Hi everyone,
I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with baby number two, and I’m looking for some advice or to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.
My first birth was extremely traumatic and, following an investigation, there were failings in my NHS care.
I went into labour at 40+2 and was in the latent phase for four days. I kept going into hospital because the pain was getting worse, but I was repeatedly sent home. Eventually I was kept in overnight after having a significant bleed because they wanted to make sure my placenta hadn’t abrupted. My husband was sent home, and despite repeatedly telling staff I was in severe pain and couldn’t pass urine, I wasn’t properly assessed. It later turned out I had an infection, which wasn’t diagnosed until I finally reached the labour ward at 7 cm dilated.
Up until that point, I’d only been given paracetamol for pain relief. I wasn’t screaming or making a scene—I coped as best I could—but I genuinely felt like nobody realised how far into labour I was.
Once I got to the labour ward, I asked for an epidural because I was exhausted after four days of labour and desperately wanted to rest. Instead of waiting for the anaesthetist, they broke my waters, and my 9 lb 4 oz daughter was born just 30 minutes later with only gas and air.
I then sustained a 3B tear and had to go to theatre for repair under a spinal anaesthetic, leaving my husband and newborn daughter waiting outside.
Unfortunately, things got even worse. During surgery they discovered retained membranes, and I suddenly lost over a litre of blood. I remember the room filling with people, everyone calling out my observations and trying to stop the haemorrhage. Afterwards I went into shock for over an hour. I couldn’t speak and was shaking uncontrollably. My husband has since told me he was terrified and kept asking the staff what had happened to me.
The whole experience was incredibly traumatic, and for a long time I genuinely thought I’d never have another baby.
Fast forward four years, and I’m now 36 weeks pregnant with another little girl. Thankfully, this pregnancy has been straightforward, and I’ve tried really hard not to let my previous experience take away the excitement of meeting her.
Because of what happened last time, and after discussing it with my consultant, I decided an elective C-section would be the best option for my mental wellbeing. I wanted a calm, planned, controlled birth experience. I was also told that if I suffered another severe tear, I might not heal as well.
I’ve now been given my elective C-section date… and it’s booked for 39+6.
I honestly feel devastated. I’ve explained to my consultant how terrified I am of going into spontaneous labour and how important having a planned birth is for me psychologically. I’ve been told that if I go into labour before my date, they’ll do an emergency C-section—but that completely misses the point. I chose an elective section because I wanted to avoid the panic, uncertainty and trauma of another emergency situation.
To make matters worse, my date is on a Friday. My hospital doesn’t perform elective C-sections at weekends, so if there were any scheduling issues or cancellations, I worry I’d end up waiting until Monday at 40+2.
What has upset me even more is that I know someone due on exactly the same day as me who has been booked in two days earlier simply because she’s anxious about a vaginal birth with her first baby. I know everyone’s circumstances are different, and I’m genuinely happy she’s getting the care she needs, but it’s hard not to feel hurt when I have a documented traumatic birth history and still feel like my concerns aren’t being taken seriously.
I’ve never actually agreed to this date, and so far it doesn’t seem like anyone is willing to move it.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling so anxious and upset about this? Has anyone in the UK managed to have their elective C-section brought forward after speaking to their consultant or the maternity team? I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences.
Thank you for reading.