Pregnant after three sections and extensive mesh repair, feeling scared

[Tashablu]

Hi I am currently 14+4 with my 4th baby. I have had 3 previous sections, my last section didn’t heal and it ended in an incisional hernia that was large and took 8 hours to repair. I have a piece of mesh from my scar to just under my breast, it measures 20cmx30cm so it’s big. I had my first consultant appointment this week and I’m pretty terrified. She has never seen this sort of pregnancy or birth before and after discussing me with many of her colleagues none of them have seen or heard of anything like me before. They believe I won’t be able to carry baby to full term as my mesh isnt flexible and the pressure from baby growing is going to hurt. They said I will likely be admitted into hospital before full term as the pain is going to become unbearable. They used the words bail out early, which means baby will spend time in nicu but right now they are trying to figure out a plan to get baby out. They said they can’t cut through the mesh as it’s like concrete and likely fused to one or more of my organs and the risk of organ damage is high. The one suggestion they have right now is to cut me vertically from chest down as far as they can and bring baby out through the top. I will obviously be asleep during the birth which is one thing that is terrifying to me not seeing my baby and knowing they are ok is breaking my heart. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy, I am a single mum and met someone and did the deed once in over a year. I know protection is a thing and I went to my gp as soon as I found out to make sure it was even possible to carry a baby with such extensive surgical mesh but then I had an early scan and had 2 more scans since then and every time I see bub I just fall more in love so I feel like even if they said I couldn’t continue with the pregnancy I wouldn’t be able to terminate. My consultant tried to be really reassuring she even said she has called an oncologist in as he is a brilliant surgeon so they are doing everything they can to keep us both safe but I’m just looking to see if anyone has ever been through anything like this. Or even what a section under a general is like bonding wise? I’m just lost I guess as I’m scared for me and baby and I just want us to be ok.

This is one of the reasons I find a lot of the theoretical abortion discussion difficult. They miss the number of terminations that end wanted, even if not planned, pregnancies where if you look in isolation a baby could be brought into a world where they will be loved and cared for and they might have the best life they could have.
Real life doesn't work in isolation. Real life doesn't always end with the happy ending or with the bad bits glossed over.
I can't talk about your circumstances but I was a listening ear to a good friend when she found herself unexpectedly pregnant. 6 months earlier she had been given 50% chance of living through the night and on the standby list for an ICU bed. Through fast actions of her consultant she stabilised and didn't need the transfer to ICU but it left her body weak. She was told that if she was to continue her pregnancy she would most probably have a relapse of the condition that caused the sepsis and her body would be too weak to carry to term. She would be admitted and once the baby reached viability they would look at a preterm delivery. Her and the father were asked if they had a plan for if she didn't survive the pregnancy. She made the decision to end the pregnancy.

It was a brutally hard decision to make, in some ways it was the worst decision she made but it was also the absolute best decision she made. This was over 10 years ago and the way her life has gone this would have been her only chance of a child. I have spoken to her several times since about this decision, she has had so many different emotions about it, positive and negative but at the end of the day she is confident that she made the right decision for her given the information she had at the time. If she could have had a glass ball that could have given her a peak into the future and see that her and her baby were the 1 in 10000 that came through unharmed she might have made a different decision as it was she had to balance all of the risk and possibilities and make her decision based on that.

You love this baby, you will always love this baby. That's not the question to ask yourself. If you sit down and look at what might happen; the good, the bad and the in-between. What is the right decision for you and your family and what information do you need to help you make this decision?

Oh god this is terrifying. They really should have discussed this with you when they did the original surgery and sterilised you then.

This sounds like a very dangerous, debilitating at best, life threatening at worst, situation to be in. You have three children who need you. I really really would be considering if continuing this pregnancy is the right thing to do. Is the father of tis baby even in he picture? Is he going to support you while you put your life and body on the line for this baby who is going to be born very fragile?

Can you even be sterilised now with the mesh in place?

How old are the your other 3 children? Is their Dad on the scene to do his share as you’ll need someone there post birth aswell as during the pregnancy.

Surely there must be some accountability and common sense to realise that your third pregnancy was very tricky and painful so might be best to get to get pregnant ever again? Did you not even consider sterilisation after that terrible ordeal?

Oh my goodness! This doesnt sound safe at all. Youve already been told that the pain will become unbearable, do you really want to put yourself through that. The health professionals have said that they've never seen anything like this before so they dont have anyone else to compare to, so youll have no idea if its doable! you'll be an experiment for want of a word. Id think very carefully before continuing with your pregnancy for the sake of yourself and your children. Good luck

I really don’t want to join in the pile on but I can’t believe what I have just read. You had what sounds like a one night stand, without using any protection, and then didn’t even to think of getting the morning after pill. And now you are have a very very risky pregnancy.

I know it will be hard to terminate as you’ve started bonding but you had the option to do so as soon as you found out and did nothing. You need to think about your life and your existing children. This pregnancy is not viable.