Unsolicited pregnancy advice?

[makeupgirlie]

I’m a week or so away from meeting my first born baby and I remember at the start everyone’s ‘advise’ and comments really grated on me after a while. ‘You’re tired now, wait until the baby is here’ ‘get all the sleep you can’ ‘when I was pregnant 30 odd years ago’
Now I’m hitting the end of pregnancy I’m sure it will start again. And I don’t know how to politely tell people to do one.
Anyway would love to hear some of the best unsolicited advice you’ve had!!!

It never ends OP! My eldest is 16 and my mum still gives her “advice”. My Nan once told me not to kiss my babies feet or they would never be able to walk 🤷‍♀️

At the moment we are getting the ‘any news yet’ on a daily! Like obviously not!

Yes I remember those days, I felt like saying yes I had the baby last week I just never told you 😂 To be fair most of it comes from love and no malice intended but it can be so annoying!

I mostly smiled + nodded and remembered that people mean well. Then tell my partner later what a mad or annoying suggestion so-and-so made 😆

There were also times I told my mum to shut up and let us figure it out ourselves or please let us follow the advice of my lactation consultant/paediatrician or whatever. It was often helpful to point out that they did the best they did with the information they had at the time, but guidelines have changed etc. My MIL was often open to conversations about thanks-but-no-thanks-and-here's-why, and she enjoyed learning about updated approaches.

I did my research about various things and felt informed enough that I was able to just let the advice go.

Ughhh I'm with you OP, after the first time I learned to lie about the due date! I know people mean well but you're usually bored, irritable, uncomfortable and waiting and people not asking a more creative question is irksome!;

I've not got much on the unsolicited advice side, but I used to hit the 'just you wait' brigade hard. Every time someone said something negative 'just you wait till....blah blah' I'd ask them to tell me two positive things they remembered about labour/being a parent/whatever the topic was. I started off saying I had no idea why people were so quick to want to burst people's bubbles and make people nervous for the future but it got people's backs up (probably also because I was irritable so my tone wasn't great!!) so switched to just saying 'im actually trying hard to keep a positive mindset (I have a history and family history of depression so throwing that in there helped a bit) so now you've said that it would be great if you shared something positive you remember so I've got a bit of balance'. Ended up with some of the loveliest stories I probably wouldn't have heard otherwise, and one of my colleagues even wrote me a poem. Still makes me teary.

Stock answer to any news yet messages .... 'im waiting as fast as I can'

Also for that reason I never tell people a due date. Just say a vague time period like 'late September' that's actually a.bit later than the due date ;) although I realize that ship has probably sailed for you!

"it doesn't get easier, if you think it's hard now (with a newborn) you just wait until insert random age here" with respect, that's bollocks. My kids are 8 and 4 and sleep through the night, they go to preschool and school for 6 whole hours every day where I don't have anyone climbing on me, they can use words to tell me what the problem is, they can go to the toilet alone, they aren't liable to run out in front of a car at any given moment.

It must definitely DOES get easier.

But I've decided to go for round 3 and have another anyway. 😂

Oh I feel you! I keep getting a lot of advice about sleeping now because soon I won’t be able to.

also I get a lot of people telling me I must be ready to burst which for some reasons grates one as I am well aware I’m huge !

I’m not typically very good as receiving advice in general which people close to me know, so I’m very lucky that I didn’t get any of this during either of my pregnancies, but I just came on to say that if you aren’t already, then ignore all of it! Being a parent is fucking amazing and I can name 100x more positive “just wait untils” than negative.

Your question on how to politely tell people to do one, dismissive is the way forward, don’t engage or get into conversation, a simple “oh I’m not concerned about that, I’ll be fine” and people will soon get bored. Or, to flip the conversation around, “oh gosh I’m sorry you struggled so much with that, were you able to get support?” People will far rather talk about your struggles than their own!

Oh and to everyone who bangs on about sleeping now while you can, yeah ok because sleeping with an extra 3 stone, needing the toilet every 10 minutes and not being able to lift yourself up makes for a great sleep 👍

For what it’s worth, pregnancy tired is wayyyyy harder than newborn baby tired, at least you’ve got your own body back and there’s not a tiny human inside you extracting all your nutrients 😂

@ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer preach!!! Couldn't have said it better!

Oh that poem is amazing! Love it!

In terms of being tired etc, being pregnant 30 years ago is the same, in fact it's probably easier for us in that most partners will help, whereas 30 years ago a lot of women had to work and then do everything round the house and have tea on the table.
And people are just trying to be nice. Some of them might have gone through their own tragedies and trying to help someone avoid that, so there's no need to be mean. Do we really want more babies brought into a world where everyone is stony-faced and never talks to anyone else?

People drove me crazy with asking 'any news', 'had any twinges', i made my husband deal with his mother as she was the worst for it! I pretty much shut myself off for the last few weeks of pregnancy as I went overdue.

Honestly you'll definitely get given a lot more advice that you'll need to take with a pinch of salt but you do get used to replying. 'Thanks for sharing your experience, that's not the way we'll be doing it though', 'that's interesting but that's actually not what's recommended anymore'.

I got told I should express milk so my husband could give the baby a bottle and bond with him. Got told I'll have to stop breastfeedind and wean early as baby wouldn't be satisfied from just my milk. To get a job and let other people look after my son so he'd be a bit less attached. That he'd be an obese kid because he had some serious baby chubb (he's a normal sized toddler now). That i couldn't possibly understand as i only have one child and they have 2. People are offensive but they rarely mean to be!

As a mum of adults I will give you some unsolicited advice, IGNORE all the unsolicited advice and do what works for you.

I will say every stage is wonderful, terrifying, amazing and exhausting in one way or another.
Enjoy every moment you can and when it’s tough make sure you have people to help you, if you are struggling the burden is not yours alone, each stage good and bad will pass.

There is nothing more amazing than your newborn gripping your finger, watching your toddler run from the back of your house to the front in joy and amazement because it’s raining on one side but not the other, watching them learn and grow, their and your excitement at learning to ride a bike, new friends, passing their driving test, navigating the world with your guidance and encouragement.

Then you have adults that call you to ask you to go to the pub or the theatre, who call just to chat to you or being presented with a first edition of your favourite book that they spent time and effort to find and you worry about them just as much but in different ways and you hope you have given them the tools they need to have a happy life.

Thank you all!
I feel my hormones are even more heightened at the moment. I’m due within the next week or so.
I feel like I’ve been mean or something as I’ve been ranting at my partner about how his family ask way too many questions and want to know everything. Such as appointments and what they are for and why I’ve gone to the hospital for check etc! I feel like my privacy has been taken away from me and everyone knows everything all the time.
like this is my pregnancy, Our baby not everyone else’s and my life is not up for consumption or a talking point.
Don’t know if I’ve been unreasonable with this.

Absolutely not being unreasonable, I’m due in about a month and feel exactly the same re. the loss of privacy and how every part of my life and physical appearance is now apparently open for discussion. I was shocked by some things older female colleagues came out with e.g., being told by my boss that my hormones were all over the place when I asked to discuss the future of my role.

My family are very low key and don’t ask anything, but I ended up telling my partner to let MIL know to stop asking me questions and I have no interest in discussing my pregnancy with anyone unless I bring it up.
Hope it all goes well!

Oh OP, it doesn't get any better. You have to just learn to bite your tongue really hard and then remember not to do the same to pregnant women moving forwards.

Glad to know I’m not the only one.
there’s been multiple discussions and nearly bad fall outs because of how I’ve been feeling with it.
I’ve honestly felt as if everyone is involved in the pregnancy or something. My family have been absolutely fine. But partners family have always just wanted to know every move.

Oh I have learnt an awful lot on how to, and how to not treat a pregnant lady!
biting your tongue is so hard at this stage, but I’m giving it a good old go😂