Tips Please! Fake Drinking at Christmas

[LurkingWithTea]

Hello! My husband and I are about to begin TTC, and this will be our first baby and we want this to be our special secret for a bit before bringing other people in. By Christmas, I either won't be 12 weeks or will still be TTC, so we still won't want to tell anyone. But I am a known social drinker. I plan to fake drinking rather than make up excuses that draw attention to it but I'm not really sure the best way to go about it. This is partly as I do have people in my life who pay attention to whether or not I have 'drunk enough' at parties, but especially as I usually drink something that is from a big bottle shared with the whole group. Like if I bring a bottle of wine with Shloer in someone else will have a glass and will definitely notice! I like the idea of using the cocktail cans but people will notice if I'm pouring it out and replacing the contents. And having DH drink my drink sneakily is a great idea but will only be a possibility in half of the situations! I do make a round from time to time so I could make a fake one for myself but I just as often get drinks made for me. Any advice for how you or someone in a similar situation managed it? I would also appreciate suggestions of fake wines or spirits that taste like the real thing... if such a thing exists! TYSM! ♡

I’m sorry OP but I agree with this. Get one alcoholic drink, carry it around all night or switch and swap with soft drinks. I really don’t think anyone will notice

one bit of advice though is don’t ask for a lime and soda! I did it as designated driver and cost me £4.50 which was about the same price as a nonalcoholic bottle of cider

I like having gin and tonics, but without the gin.

Add ice, a garnish - how would anyone ever know.

This is terrible advice.

Mocktails and non-alcoholic wine might save you, or carrying around a glass of something alcoholic and tipping it out when you can. Good luck TTC!

You said the child was now 25…
It was a great cover story, it was used a lot, and now everyone knows it unfortunately

Oh no boohoo it would be simply impossible to lie

What an excellent variety of excuses!

You know that’s not true right!?

Or you could just go on the waggon now and tell them you are no longer drinking.

Jesus it’s so awful that people can’t feel they can just not drink without being hounded. Bloody alcohol,

Anyway OP there are some nice AF fizzes and you can also get some premixed cans, G n T and the like.

Quite a few comments have suggested not drinking, and it is a fair comment. Honestly, if my friends were anyone else, I would probably do that 😂 however, drinks are usually on hand when we get together and I can only get away with declining drinks on very rare occasions (I also don't drive so that excuse is sadly DOA). There truly is nothing wrong with not drinking — I used to not drink, and I am by no means 'an alkie', I really only drink socially and that's less than once a week... however... EVERYONE is waiting for me to get pregnant, and have said as much. I saw a couple comments calling me out for thinking I'm the 'main character' and I will say I think that's a bit harsh, and my asking this question is nothing to do with that. It's the fact that I've been stood there, tipsy and with a frequently drunk-from glass of wine in hand, and still been asked if I'm pregnant. Everyone in our circle knows we want children, and we've been married long enough and hit enough life milestones that people are expecting it and find no shame in asking! And anytime I've declined a drink (on one occasion only a week after both DH and I had a vicious stomach bug), I am greeted with "ooooh are you pregnant?" And people have already made it clear that "you're never going to be able to hide it from me, the second you decline that drink, I'll know!" So, this isn't me thinking I'm the MC in everyone's life, but people are nosy and like to know what's going on in people's lives, especially people they love and are close to, and our families are excited for it. But my TTC and pregnancy journeys are my own, aren't they? Am I not allowed to want to experience it how I wish and share it when I'm ready...? But, I digress, my point is, if I decline drinks for any reason at a party or on Christmas Day, people are so expecting it that they'll sense the BS immediately 😅🤷🏻‍♀️

1. your friends sound really rude and intrusive
2. if you never "decline that drink", to the point they will know something is up, that maybe doesn't come across as the healthiest attitude to booze in the world. But it doesn't make you an alcoholic either

Don't bother. You know people are looking for you to not drink and speculate. They aren't going to buy any excuses and will just speculate more.

If you genuinely want to dial down the drama and people paying it too much attention then keep it simple. If you are offered a drink decline. If someone asks if it's because you are pregnant just be honest. "Yes I am but it's really early days so anything could happen" shut down any further conversation at two weddings I was at.

Anything else is fuelling more attention and I suspect is the action of someone who secretly wants to be speculated about.

I found out I was pregnant the morning I was due to meet my sister and cousins for bottomless brunch I told my sister instantly (literally FaceTimed her while I was still on the toilet, staring at the test in disbelief, just to make sure she was seeing what I was seeing!)

Anyway, she took charge of ordering me the fanciest-looking mocktails and our cousins didn’t suspect a thing. One of them even tried a sip of mine and declared that it was a very dangerous drink because she couldn’t even taste the alcohol I admitted it when I finally told them at 12 weeks! Maybe just put your DH in charge of your drinks? If offered a prosecco or something for a toast, just pretend to take a sip and then leave the glass somewhere. Sounds like your friends will probably all be too pissed to notice anyway!

This sounds exhausting and overly elaborate. There isn't really a way to 'pretend' to drink and to not end up being noticed, if you normally all share from the same bottles. It would be much more straightforward to either tell a white lie (can't drink because you're on medication that interacts with it) or to just say you're TTC but don't want to talk about it further.

I think you are probably overthinking it OP. I don’t drink at all now (4 years sober) but I used to worry about peer pressure and comments. People don’t care really as long as they can keep drinking.

I had a bottle of nosecco hidden in the fridge, and both my Mum and DH were in charge of keeping my drink topped up, I then pretended to be tipsy. To be honest as the pregnancy went on I realised that nosecco tasted nothing like fizz. The closest I got was Freixnet zero or a zero white wine mixed with soda water. No one noticed as they had all had a few. Any real ones then my DH did a casual switch. I had found out I was pregnant 5 days before Christmas, and typically we have a party on Xmas eve for my brother's birthday so was fretting a bit, but no one noticed.

I’m not sure you’re the main character you think you are. Most people won’t notice or care. If they do, just say “I’m not drinking tonight”
alternatively, you can just have a drink between your period and ovulation, time your parties for those weeks.

Just say you’re not drinking as you’ re a teeny bit pregnant

"This is partly as I do have people in my life who pay attention to whether or not I have 'drunk enough' at parties"
Are you friends with 14 year olds? Who monitors someone else's alcohol intake? Do they not have anything better to do at parties?

But anyway

1. buy no alcohol version of a drink - 0% gin/rum, the kylie rose a pp mentioned etc.
2. buy the alcoholic version/equivalent of the same drink - e.g. normal gordon's gin, normal (ideally a low cal) rose etc. Anything as long as it has a resealable cap.

Pour 2 into a random container and pour the contents of 1 into 2. Take 2 to party.

If any of your friends offer to make you a drink of something else say either 'No thanks, I went out last week and had the worst hangover so am sticking to the same drink all evening.' Or 'No thanks, trying to lose a few pounds so sticking to my gin and tonic/low calorie wine.'

Hopefully your 'low cal' version is so unappealing nobody else will want to try it when there are more exciting drinks on offer, but even if they do, you can't taste the difference with the 0% gins (particularly if they're mixing it), a decent 0% rose, so they won't notice.

As a formerly notorious boozehound I was worried at my works Christmas do when I was just 12 weeks and nobody knew. I arrived early and took the Barman into my confidence, drank tonic water in a fancy gin glass with all the trimmings all night and nobody suspected a thing. When the meal was served I accepted a glass of wine and fake sipped it now and then, by the second course the table was such a mess of drinks nobody noticed whose was whose anyway. You only need to worry for the first hour, after that people will have had enough to drink themselves to be monitoring your intake.

If everyone expects you to try for a baby I would just say "yes, we are trying so I don't drink but no luck so far".
You don't have to tell about a pregnancy before you want to.

It might be a good opportunity to tell people that they’re being horrendously insensitive.

Waiting for people to get pregnant, asking all the time, telling you they’ll know etc etc. I hope it works out for you, but TTC is a long and emotionally exhausting journey for many. I would hate to be surrounded by such insensitive people.

But to answer your question, let someone pour you an alcoholic drink, and walk around with it. Not hard

@Cheepcheepcheep& @CheeseWiselyAre you the same person?. Both notorious booze hounds who arrive early and ' take a Barman into your confidence '

Honestly? This level of nosy intrusion is bizarre. I am 60, and never asked anyone, friend, family or colleague if they were trying to be or were pregnant. Or why they were not drinking alcohol? People don’t drink for many reasons, including alcoholism. I’d never dream of intruding. If people volunteer that’s different.

Maybe go with it’s none of your business, which it’s not? That’s not rude in any way.