Tips Please! Fake Drinking at Christmas

[LurkingWithTea]

Hello! My husband and I are about to begin TTC, and this will be our first baby and we want this to be our special secret for a bit before bringing other people in. By Christmas, I either won't be 12 weeks or will still be TTC, so we still won't want to tell anyone. But I am a known social drinker. I plan to fake drinking rather than make up excuses that draw attention to it but I'm not really sure the best way to go about it. This is partly as I do have people in my life who pay attention to whether or not I have 'drunk enough' at parties, but especially as I usually drink something that is from a big bottle shared with the whole group. Like if I bring a bottle of wine with Shloer in someone else will have a glass and will definitely notice! I like the idea of using the cocktail cans but people will notice if I'm pouring it out and replacing the contents. And having DH drink my drink sneakily is a great idea but will only be a possibility in half of the situations! I do make a round from time to time so I could make a fake one for myself but I just as often get drinks made for me. Any advice for how you or someone in a similar situation managed it? I would also appreciate suggestions of fake wines or spirits that taste like the real thing... if such a thing exists! TYSM! ♡

It is a valid question, and we have discussed it... We wanted to start TTC over a year ago but life just kept getting in the way and it felt like there was never a good time so we kept putting it off, every time just for a couple months but then something else important would pop up. And we're finally in a place where it's about as good a time as it could possibly be and I've frankly had enough of waiting. I just want to be a mum and I feel like if we put it off again, then we'll be putting it off forever...

I would 100% still drink if you haven't actually tested positive by then. But its your choice. I found it surprisingly effective to say oh yes I do have a drink, I've just put it down in the other room. Soda water in a prosecco flute looks the same. Nobody will be paying much attention once they've had a couple themselves.

Are you hosting? Can you offer to help cook the Xmas dinner? My mum never had a drink before the dinner was on the table, she was such a perfectionist.

Or let someone pour you a glass and pretend to sip it then chuck it down the sink or the loo when nobody's looking.

It is hard dealing with all the questioning, but I think they're all just excited... we're very close with our families and very close with our friends, and all of us are usually very open with one another about our lives, so to them it probably feels like a normal question? Idk. If we had been TTC for a while and were struggling, we would probably tell them. But this journey is completely new to us and we just want it to be between the two of us, our special secret in our own private bubble, for a while – until we're ready to share. It is so lovely knowing how loved our little one will be and how excited everyone is for it, but I just want to be able to tell people when I'm ready...

I really only drink socially and that's less than once a week... however... EVERYONE is waiting for me to get pregnant, and have said as much.

This is so weird.

I honestly can't imagine people (no matter how good friends they are) monitoring what you're drinking or how much. Just get a glass of fizz and carry it round with you taking sips from it every now and then.

Such drama!

This.

Anyone who challenges people who are not drinking is rude as fuxk.

Being hungover is my favourite excuse. Drank so much the previous day it’s knocked you sick and you can’t touch another drop.

So maybe if you're happy sharing a lot with them tell them you are on a health kick for a few months before you try to start a family.

I really only drink socially and that's less than once a week... however... EVERYONE is waiting for me to get pregnant, and have said as much.

If this is realiy the case and not you being a wee bit Main Character, then be prepared. People like this will be a nightmare when you actually ARE pregnant, and worse when the baby arrives.

Unless you literally get pregnant on the very first cycle, which is statistically unlikely for all couples regardless of fertility status, this is a total non-problem.

Everyone is waiting for you to get preg. Really ??

And keep asking ?

They sound really rude and quite frankly not proper caring friends

say to them you are having trouble ttc naturally and next step is ivf so you would appreciate if they didn’t keep asking you as it’s upsetting you

My daughter tried all the tricks around pretending to drink alcohol when she was pregnant, her friend spotted it straight away.

Put non alcoholic wine in a alcoholic bottle. And I get the monitoring thing. My family did this with me. The first party I went to pregnant (5 weeks) they actually asked to taste my drink. They knew straight away.

Absolute nonsense.

I'd leave it until when/if this is actually an issue because TTC can sometimes take a while.

I didn’t say anything to her but I clocked a friend was pregnant recently because she was driving, not so much because of that but because she was drinking lemonade and that to me was the dead give away because she normally drinks diet coke by the litre but was obviously watching the caffeine.

If you really want to sell it then get a glass of wine or fizz. Carry it about. Take the odd micro sip. DH gets the same drink as you and when he’s half way through discreetly swap. Accept top ups when the bottle comes round. Repeat the swap with DH. Bonus points for leaving a half fished glass on the side and/or tipping it down the bathroom sink. Keep at that all night and no one will notice so long as you keep taking drinks. Then you will likely need to leave early because DH will bladdered after ‘drinking for 2’.

Or this could be a total non issue because you’re not actually pregnant yet and it’s already mid October so chances aren’t that high that it’ll happen before Christmas… fingers crossed for you though!

This is so fucked up.

People like this is why people have to work out what their behaviour should be, and how they need to change to satisfy the invasive, nosy, insensitive people around them.

It honestly blows my mind. It’s impossible that in a large group of people, there is no one who had struggled to conceive, or suffered losses etc.

So I have just come away from a weekend with my partners family and extended family. They are all big drinkers so me saying no or making an excuse would have them all guessing straight away.
I had an old bottle of rum in the cupboard and decanted it out, washed it out and stuck 0/0 Morgan spice in it. You honestly couldn't tell and I got away with it all weekend 🎉
Some even tried my drink asking what I had as I normally drink a mix of things.
I told them I mixed a couple of different runs to make a full bottle as it wasn't a Morgan's bottle.

This is daft.

Firstly, your friends sound rude and insensitive - it's clear you are likely to be TTC, so if they spot you aren't drinking / look a bit pale / have a bit of a tummy, then it's likely you are pregnant. Any decent person notices, says nothing and maybe chats to other friends separately.

Secondly, so what? If you are in the fortunate position to be pregnant by then, just don't drink. If they ask, just shrug it off, give a hard stare if needed. Don't confirm pregnancy, and if they push, make it clear it's really rude of them to ask.

Many many times over the years I have realised a friend / co-worker / acquaintance is probably pregnant. Said nothing, waited to hear the happy news in time.

Best of luck with TTC, and forget about all the amateur dramatics / replacement drinks / excuses and so on.