt or friend who always comes up with ridiculous ideas
and don’t indulge it / feed it. You deserve calm and peace.

I know, I’ve just had my scan which says I’m 10 weeks but how can that be when I was at the start of my period 10 weeks ago, what can I do I wasn’t with my man on 10 weeks ago today. I’m so scared. I know it’s not accurate I don’t know what to do. I’m scared something happened whilst I was sleeping

Not with him I say he was away and that was the night I started my period.

Pregnancy is calculated from the first day of the last period that doesn’t mean you were pregnant on the 23rd of May or that that’s the date that you had sex. It seems really silly but the Midwife will calculate 40 weeks from the date of your last period that’s the rough estimate of when your baby will arrive, but you’re not pregnant for the first two weeks of that. If a period started on the 23rd of May then you probably fell pregnant sometime in the first week of June. Give or take a few days because some peoples cycles vary. You could not have gotten pregnant at the end of May because you were on your period. The sperm met the egg sometime in June, most likely early June. But like I say the way that Midwife calculate your due date goes on the date of your last period. So if you were 10 weeks pregnant then that means you roughly got pregnant eight weeks ago.

you absolutely need and deserve support from the perinatal team. Pregnancy is really stressful for anyone, with a pre-existing condition like OCD or depression it’s a whole different experience. You don’t need to give specifics to your Midwife about what you’re worrying about, but I think letting them know that you do have to be OCD and you’re struggling should be enough to get you a referral.

There will be a perinatal mental health midwife wherever you’re booked - it sounds like it’d be a good idea to ask for an early referral if you’ve not discussed it with anyone already. They’re really good at supporting women with complex needs through pregnancy.

Thank you very much, I will give my midwife a call tomorrow morning and explain everything that I’ve been feeling. Xxx

You poor thing, OCD in pregnancy can be horrible. Definitely speak to your midwife. Xx

Pregnancy is calculated from around two weeks before you were actually pregnant. It’s weird, but it’s how they do it.

You get your period, ovulate around two weeks later which is when you actually conceive, but then they calculate the pregnancy from the start of the last period.

I spoke to a midwife who isn’t my normal one she didn’t really get OCD and didn’t really reassure me at all! So still feeling the same and I keep thinking about it, even when the baby is here I’m scared I won’t bond with him/her because I’ll keep thinking that it’s not my partners. I really don’t know what to do. They are annoying me by not telling me it’s an 8 week embryo. When I go for another scan I’ll be asking if they tell me again that the baby is the size of 12 weeks or something when I go I’m gonna keep thinking and panicking. I feel I’m at a loss here