Returning to work after baby?

[star6]

Has anyone returned to work within 3 months after baby was born? I've been getting some very snooty replies when asked when I will return to work and I tell people... or maybe I'm just oversensitive...
before you judge me, too.. let me explain.
I'm only 20 weeks, but I already know that our maternity leave policy is really awful and after 6 weeks, I will need to return... I think I'll take 8 weeks total and return just a week prior to the winter holiday (then have 2 weeks off and I can be with baby, getting paid my regular salary). Our family is overseas, but I have a very close friend who has her own kids and will care for our baby while I'm at work and both my husband and I are teachers - so get home at a reasonable hour and have lots of holidays... still feel awful though, like everyone thinks I'm the worst mother in the world before my baby is even born.... but if I COULD stay home, I WOULD.

This is very hard for you and the last thing you need is guilt trips from others- what happened to the sisterhood?!
You will be providing for your baby by working and he/she will be in a secure loving environment with a friend you know and trust. Have faith in yourself and don't let negative comments get you down. Think of women in other cultures who have little part in their children's upbringing at all!

On a related note (and please excuse the hi-jack of this thread) I found a solution by becoming an Usborne organiser (children's books) it's brill as I don't need any childcare, it's easy and I get to spend all day chatting to other mums. I know there are lots of opportunities like this out there but if you want further info about Usborne please let me know.
Best wishes and have a happy and healthy pregancy and delivery!

Its bee said already on this thread that people will (unfortunstely) critisise what ever you do so just go for it.

I'm going back next week. DD is 9 months old, I exclusively breastfed and only going bakc part time. Some have said "why are you not going back full time" others have asked how I can go back at all.

You know there are tribes [in Africa???) that have a nursery syte=m like we do. Parents go out and hunt, craft etc while kids stay with speicalist child carers in a nursery clearing. The nurses wet-nurse and look after kids up to 12 hours a day 6 or 7 days a week. But do you know what studies have found? These babies STILL have a better relationship woith thier own parents than with their carers.

You will be the same.

Star 6 I can only imagine what you are going through with all these thoughts right now. I'm a first time mom, and baby is 7 months old. At the end of the day you have to make the decisions which are best for your family. Be strong and good luck.

For some reason when you get pg/have a baby ppl feel normal boundaries no longer apply - strangers touch your 'bump', give 'advice', ask personal questions about your private life etc! Just think of their self-righteousness (sp?) as their own insecurities about their lives! Even if it doesn't feel like it and you don't feel confident you are the best judge of what is best for your baby/family.

Having said that, here is my two cents worth...

BF can be much harder than you are lead to believe. If it is important to you (and it sounds like it is), look now at where you can get support (nct, local gps etc).

There is conflicting advice but I would start expressing asap after the birth (in the morning whilst feeding on the other side is easiest at first) and try to introduce bottle from a week or two. Maybe get dh to give last feed so you can go to bed and try and freeze some for later (growth spurts!).

Babies can suddenly refuse bottle so I would make sure you/dh gives at least one feed from a bottle every day...until you want to stop bf!

Look on the bright side nb babies don't 'do' much. Hopefully, by the time your baby is learning new things everyday you will be on summer holiday and ppl who were judgemental to you will be going back to work so you will get a chance to look smug!

HTH

Hi there,
I run my own business and went back part time from 12 weeks and ramped up to 4 days by the time dd was 5 months old. And you know, I don't regret it for a second. My dd is a very busy, sociable, bright and loving child. The stimulation she gets from nursery and grandma (who has her one day a week) works wonderfully and dd and I are incredibly close (she's now 15 mths and won't stop kissing me!!)

Guilt is a word you'll see crop up all the time on these forums and hope all the other mums out there will agree that's it is the most useless and destructive emotion. More importanyly, it's rarely justified and certainly not in your position. You care! That's what counts, You're creating the best family that works for your situation and you should be proud of that.

well said ljhooray.............I went back full time when DD was 9 weeks and 6 days old and DS 18 weeks.

Yes it was hard but they are beautiful, happy well adjusted children ( now 9 and 7 ). My MIL was horrible to me about it at the time and refused to help or have much to do with us..........they live 3 miles away. On the otherhand my sil who doesnt work but still lounges around having little to do with her children because they ahave 2 FT staff is a model mother!!

Poppy cock.......her children have speech delay and a lack of even basic skills such as sitting at the table for meals.

Its not about whether your are at work or not. Get your childcare right and input into home and children outside of work and all will be well.

Good luck

Star I was also a teacher before I had DD. I went back after having her but gave up when she was 9mo for various reasons. She was 4 and a bit months old when I went back to work as we needed the money - unfortunately maternity pay in maintained schools is almost as bad. You only get 4wks full pay, 2 weeks 90% pay and 12 weeks half pay. After that its just SMP. Totally sympathise on that side of things, it is so hard.

On the practical side of things though, I'm not sure how much work you bring home but the hardest part for me was getting my marking and planning done as where I used to stay at work until 5/6pm before I had DD, I wanted to get home to see her before she went to bed so was leaving work at 4pm and then trying to fit 2 hours work in during the evening. I was working late at night - usually 8pm to 10pm - when I would usually have been spending time with DH which didn't help our relationship. Plus I was knackered and still getting up for night feeds. It might be worth giving some thought to how you are going to schedule your day to make it easier on yourself - in the end I started leaving for work at 6am and working for a couple of hours before school started and if I was struggling to keep up with marking then DH would have DD on a Sunday afternoon so I could have some time for housework and school work. Once we'd got ourselves organised it was all OK.

I would also make back-up plans on childcare just in case. Make sure you have talked through all the little details with your friend - like holidays and special occasions for instance and what will happen if she is ill or has an appointment.. she would need to be prepared to only take her holidays in school holidays and you will need a back up plan in case she is ill/her kids are ill/she needs time off for other reasons. My school were always sympathetic on the odd occasion I couldn't get childcare and gave me parental leave. I would also talk to her about her general philosophy on raising babies and make sure you are on the same page.

I went back to work after 4 months the first time and after 6 months the second time. I work part time 3 full days a week and think that is an ideal mix (on a good day). On a bad day I seem to do both roles badly.... I breast fed exclusively until returning to work and then mixed it - bottles during the day and breast at night - it worked fine and the baby slept in with me so although I had to wake and feed each night several times it was minimal disturbance. I found leaving DS1 when he was 4 months hard at first and couldn't have gone back earlier but now my sons are 1 and 3 to be honest work is my sanity and I feel (rather guiltily) that I would go bonkers if I was a stay at home mum. I just am not very good at being alone with toddlers for hours on end. I do feel however that if I had stayed off work for longer than 6 months that it would have got harder and harder to go back at all..

If your friend is very close to the school, would it be possible to pop out at lunchtime (if not on duty) to fit in an extra breastfeed? That might help keep your supply up.

Star. I was only on statuatory mat pay after 6 weeks, but what I did so I could take the 6 months off was to take out a loan over 3 years. We borrowed £5k, spent £3k on a car (which we needed at the time) and then I used the £2k to 'pay' myself a salary for the 4.5 months where I was on Statuatory pay. I 'paid' myself £500 per month which on top of the £112 per week maternity pay was enough to cover my normal share of the mortage, bills, and the loan repayments of £150 per month. If you don't need to borrow £5k and only borrow £2k you wouldn't be repaying anywhere near that much or could repay it quicker. I am so glad I did it! I have just finished paying the loan. I just looked on it as an investment in DD! If I get pregnant again, i will not hesitate to do the same.

Hi

I am a teacher too and understand completely where you are coming from. I would say don't make any decisions about what you are going to do yet. I was going to return earlier but as soon as I had my son it gave me sleepless nights thinking about leaving him. I ended up going back 3 days a week when he was 4 months old - it was fine and meant that we just managed. You get 6 weeks full pay, 10 weeks half pay and then it goes to rubbish I think. You don;t have to say anything to anyone about when you are going to return.

I went back to work when my dd was 2 weeks old purely through choice because of continuous career goals (and she was planned) . I honestly believe my dd has benefited from this as she has absolutely loved the company of other children (and she is my first so no company at home) from a vry early age. I have a flexible job so I'm lucky but I work full-time - some of which is when she is sleeping! By the way I had a really bad birth.....I mean the worst imaginable with every intervention under the sun, blood transfusion and placenta taken out in theatre but I was back checking my emails 5 days later and back at work about 10 days after birth. I had serious complications but to be honest getting back into my normal routine helped a lot. My baby is now 9 months old by the way and she is just brillant! I am lucky that I can adjust my hours flexibly - she is such a joy to be with. Even if you go through a bad birth doesn't mean you won't cope early on - its all down to your attitude, so many people will tell you that you don't know what it is like having a baby when you are pregnant, but it has turned out exactly like I thought - very enjoyable and manageable with work!

Hello, I am sorry you are facing this dilema, i am probably being very ignorant, but are teachers on a very poor wage?, as some of the mat pay packages that are being talked about are quite similar to what i am getting, and seems to be norm. I just wondered if your basic wage is very low, as the tv adverts try to promote decent salaries.

I am very sorry and wouldnt want to offend anyone, just probably ignorant to what salary a teacher is on!!!

Like i said i am very sorry you are facing this dilema, and hope you are able to make the right decision for you.

Hi excitedfornumber2.... I am in the UK, however I do not teach for a british school. Nothing about my benefits, salary or package is the same as those who are in this system. That's why.
No worries - Not ignorant, not offensive... I can see where you're coming from. And I wouldn't say my wage is low, but without it, life would certainly be very difficult and I need to help in providing for my family.
2 working parent families are not so uncommon these days. I'm originally from the US, where it seems to be much more common that both parents work.

Oh and also - the tv adverts advertize salaries for inner london teachers. dh just made career change to teaching and teaches outside of london and makes nowhere near what they are promoting.

Thanks for the reply, glad i didnt offend. i really do hope that you manage to come to a decision that you are happy with, and without feeling guilty, i am sure you will be a fantastic mum, you are showing you already are by worrying about things now.

I took a year out with DS1, financially it was tight, i had six months without pay, but I was really grateful that I was able to do this and it was worth having everything second hand, and nothing new!

Hi Star
Good luck with your decision - I'm sure you'll do the best thing for you and your baby.
I went back to teaching when dd was 5 months, so had a bit more time. Just a coiuple of things to add to think about; I went back in the autumn / winter, and cos had been away from school for a while I found I was absolutely slain by bugs - had virus after virus from the kids! So stock up on vitamins etc and don't be afraid to take sick days if you need to once back!
Also as many have said do wait and see / make cont plans for the early weeks - you may recover really quickly, but I was just getting things together at 4 weeks post birth and then ended up seriously ill in hospital - took weeks after that to recover. You will hopefully be fine, but you can't predict 100%.
IMHO it's almost harder to be at work when they're much older, more active, doing more etc.

Can I just chip in that I went back to work FT when DS was 3.5mths old - completely trusted my childminder and DS loves his days with her. You are lucky to have so much holiday with your baby - do not worry, your baby will be fine and you just have to make the time you do have quality time ie focussed on the baby, not faffing about doing housework - that can be done when he/she is sleeping. I do not beleive for a second that going back so soon has any affect on your bonding or relationship with your baby, so long as you make the time you do have count. I also agree that it is easier to go back quickly because nothing at your job will have changed and you won't have forgotton how to do everything.