45 and unexpectedly pregnant - GP less than helpful, am I harsh?

[StandFirm]

Bit of a shock this morning! We truly thought this was not on the cards and we had been very careful (well, obviously not enough). I can't take hormonal contraception and frankly pregnancies are always complicated for me. DH is older than me as well making this whole thing is even more of a surprise. Irony was that I had an appointment booked to discuss sterilisation as my cycles were always extremely reliable up until now but I've been worried about perimenopause making that method unreliable. Nature got me first.
Beyond the practicalities - I work for myself so on the one hand I have autonomy, on the other it's brutal chasing up clients at the best of times - I am really concerned about the health risks to the baby of course but also to my own health. We still have a young child (elder two are adults, one of whom is self-sufficient) so I have that to consider. I don't want to be reckless with my health and so I went to the GP to get the facts. All I got was 'it's your choice'. Not what I was asking! I need to know the likelihood of miscarrying (again, I did once after our third, and I was younger) and the full facts on the implications on my own health. Again, all I got was: things can go well, no one can tell anything and no one will tell you to terminate because you're 45. That was not my question. I'm clear it's my choice, but I thought his job was to give me the medical facts. Is there a reason why he would have been so unhelpful? I got out of the appointment absolutely none the wiser and just as anxious as before. I've self-referred to my local maternity but are GPs not qualified to give pregnancy facts? He didn't even test to make sure it was correct.

Your risk of MC is over 50% and of Downs, 1 in 30. I don’t know what else you could expect from the GP if I’m honest!

Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope you’re okay.

It's really annoying how many people treat the GP as a Google service. You could find this out for yourself and someone else is sitting with untreated pain so you could have a chat!

Agree with the first poster TBH, although to a degree it will depend on your history, they can't really tell you anything other than odds. You can google or ask ChatGPT for that!

Good luck whatever you decide. (And age of husband is largely irrelevant to fertility!)

I think you've perhaps got unrealistic expectations of your GP. The clue is in the name - they are generalists, not specialists. I think you'll need to engage with maternity services to get the specific advice that you're looking for. Your GP should have signposted or referred you though.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer This will give you your odds of miscarriage - if you input your age and history of miscarriage/live births, it is more accurate.

I agree with this.

GP won’t have the information in their heads so they would need to google it too.

You also need to consider the increased risk of autism, it increases with paternal and maternal age. Could you cope with the extra energy a disabled child needs?

I got pregnant at 45 also. Lasted about a week…!

What exactly were you wanting the gp to tell you? We know there’s a higher risk of certain things when we are a bit older. They can’t possibly tell you how your health is going to be. No doctor is going to say your in your 40s so terminate. Plenty of women in their 40s have healthy pregnancies and babies so like the doctor said it’s your choice

I had ds at 45., The facts came gradually. My care was consultant led because of my age. At 14 weeks I was told my risk of Downs was 1:25. I had an amnio and ds was fine.

I was told my risk of miscarriage was higher than normal but I already guessed that. But I felt fine, no nausea, no pain, no spotting etc A bit tired but nothing else.

I just took it a day at a time. In the end it is all you can do.

No one can tell you exactly what will happen with this pregnancy, even the specialists, who can probably go into a bit more detail, can only use statistics .

How old is your DH?

If you could guarantee the health of your baby and yourself do you still both want this baby?

Delve into the statistical facts as they relate to you after you can answer this question. However, statistics are just numbers.

You were looking to understand risk levels to make a more informed choice and he either didn’t know but didn’t admit that or direct you to where you could find that info/wouldn’t say/misunderstood and behaved like you were asking him to make the decision?

Do you have concerns about any existing health issues you have and impact of pregnancy? If it’s more generic, you might be better looking online to help you, but it’s wrong you have to do this. I found all through my pregnancies that different professionals would tell me different things, almost it seemed based on their personal biases. It was very unsettling.

Your situation is a difficult one, but all the risk statistics are on line and easily found. Doctors can't really sway you one way or the other. It's a personal decision. but the Doctor could have advised counselling.

I think what the GP said was remarkably kind and rational, with a holistic approach. Bearing in mind some I have come across..

I had a late pregnancy and spent hours googling. At the beginning the chance of miscarriage was around 50%. I was lucky though and all went ok.

I don't think the GP was the right place for those questions. They're unlikely to know all the stats off the top of their head so they'd just be googling it, which you could do at home.

I know a few women in their 40s who have had babies, one of them being 45. It's just like any other pregnancy really. It depends on how your body copes with pregnancy. Get the NIPT at 10 weeks. Sounds like you want someone to tell you not to continue?

Yes, that's it. I wanted to know if I was right to be concerned. I think this is not straightforward and I like to make fact-based decisions. The other three were not even a question for me. This time, I am questioning going ahead but in order to make a decision, I need to know the facts - even if every case is different. How am I supposed to weigh up my options without the facts? How is that different from any other medical decisions?

And to the PPs who said I'd be better off asking Chat GPT - well, I did just that and frankly it did nothing to reassure me. I thought GPs hated Dr Google...

Do you and your DH want this baby if health is guaranteed? Yes or no?

If yes seek specialist consultation to assess the facts and then make an informed decision. GP is not a specialist and you are unique not a statistic. This is what the GP was trying to communicate. The decision to keep the baby is one you and your DH should make together. The decision to continue with a pregnancy is a decision you make when all the facts become available in relation to your individual care.

How old is your DH?

Why did you go to the GP for reassurance?? Go to a pal for reassurance. GPs will tell you "the odds are not in your favour but looks after yourself and see what happens".

Sorry, why did you go to the GP? That’s really not what they are for.

At your age, you’re not going to get reassurance. The stats are high that you will have a problem. But you also very well may not. No one can guess, all they (and the internet) can do is give you to stats. Which won’t be reassuring. You have to make a choice by being realistic. Or wait until you are further along and can have tests done. No one can tell you anything nor can anyone reassure you.

I just wanted some facts from a medical professional who has access to my personal medical records. Specialist consultants cost £££ unless you get referred, which is when there is already a problem. I need to make a decision in the next week or so based on the likelihood of having a healthy baby and of remaining healthy myself so that I can look after it. I genuinely thought it was a reasonable query to make of a GP, especially considering how helpful my GPs were during my other pregnancies.

What specifically do you want to know?