My baby daddy doesn't want to trllnhis parents that I'm pregnant

[Kemelomommy]

I'm 27 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, my baby daddy and I dated for few weeks before i got pregnant. He started ignoring me when I was three months pregnant. He also hasn't told his parents about my pregnancy, and refuses to meet me to discuss anything related to the baby. I don't know what to do, this is my first baby and his second( his first lives with his parents). His excuse is that he's always busy and tired. I feel like my baby will be born and her daddy will always see her as a mistake.

What is stopping you telling his parents? I would let them know, it will be less of a shock when he gets the letter informing him that you are claiming the maintenance your child is entitled to.

And please don’t call him baby daddy. He is your child’s father, start treating the situation seriously, you are about to embark on the most important relationship of your life, that between you and your child. Time to grow up.

My BD did the same to me, refused to tell his family. I posted a letter to his mums house and she wants nothing to do with her grandchild. It sounds like you are going to be raising your baby as a lone parent. Go to the cms and make a claim for child support.

Sadly her father will probably always see her as a mistake. He's clearly a feckless father if his parents are raising his first child. But you've got grandparents and a sibling there - you need to make contact with them directly yourself and forget his wishes. He's not going to step up and turn into a good dad. Focus on the relationships that will be good for her.

I’m not surprised if you sent a letter. Surely that was the equivalent of a child telling tales and wanting their own way?

What on earth are you talking about?

We were excited about it at first...
And yes it wasn't planned.
When I suggested termination he kindly asked me not to do it, he said he'll be there Al the way. I judged by the way he related his first born daughter and I trusted he was gonna be a good dad

If this man is the child's biological father then it's not difficult for him to be recognised as the child's legal father. By all means, if he's not interested, leave him off the BC but people act as though it's some brilliant scheme to protect Mums and babies from abusers, and it's really not. If anything, it can be used against her.

What part of her living with his parents made him seem like a good Dad?

I was trying to let my childs family know about them and offered my no if they wanted to talk. Its fine that they dont want to. I wasnt sure how to go about it.

You judged he would be a good dad on the fact his first child lives with his parents?

How is he a good dad if his parents look after the child?

His first child lives with his parents because she needed a safe home, since he's a cop and has a lot of people threatening him... he sees his kid every four days. And does everything for her.

How he reacted to his child? The one he doesn't live with?

That sounds like a page from the book of complete nonsense that deadbeat parents say to me. He sees his child once a week how can he possibly do everything for her? You know police officers normally see their children daily right... Also where on earth is her mother?

What a load of absolute BS 😂😂😂😂

Apologies OP, not underplaying how awful your situation is, but that is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard. I can’t even begin to explain in how many ways that is bollocks.

Christ he’s played you like a fiddle there.

Just wondering whether the term “baby daddy” is now part of UK English or whether you or the father are from the Caribbean?

When I lived there, the term was used to describe a man who fathered children but did not act in the way a “traditional” father would. He was not married to the mother, did not live with the mother and had never had any intention of doing so. After the birth he had only sporadic contact with her and the child. There was no regular financial support and he usually had other children with other “baby mothers.”

So I think that if this is the way he describes himself that is the scenario you are likely to be facing. If you have decided to keep the baby then you need to plan how you will raise it on your own. At this stage of your pregnancy I would be focussing on practical aspects. Do you have family of your own you can turn to for support? Good friends? What kind of housing/income to you have?

It is possible that his parents may offer some support in the future but you have to be realistic. If he is not interested, why should they be? They already have one grand child living with them so unless they are very young, supporting a second on a regular basis would be a lot.

Yeah right. Either he'd a dodgy cop or he's telling lies. Where's her Mom? He sees her 3 days a fortnight and you could judge his parenting skills on this?

Oh come on, you see quite naive but surely anyone can see through this? There are 150,000 police officers in the UK, where do you think all their children live?

That’s hilarious. And quite clearly a lie.

Missed the bit about why he doesn't love with her. Come on. What nonsense. He clearly DOES NOT do everything for her. He doesn't even provide her with a home!

Oh come on, he does everything - except for the school run, homework, bath time, bed time, discipline, laundry, and all that boring stuff. But every 4 days he shows up and is a really great Dad for at least a few hours.

Unfortunately, this man's behaviour is telling you, that he's not interested in you or the baby. You can't make him want to be involved with the baby, care or tell his parents. As hard as it is, you need to accept you will be bringing up your baby on your own. This man isn't going to suddenly change once the baby is born, and if this is what you're hoping for, then you're going to be disappointed. Step back from this man. Is there someone who you can ask to be there for the birth? I wouldn't rely on this man turning up. Do you have family support?

Right, because it’s so well known that police officers don’t have their DC live with them…

🤣🤣🤣🤣 most police officers have their children at home. He’s a shit dad and you’re making excuses. He isn’t telling his parents about you because you got pregnant accidentally and he’s ashamed. Look after yourself and the baby because I guarantee he won’t be involved.