36 weeks pregnant after a traumatic first birth – am I being unreasonable to be upset about my elective C-section date? (UK/NHS) 39 weeks plus 6 days

[Kershaw22]

Hi everyone,
I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with baby number two, and I’m looking for some advice or to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.
My first birth was extremely traumatic and, following an investigation, there were failings in my NHS care.
I went into labour at 40+2 and was in the latent phase for four days. I kept going into hospital because the pain was getting worse, but I was repeatedly sent home. Eventually I was kept in overnight after having a significant bleed because they wanted to make sure my placenta hadn’t abrupted. My husband was sent home, and despite repeatedly telling staff I was in severe pain and couldn’t pass urine, I wasn’t properly assessed. It later turned out I had an infection, which wasn’t diagnosed until I finally reached the labour ward at 7 cm dilated.
Up until that point, I’d only been given paracetamol for pain relief. I wasn’t screaming or making a scene—I coped as best I could—but I genuinely felt like nobody realised how far into labour I was.
Once I got to the labour ward, I asked for an epidural because I was exhausted after four days of labour and desperately wanted to rest. Instead of waiting for the anaesthetist, they broke my waters, and my 9 lb 4 oz daughter was born just 30 minutes later with only gas and air.
I then sustained a 3B tear and had to go to theatre for repair under a spinal anaesthetic, leaving my husband and newborn daughter waiting outside.
Unfortunately, things got even worse. During surgery they discovered retained membranes, and I suddenly lost over a litre of blood. I remember the room filling with people, everyone calling out my observations and trying to stop the haemorrhage. Afterwards I went into shock for over an hour. I couldn’t speak and was shaking uncontrollably. My husband has since told me he was terrified and kept asking the staff what had happened to me.
The whole experience was incredibly traumatic, and for a long time I genuinely thought I’d never have another baby.
Fast forward four years, and I’m now 36 weeks pregnant with another little girl. Thankfully, this pregnancy has been straightforward, and I’ve tried really hard not to let my previous experience take away the excitement of meeting her.
Because of what happened last time, and after discussing it with my consultant, I decided an elective C-section would be the best option for my mental wellbeing. I wanted a calm, planned, controlled birth experience. I was also told that if I suffered another severe tear, I might not heal as well.
I’ve now been given my elective C-section date… and it’s booked for 39+6.
I honestly feel devastated. I’ve explained to my consultant how terrified I am of going into spontaneous labour and how important having a planned birth is for me psychologically. I’ve been told that if I go into labour before my date, they’ll do an emergency C-section—but that completely misses the point. I chose an elective section because I wanted to avoid the panic, uncertainty and trauma of another emergency situation.
To make matters worse, my date is on a Friday. My hospital doesn’t perform elective C-sections at weekends, so if there were any scheduling issues or cancellations, I worry I’d end up waiting until Monday at 40+2.
What has upset me even more is that I know someone due on exactly the same day as me who has been booked in two days earlier simply because she’s anxious about a vaginal birth with her first baby. I know everyone’s circumstances are different, and I’m genuinely happy she’s getting the care she needs, but it’s hard not to feel hurt when I have a documented traumatic birth history and still feel like my concerns aren’t being taken seriously.
I’ve never actually agreed to this date, and so far it doesn’t seem like anyone is willing to move it.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling so anxious and upset about this? Has anyone in the UK managed to have their elective C-section brought forward after speaking to their consultant or the maternity team? I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences.
Thank you for reading.

I completely understand how you are feeling. I’ve had an emcs and 3 elcs. As hard as it is, stop comparing yourself and your situation to your friend’s. You can only control your feelings and not hers/ the actions of the people booking. Whilst I have had 3 elcs, they were similar to my emcs. The date of the first 2 changed around and with the 3rd, I was in theatre being prepped for a spinal when a crash section came and I had to go back to the ward.

If you go into labour naturally they will still do a c section. You won’t have the same trauma as before.

I’ve got mine moved to 38 weeks + 0 because I’ve got a hernia that’s causing me awful pains and mental health. I’d say your traumatic birth experience trumps my issues… I know every area is different though.

You are 36 weeks so have time to push for an earlier date, can you ask for a second opinion or ask if there are any other available slots at different hospitals.

It’s very possible that her consultant appointment was booked before yours and therefore her section was booked ever so slightly before.
Two days before you is really not that different.
Sections are booked in for week 39 so they only have 5 days to work with, time is finite.

@Kershaw22 I really think it would be helpful to you if you could stop focussing on what you think is fair. In reality that seems to be that you get exactly what you want even if it means someone else doesn't.

@JulietteHasAGun who is a midwife has explained to you that one way or another you will get a section, the perceived unfairness is that it might not be on your chosen day.

If you ever consider having another baby I think it would be worth saving and paying to have it privately.

I actually did enquire about going private , the only private hospitals are 206 miles there and 206 miles back from where I live. Also in case of the emergency situation last time I would be transferred to a local NHS hospital which based on this alone in case of an emergency I trust the NHS more than a private hospital .

I think its so easy to say go private next time when actually I have explored many options. To which after the birth of my first daughter I had meetings with a senior midwife at my trust who deals with birth trauma before even getting pregnant again, this is something I really haven't taken lightly.

@Kershaw22 I suggested going privately because having it on a very limited number of particular days seems important to you.

If your nearest private hospital is 200 miles away then I suppose that you live in a very remote area and are not near a large teaching hospital either (that would be my first choice after a traumatic delivery)

If you will be going to a district general hospital then I expect they will have a very small maternity unit, and it is understandable that they might not be able to accommodate everyone on their preferred date. But remember, you will get a c section if that is what you want and within a reasonable time frame.

I understand how you are feeling op as i had a similar situation but i’m not sure what they can do. I would urge you to forget about your friend as actually, it’s none of your business. There will be other women who are possibly more urgent than you. I would have been.

I would also work on your own way of coping with the unexpected as let’s face it, even if they pushed your date forward a couple of days, there is still a possibility you could go into labour even earlier this, such as 38 weeks.

Best of luck to you. My planned c section really healed my trauma from my EMCS.

The only ones are in london , i am part of a hospital of a decent size that carry out many elective c sections weekly but they are not carried out on a saturday and sunday. Also to the fact i have a little girl whose 4 and i have spent nothing more than a night away from her in the whole time she has been born.

see this is where you are getting me wrong
, i have no preference on date i could not care less ( even though i have had friends request different dates as it falls on their birthdays) and i am not being precious about that what i am worried about is going into labour before due to the c section being booked in on the last date they are actually allowed to book this in for me and there is no contingency over the weekend.

I have been an emergency myself and i completely understand these are priorities.

I have even discussed with my consultant to have the elective c section under general anaesthetic so if anything happened like last time i wouldn't be awake to know what was going on as i have been that traumatised by my previous birth.

Im glad it helped you heal from your traumatic birth :) This is what i was hoping to heal from my first birth and would love one more baby after this.

No it is not my business but if i go on to have another repeated tear even if i go into labour a few days earlier its me who has to live with the consequences of this.

If this happened before 39 weeks before the c section was able to be booked in then that is what it is and could not of been avoided.

Whereas with this and being left 39 plus 6 there is scope of 6 days that could potentially make a difference . Never mind if i get pushed back to 40 plus 2 . So i do actually think every day does make the difference.

Thanks for this explanation @sarahbanshee it’s actually cleared up some questions I’d had about both my 2 births, 1st planned csect at 39 weeks, but waters went at 36+3 but still waited for csect. No 2 waters broke at 35 bang on, went up was told about today’s queue, and may be some time but all looked ok, then suddenly machine went crazy people rushed in and had 6 people around me and off I went, dh came back from going to get him self a drink and updating family to me gone, couldn’t believe how quick no 2 was in comparison to no 1, but your above info of dif re planned/emergency/crash makes sense, thanks for that!

I haven’t read your entire thread as I’m in a rush to go out, but, I had elected for a C-section and my waters broke the day before, my contractions started on the way to the hospital but when I got there, they asked me if I wanted to go ahead with a natural birth or if I still wanted a C-section. I was still able to have a C-section which was termed as an emergency C-section, but was extremely calm. I was emphatic that I did not want a natural birth and they took me seriously.

You are more likely to bleed under GA and all other things being equal it’s generally the less ideal of the anaesthetic options for both mother and baby. Maternal refusal is an absolute contraindication to a spinal though, and if you’d prefer the higher risk option then they would do it, but you seem pretty risk averse generally so itd be an unusual decision.

Why you’re so worried about ‘contingency’ plans over the weekend when you have a date during the week. Elective lists are routinely staffed separately to emergency lists these days. You didn’t labour early last time so unless there’s a particular reason to expect you’ll labour early this time 39+6 doesn’t seem terribly unreasonable. In the event that you do go into labour before the section date then it’d become a cat2/3 section unless anything else medical changes - usually just like an elective but a bit faster. Having a section booked earlier in the 39th week doesn’t absolutely avoid the chance of that happening either. There’s no point comparing your friend’s delivery plans with yours but it’s perhaps worth letting them know that if there’s any fluidity in the electives that week and someone delivers early/changes their mind you’d be happy to take their place (would obviously need the bloods and whatnot doing first).

Yes this was explained and why i have decided to be awake throughout the procedure.

The only thing that actually hasn't been discussed with my consultant is a natural birth plan. But obviously i did not expect for this to be booked in at 39 weeks plus 6 days . I do agree the labour was longer with my first but i do believe that was down to her being 9 lb 4 once my waters broke there was no stopping her. which resulted her shoulder getting stuck partly and she jabbed me with this on her way out🫣🤣 hence the 3 b tear.

But also to add an issue they didnt listen to me last time when i was in labour and they wouldnt take me to the labour ward again due to staffing issues again and i was 7 cm dialated with no pain relief . They left me in a room on my own , which has been very obviously looked into and was apologised about this. So me going in asking for a c section even in labour doesn't give me much hope.

No one will say it but the issue is because it's fallen at the start of the school holidays so i believe they are understaffed .

i just feel extremely let down, hopefully all will be ok and it has been a lovely pregnancy compared to my first. But obviously i was told numerous times and even i have a letter from the hospital before getting pregnant again to say they would help support me and my next pregnancy in anyway possible and to have an elective c section. This is just bringing up past trauma which id had settled in my mind as i kept thinking this is a different birth plan, but im sorry the percentage of me going into labour statistically is 50 % making it to 39 weeks 6 days . You have to see why i feel extremely let down.

Staffing will be exactly the same as any other normal working day.

Though not as traumatic as yours, my first birth experience was awful (ended in an emergency c section) and I was adamant I wanted an elective section second time around.
I went into Labour about 5 days before my booked date. My experience was a totally different one to the first. I felt cared for and listed to. I had to wait for theatre to come free but I got my section (still classes as an emergency as it was not planned) I felt much more able to advocate for myself second time around as knew what was happening.

I completely understand your anxieties and worries OP. Please just keep discussing with your midwife and have a plan for if labour starts early. Good luck xx

First of all I’m so sorry to hear how traumatic your first birth was, my heart goes out to you. Tons of reassurance on this thread already but I thought too much can never be enough so just to add - don’t let the ‘emergency’ part throw you off, as others have said - I had two emergency sections and particularly with my second daughter it didn’t feel chaotic or truly emergency at all, it was just that they saw there was meconium in my waters so did the section, and it was very calm and fine. Especially since they will know you opted for an elective, IF you go into labour beforehand then they will just take you straight up and prep you for your section, it will essentially be like having an elective 💜💜💜

Haven’t got much of use to add but I notice you’re not getting a lot of sympathy so wanted to say I completely understand your concerns.

I was booked for an elective C Section because DC was breech. They booked me in for 39+6 like you. I didn’t push it but I wish I had. I spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy an absolute nervous wreck, terrified of doing anything to send me into labour beforehand and paranoid of any twinge or change. Is it the end of the world? No not really. But would I have preferred a less stressful end to pregnancy? Absolutely. I don’t have fond memories of the start of my maternity leave at all and far from looking forward to meeting my baby I was just so anxious. And I didn’t have another DC to look after.

As it happened I did go into labour before the section date but as baby was no longer breech on examination it was cancelled and I was forced to do it natural but that’s a whole different story and not applicable here.

I have no doubt that like others have said if you go into labour before your section date you will have a much nicer c section experience even if it’s classified as “emergency” on a technicality. But I completely understand it’s not ideal to have the prospect of going into labour early hanging over someone who chose a planned c section so it would be scheduled, calmer and more predictable after a traumatic experience. I think the only thing you can do is ask about cancellations and to be notified if an earlier slot becomes available. Best of luck!

Yes. Because if you went into labour over the weekend they’d do the section during the weekend. Some women don’t get their elective date till after their due date. There aren’t enough slots or staff or theatres. Section rate is 50% now.

@Kershaw22 you haven't been treated unfairly or let down. You seem to have been looked after well and had everything explained to you. At the beginning of this thread you seemed to want the appointment someone else has been given two days before you, now you seem to be panicking that you might spontaneously go in to labour at any time. You won't be given a really early section just in case you go into labour, but to reiterate you will be given a section of you do go in to Labour no matter when that is. You should be careful what you wish for, one of mine was born at 32 weeks and that really was a worry.

I really think you might find it helpful to think about what more you feel anyone could have done for you. I don't think there is anything, but if there is and it's achievable you could try to make it happen. General fretting about being let down won't change the treatment you will get which I'm sure will be the very best the hospital can give you within the resources that they have.

I am a little confused about your specific worry @Kershaw22?

If you go into labour before your planned section date, you will go to hospital and they will perform a section on you then - because you were already on the list for a section. You should not end up having a vaginal birth.

wow, not once have i said i wanted anyone else's appointment date and when other people have asked if i have questioned this with the hospital i havent replied and you know what no i havent brought this up to the hospital.

you have also stated maybe i should save and go private next time , i think you need to keep your opinions to yourself.

i have clearly stated even above i wouldn't want a c section at 38 weeks plus something as i am aware of even the risks of having the section early. But it is quite clear the risk of me going into labour before 39 weeks 6 days is around 50% which is quite high and i havent even planned with my consultant once about a natural birth.

also when i went to a consultant appointment with him when i was 20 odd weeks pregnant he explained the issues over the weekend and said my most likely c section date will be the following monday. I have been given the friday of that week which gives me 4 more days to go into a natural labour which yes im quite frankly terrified for .

@Kershaw22 you thought it was unfair that someone else had been given an appointment 2 days before you. You seem very dissatisfied with the treatment you are getting. The suggestion to go private was because I thought it might make you less anxious. You have not said what more you would like to have been done for you, but are determined to complain.

I really don't know what you want from this thread, or indeed from the NHS.

Yes i do think it is unfair but i understand that is the way it is and haven't brought it up to my hospital but it does truthfully add a layer onto how i am feeling.

also i never put in a formal complaint regarding my old birth which i could of, i gave feedback to the hospital with the hope that others wouldn't have to go through what i went through with my birth which was classed as a red flag incident which i was told after my previous labour by midwives having to write a separate report when i came out of theatre.

I was extremely upset after the birth of my daughter and i lost trust with my practise yes i did but i have been happy so far with my consultant and my treatment which i have never complained once at this in all of this thread about my current treatment up until this point. I am feeling very anxious the closer it is being performed on my actual due date and i was looking for people to see if they'd been in a similar situation and what happened for them.

Thank you for your reply :)

this is how i feel i have been very lucky this time and had a wonderful pregnancy and have tried to really focus on my mental health and being as positive as possible even after last time but this is testing me to be honest. I was going to start collecting colostrum ... absolutely not now 🤣

See i just have known many people from my area and mums from school who have elected c sections at my hospital and have never been given 39 weeks plus 6 so it has come as a shock for me as i didn't think they would leave it this late .

Can you answer my question @Kershaw22?

Are you worried you will end up having a vaginal birth?

I was booked in for an elective section (at 39 weeks) after having an emergency with my first baby as she was unidentified breech.

My waters went at 38 weeks at around 3am (as they had with my first) so I went straight into hospital and they put me first on the list for elective sections that day.

It was a calm and ordered experience - completely different from my first emergency section. Recovery was way easier and quicker and I was home the next day.