Returning to work after baby?

[star6]

Has anyone returned to work within 3 months after baby was born? I've been getting some very snooty replies when asked when I will return to work and I tell people... or maybe I'm just oversensitive...
before you judge me, too.. let me explain.
I'm only 20 weeks, but I already know that our maternity leave policy is really awful and after 6 weeks, I will need to return... I think I'll take 8 weeks total and return just a week prior to the winter holiday (then have 2 weeks off and I can be with baby, getting paid my regular salary). Our family is overseas, but I have a very close friend who has her own kids and will care for our baby while I'm at work and both my husband and I are teachers - so get home at a reasonable hour and have lots of holidays... still feel awful though, like everyone thinks I'm the worst mother in the world before my baby is even born.... but if I COULD stay home, I WOULD.

[hugs]stop feeling bad -your baby your life. my mum went back after 3 months as did my boss -its not unknown. my mum was a teacher too and hoenstly dont think it did me and my sis any harm.

only thing my boss said is that she had to think about practical side of thinsg more (she was still b/f so had to find somewhere at work to do it/store milk) . if xenia is around i am pretty sure she was back working within weeks so probablyhas some good tips.

I have a friend who had to return 12 weeks after baby was born for reasons similar to yourself and it was hard for her (thouygh baby didn't mind, lol!) but worked out very well long term. he's now a lovely, well-adjusted 13 yr old. I certainly don't judge you!

My sister did.
It was probably a little early for her (she had a few quite major wobbles and returned to a very high pressure job) but she wanted to get back on with work and that is her prerogative. She knew her baby was well taken care of and that was key - it sounds like you have got that sorted which should really help.

The one thing I should say, though, is that you might end up taking a bit more leave than you plan. I started leave when I was 38 weeks pregnant (took 2 weeks' holiday before then), but the baby was not born until nearly 42 weeks and we were in hospital for a week. I would have needed a bit longer than 6 weeks to recover from the birth. I'm not saying that you will need longer, but just bear in mind that you may need to be a bit flexible.

Good luck with it all.

I went back after 4.5 months, but am in the UK and could have had longer - so lots of people were very snotty about it.

Xenia went back after 2 weeks IIRC, and hopefully will be along to give some support.

The thing is, that its your family life, and everyone else has no right to comment, or to make you feel bad about doing what you have to do.

My son is now 2, and a super sociable, bright, chatty little boy, who is amazingly confident. I'm happy with my decision to work full time from that point.

What?!!! teachers get better maternity deals than that surely?! , you will really not want too go back to work that soon! Are you talking about full time bacause what on earth would be the point of having a baby if you are not going to see them?! Plus the first 3 months is when you and baby will be bonding and to do this you need to be with your baby!!! And your baby really NEEDS you. Don't mean to lay the guilt on too thickly but this is something really important, I didn't even start surfacing back into the real world untill my daughter was 6 weeks I returned to work when she was 7 months and still feel now in hindsight that was too soon. You don't get the time again and believe me it goes very quickly. Look again at the maternity leave because I am sure it can't be that bad - if it is then that is outrageous! XxX

Good Point scaryhairy... I have never had a baby so I have no idea what it's going to be like later on
Thanks nickytwotimes and poppy34!! I think part of the problem is that none of the people who ask me have ever had children.

I went back after 3 months with first child (fincial reasons) and will be perfectly honest, i do feel that i missed out to some extent (have made up for it since though). I made sure that with DS2 there was enough put by to have 6 months (planning the same with DC3). Would have loved to have more but can't afford to. Also on 6 weeks mat pay (oh the joys). All i can say is enjoy the time you have, don't beat yourself up over it, and certainly don't let others guilt trip you.

girliefriend - I don't work at a British School... so yes, it is that bad. We can take longer off, but I would get the minimum payment of £112 per week after the 6 weeks, which we just can't live on (I make a higher salary than my husband). Im due in October and we can certainly manage with mortgage payments...etc. until the winter holiday... I might go back to work the DAY before the winter holiday, which is 2 1/2 weeks long so that I can earn my regular salary over the holiday... no point missing that. I agree, it's going to be VERY difficult to leave the baby... but I trust my friend who is taking care of the baby 110% and think she's the best mom in the whole world.

As far as the "what's the point in having a baby, then?" comment - we both want a baby - but we didn't PLAN to have a baby until next year when things would be more settled/sorted... but we're very excited about it!!

girliefriend, it's worth bearing in mind many of us work f-t because we have to, not because we want to / shouldn't have children as a result. My dh is chronically ill and so can't work. My choices are: don't have a child (bit late for that!) or work full-time.

I went back when ds was five months and it was, and is, incredibly difficult. I hope I'm not the worst mother in the world, I just try to do the best I can.

Girliefriend, I don't think your post is terribly helpful. You may not have chosen to go back to work until your baby was 7 months old but other women will feel ready sooner, and other parents have to work to support their family. Babies need love and care; they do not have to get that from their birth mother 24/7 in order to thrive. It can be hard enough being a working parent without having to tolerate those kinds of judgments.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but the OP explained her circumstances. She is looking for practical tips, not a guilt trip.

i feel very very sorry for you.

with ds1 i went back wneh he was 10mths and was desperate to get back then

with dd2 she was not quite 6 months and going back broke my heart. i was not ready. i hated being at work. like you i'm a teacher.

having said that it's amazing what you can cope with when you need to. a very good (teaching) frined of mine had to go back after baby was 5 weeks, and everything was just fine. She knew it was what she had to do so she just got on with it. She worked short days in school and did prep in the evenings when baby asleep. and then there was of course the long holidays....

huge hugs

thanks scaryhairy and ja9. I thought about that as well ja9 - doing planning in the evenings. I'm "practicing" going home straight after school now and getting work done at home (I used to stay quite late). Luckily my husband teaches for a british school, so his holidays will not all match mine... so baby will get to be home quite a bit more than if we were on same holiday schedule
Also, I plan to breastfeed and pump, so I've been scoping out possible locations to pump during the school day at work as well.

If it makes you feel better, I'm probably worse in a lot of people's opinion! I went back to work in a touring job when ds was 5 months old. Needs must, don't feel guilty.

star6, really feel for you in these circumstances and angry too that govts don't provide proper maternity leave so mothers can stay home with their babies for at least a year (should they want to, of course! I was desperate to get back to work with ds1 at 5 months...). Can you add any other paid hols to your maternity leave, this is certainly quite common in the UK if you have any hols outstanding and/or you accumulate whilst on maternity leave. Would it be possible to 'stagger' your return or would that not work with teaching? A lot of women find it a lot easier (for them & babies!) going in 3 days, then 4, then 5 or whatever so everybody gets used to new arrangements. Appreciate that might not be financially possible for you.
I would worry less if possible about what other people think and more about how you're going to cope with leaving your baby at 3 months. I don't know how you feel about debt, but we went into debt so I could stay off longer with ds2 last year, knowing that we could clear it once I was back at work. Again, may not be an option for you, I appreciate that.

It's great that you have a friend lined up who you trust, and that you have teacher's hours & holidays - those are real positives. Don't let snooty people upset you, they're just being judgemental as I think girliefriend is being. Your baby, your decision and it doesn't seem as though you have much choice in the end anyway. I'm sure you'll get through it!

thanks accessorizequeen!!!
I can't stagger hols or anything like that because I'm a teacher... we get so many holidays as it is... and it doesn't work that way in teaching because I can't teach while kiddos are on holiday
Thanks for suggestions!!!! I really appreciate it!

star6 - I didn't go back to work for a year but had a really difficult time with pnd and the circumstances we were in so my mum looked after dd for at least half of the first 6 months overall. My point is, you will bond with your baby whether or not you are there with him/her 24 hours a day. I think there is too much pressure on everyone to do everything exactly by the book when it comes to having babies and bringing up children so ignore all the judgemental people and just do what you and your family need to do. You sound really thoughtful and nice so good luck to you xx

wow star6! bf!! man, pumping for that many feeds from that age will really take it out of you . make sure you invest in the absolutely best electric pump you can source.

When I had DD1 I had to go back when she was 14 weeks (full time and shift work, with a DH away in the military.)

It was bloody hard. You need to know that it will be really hard. If your baby is 2 weeks late you could be going back when your baby is only 6 weeks old which is tough. Your body will still be recovering (especially if you have a Caesarean) and breastfeeding will possibly only just be settling down (if you choose to breastfeed).

When it boils down to it you have to do what is right for your family which is no-one's business but yours.

ja9 or anyone else... any idea what the best electric pump is?

Pumping breaks are great as an excuse to sit on your own and chill ! I pumped 3 times a day , but was away from DS from 8 till 5.45, so you would prob get away with morning break and lunch break.

I had an Ameda Lactaline which is a double, and imo, excellent. You'll need a double pump - check out ebay.

i used the medela (basic electric model; not 'swing'). it was fine. not miraculous though.

(if i were you i think i would try mixed feeding - bf when you are with dc and when you are not, give formula... not wanting to force views on you, but keep this at the back of your mind as a possible option)

meant to say - I expressed at work for nearly a year. DS was exclusively bf till 6 months, and gave up two weeks before his second birthday.

ja9 - I had that thought as well... but got enough remarks about just returning to work... can you IMAGINE what people would say about giving the baby formula at just 3 months old?? I know it doesn't matter what others think/say, but it's still difficult. I'm sure I'll feel differently when the baby is here!! seems like forever from now!

Very common in the US where maternity leave is pretty much non existant. I am in the UK but I went back when DD was 4 months old, in hindsight (nearly 8 years later) wished I hadn't - had 6 months after DD2 and didn't go back after DD3 - but at the time coped OK and I was doing 12 hour days and international travel. You will feel worse than the baby - as long is baby is fed, warm and getting lots of cuddles - it will be fine and won't remember at all that you weren't around.

star6 hi i just wanted to tell you of my experience just incase it helps you. I went back to work when my little one was just over 3 months. I am self employed so i olny recieved SMP of £110 a month.
Things i didnt like:
*leaving little one

• having to give up breastfeeding as i couldnt express *worrying all day that she was ok
• feeling that i was failing as a mother because i wasnt there for her
• I felt like i was 'dumping' her on someone elce to lok after

However ... i needed to provide a good environment for my daughter i wanted to give her a good role model, i needed to work to enable myself to provide for her without going back to work i would have lost my house and would have ended up on state benifit that is not how i wanted to live my life. My daughter has a fantastic life with me. With regard to why bother having kids if your not going to be with them... well is there ever a right time there will always be something in the way...and she gets the absolute best of me when im with her and she gets 100% of my attention. When i come in from work she smiles and laughs and giggles and to be honest i dont feel that i have any lesser of a relationship with her that if i was at home. star to be honest sweetie you will feel guilt if you do work and guilt if you dont take conselation in the fact that you are providing a good environment for you daughter. she will never NEVER forget who her mummy is they are too special! the fact that your worrying about it already leads me to think you will be a fantastic mummy. My only regret is that i couldnt continue breast feeding. anyway i hope this helps you good luck keep us posted on how you get on. i hope this isnt too much of a ramble!