What to expect with newborn at wedding

[LoveaCaramelLatte]

My due date for my first child is two days after one of my best friends weddings where I've been asked to be a bridesmaid. The wedding is child free.

As long as I am physically able to I would like to go to this wedding even if only for an hour but ideally longer to support my friend.

I would like to have a conversation with my friend about what to expect if I've had the baby and feel I can come to the wedding (I'm aware I may not want or be able to go if a recent birth).

From what I've read it's going to be very hard to be separated from the baby especially as I will hopefully be exclusively breastfeeding. We're hoping my mother in law can have the baby nearby during the ceremony and then want to discuss us having the baby with us for the rest of the time we are there. I've already suggested this to my friend and she seems open to the idea.

I want to fully prepare my friend so she can make an informed decision about whether we should attend if we've had the baby. So I'd like to ask for some advice about what this wedding would look like with a newborn so I can explain this to my friend. Things like how often they need to be fed, separation at that point etc.

If you have MiL on hand nearby then baby will be fine. Newborns really do nothing but sleep and occasionally feed. You’ll just have to be ready for that.
Bigger issue will be how you’re feeling. Shattered? Sore? Sleep deprived? Massively swollen breasts? Energetic and full of beans?
Theres no hard and fast formula so you just need maximum flexibility.
good luck!

And yes, you couldn’t have prised my baby out of my hands for more than a second for a long time!

My EBF baby for the first 2 weeks hardly left my arms (or more so, my boob!). It seemed like she fed all day, they are very slow feeders at the beginning and feed very regularly for long periods. (Assuming all babies are like mine). I would anticipate the baby being on you ALOT. Make sure your dress is easy to breast fed in also.

And have nipple pads ready, I strongly suggest reusable ones as they are more absorbant than the disposable ones. You don't want to risk leaking in your dress.
Congratulations! I hope it all goes well

My latest baby would just be asleep in the corner waking every 3 hours for a quick feed and back to sleep.

personally I still had a huge pregnant belly, felt very unattractive, big pads full of blood I was changing all the time and sometimes leaking. It won’t be glamorous…

Realistically it’s highly unlikely you’ll be going if you’ve just given birth. Don’t underestimate what a huge thing your body and mind will be going through. I think you need to prime your friend that you might not be able to be there.

I do think that soon after birth it is highly highly unlikely you will be able/want to attend, so I would prepare your friend as although now you would love to go the reality afterwards may be different.
I was able to do the school run, pop to the supermarket with baby for a little stroll, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be separated from my baby for even 10 minutes, and baby was constantly attached to my nipples, and I was very very heavily bleeding. When you give birth you have an internal wound the size of a dinner plate where your placenta has grown and then detached, so you need to take it easy too. Also baby blues can hit so you’ll probably want to just be at home.

Was going to say the baby blues are likely to hit you at 2-3 days out from having a baby. A wedding is already a highly emotional event, you don’t need to be a blubbering, sweaty (oh the sweats!), bleeding, milk-leaking mess.
I absolutely understand your disappointment at not going but personally I would warn your friend that if baby is newly arrived you aren’t likely to go, and prepare yourself for not going if that’s the case.
I’m not saying it’s impossible, but there are no awards for pushing yourself into something you are not physically or mentally up to. Hormones can be brutal. If you struggle to breast feed or bond with your baby your mind can convince you of all the most stupid things, like it’s because of that couple of hours you were away (of course it’s not, but trust me the postpartum brain can convince the best new mother she’s getting it wrong!)

Also with it only being 2 days past the due date you could easily go into labour at the actual wedding (or not but if you did the bride probably wouldn’t be over the moon- although you can’t help it obviously)

Could be either way! I’ve had 3 and honestly would have been fine after each of them. I have rough pregnancies then so fine in the newborn phase! I’ve always been lucky not to feel clingy and would have been fine handing over to Mil/My mum.
I found them to be sleepy at first then the bf really took over from 5 days.
I probably would have quite liked showering and having someone do my make up.

It’s a huge range though and from friends and family I think I’m the exception. I really struggle from 12 weeks onwards 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

100%, I don't think I could have gone to a wedding in the week after I gave birth, and I had a very straightforward labour with very minor tear.

That's not to say it won't be possible for you, but even an hour out of the house in those first few days were difficult for me.

Some things you may not have thought about (apols if you have!!):

If you're exclusively breastfeeding, it's likely you'll be cluster feeding days 2-4. For me, this meant feeding every 30 mins for 20 mins, day and night. 😵‍💫 It can be very stressful and the stress can affect your supply. I basically didn't sleep for three days and then had a breakdown. (I...really wish I'd prepared better.) If you plan to combi/formula feed for the day then things get even more complicated.

You'll have pp bleeding, possibly stitches. My stitches didn't hurt at all but did get infected so I had extra appointments in that first week that I couldn't have prepared for.

Pain-wise, everything ached a bit but I could have managed some walking and sitting at a wedding. You can take ibuprofen while breastfeeding! 😊 Standing a lot for photos would have been tough though - so I'd pick the ones you really want to be in or ask if they can incorporate a chair.

Sitting through a service would have been prime conditions for me to fall asleep. You have to watch your caffeine intake when breastfeeding, too! So be frugal with your coffee.

Midwives visit every few days for the first couple of weeks. Where I live they don't give a time, they just drop in. So I'd double-check what this is like in your area.

Hormone-wise, everything hits you on day 3 or 4. It hit me like a tonne of bricks and I couldn't function at all. I was a sleep-deprived, sweaty and emotional mess.

Speaking of which - I had terrible pp sweats. There's a school of thought that strong perfumes/deodorants/soap affect baby's ability to latch effectively - which could be bollocks but worth bearing in mind. Try to wear something in a very breathable fabric if you can arrange it with the bride!

Hope you have a good birth and fingers crossed you make it to your friend's wedding. Everyone's experiences are different but the things I've mentioned are all things I really wish I'd known before!

Physically I could have gone. I wouldn’t have left my newborn with someone else to go to a wedding for all the tea in china.

First ds no way I could do it. He fed constantly and was on me constantly, my breasts leaked and I bled very heavily. No way I could have dressed up and felt ok enough for a wedding. Second ds absolutely could, easy birth, easy baby and felt really well. Do not underestimate how tired you will be especially if you have a long birth, also do not underestimate the feelings of not wanting dc out of your sight.

I couldn't walk to the bins without wincing after the birth of my daughter.

Don't do it! You'll likely be bleeding randomly and need to wear an entire nappy not to leak (you might still leak) and your baby will need to be feeding almost constantly. You will be more focused on whether you can manage a poo. Your friend will also probably be annoyed if you turn up and end up collapsing and causing a whole scene. Stay at home. Send a video message.

I wouldn’t have gone to a wedding so close to just giving birth, even if I’d of give birth a week before the wedding honestly I still wouldn’t go. It’s an exhausting time plus the physical effects of it. Everyone is different though so see how you feel but I’d also prepare yourself you might miss it

How are you planning on supporting your friend? She will surely have others that can do that. I had c-sections, so could only shuffle around at that point, certainly not sit nicely for the ceremony. You will probably be engorged with milk and bleeding from the afterbirth. I would have thought you would be more of a hindrance than a help. I was invited to a wedding 2 weeks after ds2 was born and it could no more have made it than go to the moon. Be kind to your body and put yourself first on this one.

I think you need to consider that the possibility of not being able to go is quite high.

Two days after the due date for a first baby, it wouldn’t be at all surprising if you were in early labour, or giving birth, or still in hospital.

If you give birth on or just before your due date, then in that situation, I couldn’t have gone. I was exhausted, bleeding, in pain, walking quite gingerly, not able to stand up for long periods (I had an PPH that left me quite weak) and just wanted to lie down tbh.

And if you do feel able to go, it really depends on your baby as to whether it’s feasible. My first fed constantly at first. My second was a bit more reasonable (although her sleep was worse so even though I’d have been able to take bigger breaks for breastfeeding, I was more exhausted).

The most likely scenario is that you won’t have had the baby yet.

In the event you have… as others have said, don’t underestimate how terrible you may feel. You may be recovering from a c-section or forceps, a tear… plus the usual on bleeding, feeding etc.

And you won’t be wanting to hand over your newborn for any length of time!

On day 2 of having given birth, it took me over 5 hours to get up and get dressed to be decent enough to leave the house, because the baby constantly needed me for feeding and holding. No way would I have been wedding ready, in time.

Thanks so much everyone for all your comments.

It's given me a lot to think about. The wedding isn't until January so I'm going to sit my friend down in the next couple weeks and explain this all to her. With heavy emphasis that if I've had the baby the chances are I won't be able to go the wedding but we won't know until very close to the day.

I attended a friend’s wedding when my DD was 5 days old - straightforward delivery, and I was still an absolute wreck! My milk didn’t come in until day 5 so I’d had four days of constant feeding and zero sleep, and by the time day 5 arrived I was leaking from every part of my body, sweating the make up off my face, walking like an old lady, still with a giant bump 😅 The wedding was half an hour away, so we drove there, attempted to feed in the car, sat at the back of the ceremony crying silently, and then limped back home again.

I’m still glad I saw my friend get married but Jesus what was I thinking 😅

You might be ok
You might not - you might have had a c section.
Or either way you'll be bleeding heavily.
My legs were swollen for two weeks after both of mine, so I had to wear my husband's trainers!
My second baby would not be off the boob at all , except when asleep, for the first few days.
I think the best case scenario is that you're extremely pregnant and attending !

For the first two weeks my daughter had to be stripped down to a nappy to feed and I was just in a bra to get her to feed and she was too sleepy to wake for feeds. Sat at home in a t shirt this was easily manageable....in a dress at a wedding probably less so!

I was kept in for 3 days after birth as were 6 of the 7 women in my NCT group for 6 different reasons. One was readmitted in the week after birth with an infection another required an ambulance call out a few days post birth due to a c section complication. A friend was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks post birth due to high blood pressure.

There are a lot of moving parts and really there's a good chance that it will only be the day of the wedding when you can make the call about whether or not it's a good idea.

I’d forgotten about my feet - after swelling slightly in pregnancy they ballooned afterwards, I had to wrestle them into the worst trainer/shoe things to get to that wedding 😅

Whether baby is here or not, you won’t be going! Trust me…

And babes in arms do not fall under the ‘child free’ rule.