My baby daddy doesn't want to trllnhis parents that I'm pregnant

[Kemelomommy]

I'm 27 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, my baby daddy and I dated for few weeks before i got pregnant. He started ignoring me when I was three months pregnant. He also hasn't told his parents about my pregnancy, and refuses to meet me to discuss anything related to the baby. I don't know what to do, this is my first baby and his second( his first lives with his parents). His excuse is that he's always busy and tired. I feel like my baby will be born and her daddy will always see her as a mistake.

There’s nothing you can do OP. You can’t change who he is, the way he feels or the way he behaves, all you have the power to do is decide how much time and energy you’re prepared to waste on him.

In the kindest possible way, it is a mistake to be pregnant with someone you’ve been dating for a few weeks.

What was his reaction when you first told him you were pregnant?

In your position, I would be making plans to reside this baby alone and looking up how to make a CMS claim so that it was ready when the baby is born.

I mean this kindly but he's clearly not interested and there's nothing you can do to make him care unfortunately so you need to decide on a plan for how you're going to raise this child alone.

Pretty much this he obviously doesn't give a fuck op

This, completely.

He probably won't step up. Stop making contact and concentrate on you and baby. It's a hard realisation to come to but you are going to be doing this on your own, and that's OK. You will be fine.

It is a mistake. He doesn't want to be a father and knows his parents will disapprove. It was unwise and unrealistic of you to bring a baby into this situation and expect everything to be fine.

Considering you have no relationship with him, you have nothing to lose by telling his parents- but you can't expect their support and you are unlikely to get it if you use them to get at the BD.

In your place, I'd probably just tell them when you're due and say if they want to be involved you'll facilitate that.

Then make sure you file for CMS straight after baby is born.

It clearly wasn’t a relationship in his eyes and the pregnancy was a mistake (on his side anyway). He doesn’t need to tell his parents or have them know. As long as he pays support for his child his obligation ends, although it would be nice if you two could be amicable and have a good co-parenting relationship so your child gets to spend equal time with their father.

Whatever you do don’t put him on the birth certificate if he shows up when your child is born.

His First child living with his parents is a massive red flag though OP, what did you think would happen here?

this is my first baby and his second( his first lives with his parents).

His first child lives with your 'baby daddy's' parents?!

Not with its mum? Or its dad?

Does your 'baby daddy' live with his parents as well?

Why do people say this like it makes any difference?

If he wants to be on the BC it costs £20 to get a DNA test and the court will happily add him to it- and the mother will look bad.

I doubt the mother will care. It’s hardly something that gets published or the courts are concerned about.

Because it does make a difference. Lots of deadbeat dads won’t bother to do this.

If he's a deadbeat Dad then who cares if he's on the BC or not?

Of course it makes a huge difference. If he is on the BC he can control and potentially abuse OP and the child for the next 18 years.

The child, probably, given it would allow him parental responsibility. Deadbeat doesn’t just mean not present.

OP, it was your choice to continue with an unplanned (likely unwanted, on his part) pregnancy. Give up on trying to get this guy interested - he’s not interested. It is possible that the reason he’s not told his parents that he has impregnated another girl is because they’ll hit the roof. They’re bringing up his first child and now there’s another on the way.

Prepare for single-motherhood and gather as much help as you can from your own family and friends.

And you think, if his aim is to control and abuse OP and the child for 18 years, he will find that he's not on the BC and say, "Oh no, my evil plan has been foiled!" and stroll away from the situation?

Having legal rights means a child would be more at risk though.

So he's got one child already that his parents are raising? Where's the Mom? Why isn't he raising his child?
Can imagine why he doesn't want to tell them, they'll be worried they'll have to clean up another load of his mess

Have the baby, file for child support. If you know his family you can tell them if you choose. Accept that he's an irresponsible dick having unprotected sex and making babies with whoever is willing. Don't expect more than that from him.

The fact his first born lives with his parents says a lot doesn’t it? Why do they not live with him? You can’t force him to take responsibility or have any interest in your baby unfortunately. I’d say forget him. There’s no point trying to get him involved when he clearly doesn’t want to be.

Her father is absolutely rubbish.
Speaking as someone who has witnessed a similar dynamic more than once I would suggest not putting him on birth certificate.
If he shows interest at a later time it can be considered then after he has paid for a DNA test. Don’t forget you don’t know this man properly or his family, you don’t want to hand over your precious child to strangers. Please protect her.

I pushed my DC father to have a relationship with them thinking it was for the best and it was quite possibly the worst thing for my son. Between being let down by most weekends and then his dad wanting a say in things that he chose to spitefully make my life more difficult. If my son had been with me full time he wouldn’t have suffered the traumas he has thanks to his father.

Do not under any circumstances give your daughter her father’s surname. I cannot stress this enough.

Do not pressure him to have a relationship with your child, instead focus on yourself and baby, get everything you’re financially entitled to.
Let him come to you, don’t ever feel pressured to let him take your baby.

And can I suggest staying single and not rushing into a relationship immediately? You're so vulnerable when a new mum and wanting to create a family unit. So many horror stories in recent years about step parents, make sure you really know someone before they’re introduced to your daughter. Having a newborn as a single mother has its lonely times but that’s not forever.

you will be amazing

He probably doesn't want to tell his parents because they are already dealing with his past fuck up and know that they won't be thrilled at his latest fuck up. You need to be prepared to do this alone if you continue with the pregnancy

I would totally ignore him for now and live in my newborn bubble peacefully. A newborn doesn’t need visits from dad it needs a happy mum. Register birth with your surname , without dad present. When baby is a couple months old claim via CSA (unless he is unemployed or on benefits or a student). If he is poor don’t go through CSA - contact his parents and tell them about baby and you’d love for baby to meet them and the half sibling. After you get them onside ask them to help you financially (if they don’t offer).

The difference is that one is legal and OP will be unable to do anything about it and the other gives OP a chance to stop him.