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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feel so ashamed....just found out the sex

83 replies

FeelingSoAshamed · 30/05/2008 12:19

I have changed my name for this as I am too ashamed to use my regular name.

I am 12 weeks pg with DC3 and have just had my nuchal scan - all fine. At the end, the sonographer said, "shall we have a look to see if it's a boy or a girl?" and I readily agreed. He said that at this stage, there is an 80% chance of being correct as you are looking for a shape. Apparently, girls' bit slant to the side whereas boys' point upwards.

It's a boy - and I am gutted. I have 2 DDs already and assumed that I would have another one. If I am really honest I would probably have wanted another girl if I had had a choice. DH is over the mooon, esp as this baby was unplanned and he has been a bit hesitant about it until now. I can't believe how dreadful I feel. And I also can't believe what a shitty person I am for feeling like this. My beautiful baby is healthy and I had the best odds of all being well out of all 3 pregancies.

I am now at home and having a little cry. My girls are out til 2pm. I love them so much and have such a wonderful relationship with them, I just don't know how I am going to have the same with a boy. I simply can't imagine being the mother of a boy, but I obviously am going to be so need to get used to it.

Thanks for reading this far - please can someone give me a round slap around the head and tell me it'll all be OK? I know in the grand scheme of things this is a daft thing to be upset about but I can't help it.

TIA

OP posts:

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pofaced · 30/05/2008 15:10

hope you didn't think my post was of the "one sort better than the other"... point I was trying to make is that a bit of variety is nice and boys and girls are different and nice to have some variety, no more than that!

minniedot · 30/05/2008 15:31

Just be thankful that all is well with your baby and fwiw 12 week is to early to be accurate about the sex, you still may be having a dd.

SummatAndNowt · 30/05/2008 15:49

It will be okay!

It's understandable because it's fear of the unknown. You have experience of dd's and know how close your relationship can be through this experience. If you do have a boy it could well be the same.

The fact is, even if you had another dd there is no guarantee it would be like with your first two, she could have a personality the polar opposite to yours and her older siblings.

I was a tad disappointed when I found out ds was a boy, because I knew little about these strange male creatures. And now... well I would be scared if when I had another one it was going to be a girl because I am so used to having a boy and we have a great relationship.

It's all just sooo emotional and full of hopes and fears till we have our babies in our arms and it doesn't really matter!

expatinscotland · 30/05/2008 15:51

12 weeks is not far along enough to tell definitively at all.

Wait till your 20-22 weeks one.

SmoothandWilkie · 30/05/2008 15:54

Look on it this way - you are lucky enough to have two beautiful daughters and now, you get to experience the OTHER SIDE (should I say dark side ).

I have a DS who is 16mo. I was convinced that I was having a girl as all of my family have girls, my sis has twin DDs so when my little man popped out I was absolutely gobsmacked.

However, he is THE MOST fabulous litte dude you have ever seen. He is boisterous in a cute way, makes me giggle, snuggles up to me and loves cuddles but also enjoys kicking a ball around with his daddy in the garden.

IMO you have the best of both worlds with both girls and a boy!

Don't feel guilty about feeling a bit odd and disappointed - it is natural if you had a bit of a preference either way but once you have got your head round it, I promise little boys are magical.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2008 15:58

Exactly, minnie. MOST places won't even speculate on the gender at the nuchal scan because it is too early. And also the point of the scan is to take accurate measurements of the foetus.

I honestly wouldn't pay any mind to such predictions until the 20-22 week scan.

foxythesnowfox · 30/05/2008 16:00

Aww, don't cry!

You have months to get used to the idea .

There's something about 'Mummy's boys' which is special. No less special than your relationship with your DDs, no more special,but different. Boys are different, but he'll be chilled out because he's your third (IME). It may be a different experience, because I believe they are just wired differently.

BTW I have 2 boys/2 girls. Gender, position in the family all go to make up who they are, his sisters will be a big influence and they'll have lots of fun with him. I bet they will just love having a baby brother.

Don't panic. I'm not going to tell you it will be fine because I don't need to. It will be. You'll look at him and think 'my son' and your heart will burst with love.

Sorry, got all soppy there.

lilibet · 30/05/2008 16:04

I never ever ever wanted a boy, but the second I saw my ds1 I was head over heels in love (and he was a pretty ugly baby!!)

If I had found out at 12 weeks I would have been inconsolable and I know everyoen is saying the same but jsut wait till you meet him - boys really are just as lovely as girls

And when he is 15, has had a growth spurt so is far too tall for his weight, is very hairy, has a bad bout of spots and he has let his mate cut his hair for a bet, and you still think he is the most gorgeous teenage boy ever to walk the earth, remember me!

LazyLinePainterJane · 30/05/2008 16:13

I find it hard to believe that the accuracy of gender prediction is 80% at 12 weeks. Really?

I mean, I thought that the genitals looked almost the same at that age.

Crystaltipsandalaistar · 30/05/2008 16:22

i have three boys , and was gutted that ds 2 wasn't a girl. But I was completely happy that ds3 was a boy.
To me, now, they are 'my children', I don't look at them and think boy boy boy!
Ilove them to bits and wouldn't swap them for anything., They are very cuddly little boys and I belive boys are more affectionate than girls, and my little one, age 6, shouts to me 20 times a day 'love you mum' whether we are at the park, the shops, or coming out of school. I truly feel loved! They are great company too. maybe the only difference is that they have more energy - like a dog they need a run every day!

MKG · 30/05/2008 16:25

And just think, with boys you will be the woman that all others will be compared to forever.

belgo · 30/05/2008 16:25

I'm very surprised that the sosnographer even offered to look for you.

I know someone who was told she was having a boy at her 12 week scan. She then told everyone she was having a boy. Her DD2 was born 6 months later.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2008 16:29

the clitoris and penis look VERY similar when they begin to develop in the foetus.

seriously, there is every chance you are carrying a girl.

12 weeks is WAY too early.

the only way to tell with any certainty at that stage of gestation is with a CVS.

Original poster

FeelingSoAshamed · 30/05/2008 19:52

Gosh, what a lot of messages! Thank you so much for your kind responses. I've been out with a friend and her delicious DS! I think it is the idea which is freaking me out rather than the reality. My girls are particularly yummy at the moment and I just want another baby as lovely and loving as they are. However, in my rational moments I realise that a boy would be as lovely (and a girl might have a completely different personality to the other 2!)

I think the obstetrician was trying to be helpful in seeing the bits. He said from the front view all babies look the same at 12 weeks but the slant from the side view (to the side for girls and vertical for boys) was an indicator. He did say 80% though, which might be a bit ambitious. At my 12 w scan for DD2 the obs thought girl and was correct. However, you are of course completely right and the important bit was the measurements and the fact that the baby is healthy.

Thanks everyone for the responses. I really appreciate them.

OP posts:

AnybodyHomeMcFly · 30/05/2008 19:57

Boys are lovely, just lovely. I have two sisters and couldn't imagine having a boy but it has been just fabulous. So sweet and funny and he lurves his mummy. Ok so he's only 16mo but my friend who has a 5yr old DS and a baby DD says the same thing - very loving and nice.

spicemonster · 30/05/2008 20:14

I'm not surprised you feel like this. As others have said - I suspect it's about fear of the unknown. I adore my DS and if I were to have another baby, I think I'd be a bit freaked out if it were a girl. Just because I know how to look after boys now and I've got my head round to being a mum of a boy and all that entails. But you'll learn how to do it. And your lovely DDs will adore him and you can go and buy him a whole new wardrobe just for him.

I think in the end you'll relish the difference between the two. And I do think boys are generally more cuddly than girls which is utterly delicious I promise

Tinkjon · 31/05/2008 00:01

I have a DD and when I was pregnant I really wanted another girl. I thought I would be quite disappointed if I had a boy and it made me feel awful to think that, because what everybody should want is just a healthy baby, of course, as you said. BUT you can't change your feelings and it would be wrong to do so - so you are perfectly entitled to feel sad. But what I will say is that when I had the baby and they said "it's a boy" I felt about a nano-second of disappointment and then it instantly transformed into "Wow, I have a SON!!! Fantastic!!!" - so you won't believe how quickly your feelings will turn around once you meet him, I promise Also it's an old cliche, but a lot of people say that girls grow up to be really independent of you and lead their own lives, but a boy is always very attached to his mum. True or not, it's a nice thought.

QuintessentialShadows · 31/05/2008 00:16

Boys can be totally yummy and adorable and completely edible too. I think you will be surprised by the love, affection, giggles, hugs and snuggles, grins, and soft lovely skin, little boys have. I am totally besotted with mine. You will be with yours, too.

debinaustria · 31/05/2008 02:00

so many people feel exactly the same as you - I did when i found out that ds3 was on his way, the feeling didn't last too long and I am sure you will adore your lovely boy.

slinkiemalinki · 31/05/2008 21:29

12 weeks isn't too - early - read up on "angle of the dangle" - very high likelihood of getting a boy right at 12 w (though not earlier). My OB was right on at 12w exactly. I think you will be over the moon with your little boy - just like your DH is already - it's just the fear of what's different. Have a happy healthy pregnancy and enjoy having 6 months to get excited about it!

chipmonkey · 01/06/2008 00:07

FeelingSoAshamed, do you know what's really funny? The obs probably thought you would be delighted to be told you were having a boy after 2 girls! He'd probably be to think he's had the opposite effect entirely!

We were having a discussion about this in work one day and a colleague who is one of 4 girls herself said she didn't think she'd like to have a boy as she didn't know what to do with one. My other colleague who was pg, said
"No, I like little boys, they're just like little girls, they just like different things."
Which is really the truth at the end of the day.

Mind you, I have 4 boys and ended up stomping back into the house in a rage earlier because I was sitting in the garden having a lovely glass of wine when I was hit quite hard in the back with a football! But other than that they are lovely!

brucelovesfrumpygrumpy · 01/06/2008 00:13

dont be ashamed!!!

After one DD, I didn't know how I would feel if I had a boy. Ended up with b/g twins. Was more than shocked I knew I could love another girl and I did feel a bit terrified of not loving a boy.......but my boy is just gorgeous and handsome and all encompassing and says "sleep in my bed mama" when I tuck him in and "can I kiss you again mama" and all sorts of other great things. He one told me (very, very young) I was a princess in a high up castle

Give yourself a little time. You will feel fine about this. Congratulations btw!!!!

chunkychips · 01/06/2008 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brucelovesfrumpygrumpy · 01/06/2008 00:15

And I did ask a fantastic girl in the bed opposite me in hospital where to put the cream......I just didn't have a clue!! She'd only had a boy and I explained cream for girly bums to her

On the bum cheeks btw and never the testicles

Original poster

feelingsoashamed · 01/06/2008 00:18

Chipmonkey, it's the football that's worrying me! When I was lying on the scan bed, I just kept thinking "but I hate tractors and don't know anything about diggers".

I hadn't thought of that. The Obs was really excited doing the 3D scan, DH could not stop grinning and I just sat there feeling so sad, but putting on my dinner party face as if it was all OK. I told my DH today how I felt and he was fab, bless him.

I just feel so at sea with it all. EVERYONE I know in RL who has the first 2 the same had the 3rd the same and so I just assumed I would too. I even made a list and came up with 15 RL people who had a hatrick (not including people i "know" on here). You are right of course about it being a baby with its own personality rather than a "boy" or a "girl" but I'm still having trouble with that today. I know rationally I just need a few days to get over it and then I'll get excited but I'm struggling a bit this evening (possibly as it's so late and I am shattered)

Thanks for your message - and I take my hat off to you with 4! my 2 have been a challenge today, without DC3 adding to the mix

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