40 years old and just discovered I am pregnant today for the first time

[OneKookyRedFox]

Ok deep breaths……I’m 40 and have just found out I am pregnant today. I have never been pregnant before and have quite a complicated gynae history - ovarian torsion/laparotomy and oophrectomy at 18. Lletz procedure mid 20’s….awful break up with long term partner 3 years ago who I thought was going to be “the one” .I guess children was something I thought would never happen.

I’ve had peri menopause symptoms for months and the last few weeks they have really ramped up. Awful palpitations, waking up every night 1am til 5am and my period which is normally pretty regular was a few days late (normally 23/24 day cycle, today is day 29)

I thought it was worsening peri symptoms and something in me made me go out and by a test……I’ve done a clear blue early detection test and very much positive.

My partner and I were not actively trying, but at the same time I haven’t been on birth control and we’ve been using the old pull out method which has worked thus far in our 2.5 year relationship but I know in my own heart I always wanted the opportunity to become a mum…..

He doesn’t know yet. He’s a divorced dad with an 8 year old who he has 50% of the time and absolutely dotes on but I know finds it all quite stressful. I really hope he’s going to be okay when I tell him.

Today doesn’t even feel real. What do I need to do? Get some folic acid? Book a gp appointment? Re test again soon? Obviously this is all very early days and anything can happen. My heads a shed!!!

Congratulations

Huge congratulations- I had my first at 40 and loved it . Start by taking some time to process and when you are certain that this is for you phone your gp and get registered with your local midwifery team

Yes to folic acid , good food and rest - treat yourself !

Congratulations!

Congratulations!
Absolutely 100% yes to folic acid, do that tomorrow. The sooner the better!

As pp says, take time to let the news sink in.

There’s not much to do except do some research on you local procedure for booking in, when and who to tell healthcare wise. It’s all a bit of an anticlimax if I’m honest as midwives/GP are less than interested until you are nearing 12 weeks.
This is true in my area anyway, might be different in other areas.

Congratulations!! 💐

Yes to folic acid, it will be included in a Pregnancy multivit, as you also don't want too much vit A.

Your partner may be a bit shocked at first, and a bit negative. Mine was, with a similar suprise pregnancy. But he processed it over the next few weeks, and has been a brilliant dad to our now 21 year old 😁

Congratulations. My first child was born three months after my fortieth birthday; his sister followed two and a half years later, both happy, healthy and I’m so very glad I had them

Thankyou everyone. It’s obviously very early days and I still don’t know what made me go out and buy that test other than being a couple of days late……I literally just wanted to check I was correct in feeling like I was in peri-menopause, especially given symptoms over the last few months.

Im dreadfully worried about telling my partner. We don’t even live together despite being together for 2.5 years now due to various circumstances and I had recently been initiating “future” talks with him to make steps to getting somewhere together so this is going to feel like a huge double whammy to him.

He’s a lovely lovely amazing guy (probably the kindest I’ve ever met) but lives quite the chaotic lifestyle juggling a full time job in A&E and co parenting his daughter 50% of the time and is very much the “guilty Disney dad” so I’m really unsure as to how he is going to take this especially when we have never “explicitly” had the children talk.

Stopped by the pharmacy tonight and picked up the folic acid. Pharmacist said i
might need to be on prescription strength folic acid due to my age so I’ve phoned ahead to the gp’s and someone will be in touch tomorrow.

What a day. This doesn’t feel real?

Are you happy about this news? If he's not on board are you able to parent alone ? I think it is a wonderful thing and you seem to be fully embracing your surprise pregnancy. Hope everything will fall into place for you and your partner.

You're in shock a bit OP, I should think! As he will be, when you tell him.

Imo, you grab this chance. Don't worry too much about him, or how he will cope. This is your chance to be a mum! He's already a dad. Now it's your turn.

folic acid start today! Book in with midwife is at 10 weeks iirc so let GP know when you’re ready. Congratulations!

I’m quite shocked and overwhelmed to be honest!

I think given my history and everything that’s happened I just thought it would never happen to me.

You don't have to tell him straight away. Take some time for yourself to let it sink in.

Congratulations. This is the start of something wonderful for you.

I had mine at 40, it's fine. Load of women are having children later, they just look after you a bit more closely. Not sure about prescription strength folic acid, I never had that! Zita West vitamins are expensive but v good quality. Congratulations OP, it's a bit tiring but wonderful and worth it!

What lovely news! Book in with the midwife at the GP surgery to have your booking in appointment, she’ll work out your dates and book in your first scan.

folic acid and rest is all you need at the point!

please keep us updated, I love a good thread like this one!

Congratulations OP!
As someone who very nearly divorced my DH some years ago due to him not wanting a child with me, I can imagine the turmoil you feel. Deep in my heart I knew I wanted a baby more than I wanted a partner. You can get a partner at any age. You only have so long for a baby.
We are still together and happy with a nearly 3yo DD, and I love being a mum more than anything.
I really hope your partner can get on board - he did practise risky birth control, didn’t he - fingers crossed for you xx

Congratulations OP!

Don't want to derail, but I'm really surprised you have been recommended higher dose folic acid purely because you are 40. I've just checked the NHS website and this is not common practice. Higher dose is usually recommended for obese women and women with a family history of neural tube defects on either side, but not just because an expectant mother is 40.

Did the pharmacist give any more information about why this was a recommendation?

He didn’t……I think he was a bit unsure of the protocol to be honest, sent me off with the bog standard folic acid tablets and said book in with GP asap as they might want to give you a higher dose. He was very lovely about it all though!

I’m expecting a call or text from the gp tomorrow so we can take it from there wether they want to see me earlier or in a few weeks.

I shouldn’t have too much trouble working dates out…In fact I pretty much know which day it was. I think this all stems from a night of celebrating at the start of January when I went to graduation for my masters degree and we both went out for a lovely meal and got rather tipsy.

If your partner knows you aren’t on birth control, and he hasn’t been using condoms, then it surely won’t come as a total surprise?
Congratulations to you and I hope telling him goes well once you’ve both had a chance to let it sink in.

Whoop congratulations! 🙌

Exactly. His choices played a part in this situation as well!

Massive congratulations! I’ve just had my first at 42 (fell pregnant at 41) and it’s amazing. Your midwife will give you the stronger folic acid at your first appointment with her - my GP just forwarded me directly to the midwife services and they were responsible for my care through the pregnancy.

I hope the discussion goes well with your partner - just remember that you’ll have had slightly more time to acclimate to the news than he will have had when you tell him so he might need a few hours to get his head around it!

Eeeek…this is crazy but really happy for you, no matter how it happened!

Congratulations! Like you I had a complex gyni history, had a tortuous fertility journey through my 30s and then at 38 DH and I decided to give up and enjoy the rest of our lives.

Putting it to bed allowed me to refocus, I lost weight booked a holiday that DH and I had always wanted to do ( think cricket barmy army in the Caribbean) then 6 weeks before we flew out I found out I was pregnant. With a history of multiple early miscarriages I was pragmatic and assumed it would be over before it began and was more focused on the holiday.

Anyway, that was 22 yrs ago and our little surprise pregnancy is now a 21, 6’3” DS cricket playing miracle. I say miracle because my pregnancy was not straight forward but DS was determined to join us.

We are now at the other end of the parenthood journey, DS is at uni and has almost grown up. It has been an incredible journey, mostly fun and never without surprises. He was always going to be an only , not by choice but medical advice, but he claims that we definitely brought him up as if he was one of many. DH and I are both from fairly large families and DS’s cousins are all around the same age ( we all left it late to start families) so we didn’t treat him like he was special.

I loved being a mum, and although ancient I was probably more relaxed than if I’d been younger. We were able to privately educate DS which made life a little easier at the school gate since most of the mums were mid to late 30s and a couple were older than me. Only one mum was young enough to be my daughter.

One of my proudest moments as an older mum was not coming last in the mums race at sports day. I never felt out of place, I have always looked young for my age so that helps. Also being happy in my skin was a big advantage. By 40 you’ve generally found yourself, are financially stable and don’t really give a sh*t about what people think.

Congrats!
I too would have said the prescription dose of 5mg folic acid, rather than over the counter 400mcg is generally for overweight women or a history of neural tube disorders.

In some areas, you just self- refer to the local midwifery unit. Hopefully your GP can advise anyway if they need to do that in your area or you can.

Are you in the UK? Have a look at the NHS website on healthy eating during pregnancy. Some common, day to day foods are best avoided due to the risk of listeria, or should be heated before eating.

Consider getting the NIPT. Its a blood test and scan from 10 weeks which can check for several disorders such as down syndrome, trisomy 13 and 18 etc. Its not considered diagnostic though like amnio/CVS. Its paid privately though but can be done before the NHS 12 weeks scan/bloods (which might not actually be done till weeks later than 12 weeks!) I'm so glad I paid for it myself. I got pregnant at 38 for the 1st time after 4yr TTC. Unfortunately the baby had trisomy 13, but I was so grateful to know so early on and could make choices accordingly.

Your partner hasn't been using condoms or any contraception, so a pregnancy shouldn't be a surprise!

Wishing you all the best x