About to be a first time mum at 40 !!!!!

[NoisyJadeWriter]

I’m 40 and currently pregnant with my first baby. I’m feeling a mix of excitement and nerves about becoming an “older mum” and would really love to hear from others who’ve been in a similar position.

My husband is 45 and we’ve been married for 11 years. We’ve wanted children for a long time, and after a long journey, I’m finally expecting. I’m due in March and, so far, everything is going well, but I’m still cautious emotionally and a little nervous about what’s ahead.

I’ve decided not to find out the baby’s gender. Honestly, I just want a healthy baby and to be a good mum. We’ve been reading lots, attending antenatal and parenting classes, and trying to prepare as much as possible, but I know so much of parenting is learned on the job. I’d love to hear from other first-time mums, especially those having their first later in life, about what surprised you most, how you managed those first few weeks, and any tips for feeling confident as a new parent.
I’m also thinking about birth and hoping for a straightforward, natural birth if possible, but I know things might not go exactly to plan. How realistic is it to aim for a natural birth at this age, and what advice would you give someone trying to prepare mentally and physically?

Any reassurance, advice, or honest experiences would be so welcome. I’d love to hear what helped other mums feel ready and confident in those early months.

I’m very grateful I spent a lot of my mid-late 30s doing a lot of work on myself and I went to therapy by myself and my husband and I had couple therapy too. We sort of accepted that we wouldn’t have kids It was very tough especially in the house we bought it’s a family house, a few family members suggested we sell it as it quite emotional for us. We bought the house wanting to start a family. What made me start therapy was when my friend of 25 years got pregnant with her 3rd child at 37 I was so jealous I was of course happy for her but I realised how green and it made me sad because she made my husband and I god parents.

This is so silly but I feel so privileged to be pregnant and expecting a healthy baby. My husband and I will give this baby the world. I’m glad it took us this long I’ve really worked on myself and we’ve worked on our marriage I hope our child brings us even closer it’ll hard to adjust to a new life but we are so ready to give it our all. We’ve got so much support and I can’t wait to welcome baby!!

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy!! March will be here soon, eek!

Im also “older”, being pregnant at 43, not my first (is my second) but my last was 16 years ago so I’m feeling like this is all so new again and at a very different time in my life.

I’m also hoping for a natural birth (possibly with induction though which doesn’t phase me), which my obstetrician has said no reason why not. I’m still early (12 weeks) so a long road ahead.

Congratulations!
I think many older parents make better parents after having lived life, (some) having a great career and just being ready to settle. I had my first much later on like you and I had my career, home, life experience of ups and downs as well as therapy! I would have been a good mom at 20, 25, 30, 35 but I really do think I was a fantastic mom at 40! Although that’s certainly not knocking any younger moms - motherhood is a gift at any age.

Enjoy it op.

Many congratulations! Had my 2nd at 40 - a natural water birth with no problem. I was so excited to be having a baby as had given up hope (IVF) & was determined to enjoy everything. This attitude made the night times/lack of sleep much easier to deal with because I kept thinking how extremely lucky I was to have this beautiful baby & that I would never have this experience again. It was tough (breastfeeding didn’t work out, lack of sleep etc.) but also totally wonderful. Best of luck & enjoy your baby!!

I'll be 40 when I give birth and FTM, IVF. There are plenty of mums this age in my friend group. Enjoy it :)

@NoisyJadeWriter - I had mine at 39. Many people had kids later in life around me - so I never felt like and "old mom" - not on a playground, not at the school gate. So - don't worry about it.

As to the birth - don't imagine too much how it needs to be. Most important thing is that the baby is born healthy.
I was like you in a way - was hoping for a natural birth and ended up with a c-section. Blamed myself somehow. Couldn't breastfeed really - blamed myself again. Ended up with PND.
Looking at it now - with benefit of time I realise how I focused on the wrong things - rather than being focused on simple things that are more important.

Just be happy when the baby arrives. Give them love and nurture - and enjoy every moment. This is important as it goes really fast.

I was 41 with my first 44 with my second. The first six months are hard regardless of your age! The lack of sleep will test anyone. I guess my advice is enjoy every minute. They don’t stay little for long. Congratulations I hope all goes smoothly for you, buckle up it’s one hell of a ride! I am so glad I got to do it twice.

Congratulations! In my area 40 is no longer considered old mum territory. A friend had her first at 40, 2nd at 42 and last at 44. All natural births. In some ways I think starting later for your first is different to having one in your 20s then having one in your 40s - you haven't been worn down yet by previous kids 😁!
Everyone says it goes fast but it's so true. Enjoy it.

Congratulations, I had my second at 41, she's now 3 :) birth wise it was different from my first as I wasn't allowed to go past 39 weeks due to multiple risk factors and not just age, fairly quick labour in the end, no issues, home within 5 hours, induction wasn't the best for me, but it was the best thing to get the baby out as had problems with her heart rate, turned out the cord was wrapped around her. Being an older mum compared to the first time, the only difference is more wrinkles 🤣 and a few more grey hairs 🙂

The first few months can be tough and tiring, but it all goes far too quickly!

I’m further behind in my pregnancy, only 15 weeks, but just turned 40. Waited long (and tried very hard) to get here. My partner and I feel the same! Just want to give this child everything we can! Very oh so grateful to be here. I’ve been told to expect induction due to my age, and have some medical history cervix wise that might complicate birth plans, so I’ve been told to just keep an open mind about the ‘plan’.

I had my first at 38 and second at 40, one of my biggest fears was that I would be the oldest at Antenatal classes and the oldest at the school gates.
I wasn't!
Try and connect with the Antenatal goers, many years later they are amongst my best friends and I needed them as much as family in the first years.

Congratulations, really wish you a beautiful journey with you baby.

I found KGH hypnobirthing helpful to get through a physiological ("natural") labour/birth. Sadly had a 3rd degree tear but all has recovered.

I also highly recommend doing some prep on how you will feed your baby. Olivia hinge author of a book called judgement free guide to infant feeding, boob bottle and all is currently 99p on kindle. Lucy Webber's Breastfeeding and the fourth trimester was absolutely amazing for me when I was post partum (I listened to the audio book). All these resources have been fantastic and I've successfully exclusively breastfed my baby for the past 11 months.

Take care OP and have a wonderful journey into parenthood x

Congratulations!!!

Congratulations! So happy for you! I’m also 40 (although weird to say that as birthday was just a few weeks ago so still getting used to being in my 40s 😂)
There does seem to be quite a few of us on the boards so it’s good not to feel the odd one out.

Huge congratulations. I had my first at 39 and 5 months, and my second 2 months before my 42nd birthday.

My first pregnancy and birth were both horrendous, but there’s no reason that your’s would be OP.
An MRI scan before my second pregnancy revealed that I had a small pelvis and it was physically impossible for me to give birth to a baby larger than 6lb, hence needing an emergency c-section for my 8lb boy who got stuck and became distressed.

My second planned c-section was blissful, looked after by an amazing consultant led team. I enjoyed the entire experience which went without a hitch.

Afterwards, through the NCT magazine (pre internet) I set up a group specifically for older local mums, and 3 of us are still friends 30 years later.
I knew nothing babies, had no mum friends or mum relatives before I had mine, and sadly no mum of my own as she died young. No help from in-laws either, so we were very much on our own to start with. My NCT friends were a massive support.
Despite how hard it was the first time, it was the best thing ever, and number 2 was always going to be.

Take time to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, have a wonderful time with your family OP. The time really does go by in a flash.

Congratulations OP! How exciting!

Youre in a wonderful position to welcome your lovely baby into your lovely home. You’ll be grand! ❤️

Congratulations! I had my first and only at 40, and it has been great. Most of the mums in her class are around my age (usually with older children as well), although there are a few who are mid 20s and technically young enough to be my child...

Congratulations!
There are 2 women in particular who I would recommend you read up on.
Kemi Johnson and Dr Sara Wickham.
Both will be so helpful to you.

Congratulations 🤍 your baby is so wanted, and so loved. Please do not over think parenting, you’ll be a natural, your destined for it and I promise it’ll all feel natural as soon as they are in your arms.

best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, labour and sending you lots of love. Enjoy every moment. xxxx

Massive congratulations, I was 4 months off 41 when I had my son and my fiancé was 45 so we were in a similar boat. I was induced with the hormone drip purely because of my age (and they told me in my first midwife appointment they'd want to induce me) but like you, just wanted everyone to be healthy so I was willing to do what I was told by the professionals. I actually felt treated like a VIP during my pregnancy, was never called a geriatric mum and had a cheerleading squad of 6 amazing women in the room while I was pushing my son out. The main piece of advice I can give is look up hypnobirthing - some simple breathing techniques really helped me push and deal with the pain.

As for once baby is here, being older means you hopefully know your own mind. If you want to breastfeed, try it, if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world and if you don't want to do it, say so. The sleepless nights are a mad period but when it's 3am and you're up feeding little one, I can't even describe the amazement and wonder you feel looking at this little human you created, it's mad. Yes it's hard work, but none of the phases last forever, and then you're onto the next challenge!

Just be kind to each other - tiredness and the tit for tat can creep in but it's a massive adjustment for everyone. And just wait until you have a toddler making a mess every 30 seconds - that's my latest challenge! Good luck and take lots of photos/videos so you can look back and remember the madness!!

Congratulations! I had my first (and last) baby at 38. I honestly don't think you can prepare for the birth or newborn phase but be kind to yourself and enjoy every second! The thing that helped me the most was a caboo sling it was an absolute game changer for me. I wore him everywhere for months, it's not for everyone but he was a very clingy and very poorly baby for a while. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I wish you all the very best 😊

Also.. the nights might seem long, but enjoy them ( as much as you can) as they grow so quickly.

dont feel pressured to make plans or see people. do what you need and put yourself and baby first.

I strangely enjoyed the late nights and disturbed sleeps and I knew the next day came with no plans, slow days, in pjs, rubbish tele, a cup of tea, rich tea biscuits and a baby curled on my chest 🫶🏼 that’s my idea of my baby bubble & it felt perfect xxx

Firstly: congratulations!!

Secondly: who's been feeding you all this 'older mum' rubbish?! As long as you look after yourself age makes little difference. I had my 1st at 39 and my second at 42. I had a more straightforward birth experience than lots of others in my nct group, my dds are perfect and we have a healthy lifestyle. It's all down to the individual and how much you look after yourself. Obviously there are others who are unwell, have health conditions etc etc but I'm referring to women in general.

You cannot plan for everything.
One day at a time.
Expect to be sleep deprived.
Let go of housework standards or hire in help.

My ethos is that if your body is up to it
and you feel mentally able then have children at any age. My midwife said to me “you’re ready when you’re ready”. I had a my daughter at 38
and am hoping to have a second at age 41.