45 and unexpectedly pregnant - GP less than helpful, am I harsh?

[StandFirm]

Bit of a shock this morning! We truly thought this was not on the cards and we had been very careful (well, obviously not enough). I can't take hormonal contraception and frankly pregnancies are always complicated for me. DH is older than me as well making this whole thing is even more of a surprise. Irony was that I had an appointment booked to discuss sterilisation as my cycles were always extremely reliable up until now but I've been worried about perimenopause making that method unreliable. Nature got me first.
Beyond the practicalities - I work for myself so on the one hand I have autonomy, on the other it's brutal chasing up clients at the best of times - I am really concerned about the health risks to the baby of course but also to my own health. We still have a young child (elder two are adults, one of whom is self-sufficient) so I have that to consider. I don't want to be reckless with my health and so I went to the GP to get the facts. All I got was 'it's your choice'. Not what I was asking! I need to know the likelihood of miscarrying (again, I did once after our third, and I was younger) and the full facts on the implications on my own health. Again, all I got was: things can go well, no one can tell anything and no one will tell you to terminate because you're 45. That was not my question. I'm clear it's my choice, but I thought his job was to give me the medical facts. Is there a reason why he would have been so unhelpful? I got out of the appointment absolutely none the wiser and just as anxious as before. I've self-referred to my local maternity but are GPs not qualified to give pregnancy facts? He didn't even test to make sure it was correct.

I've already arranged all of that following my consultation. Obviously no one can see me today so it's going to feel like a long two weeks, in which I guess a lot can happen.

How would he feel about a teenager when he's 70? I think you have to consider what the next 20+ years could look like as well as the pregnancy.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

How far along do you think you are OP?

but I thought his job was to give me the medical facts. Is there a reason why he would have been so unhelpful? I got out of the appointment absolutely none the wiser and just as anxious as before

Because he is a GP. Essentially, a jack of all trades, master of none specialty, including obstetrics. The questions you were asking would be best placed with an obstetrics specialist.

Tommy’s is a really good place to get support and information, they have a helpline you could try: https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/help-and-support

My GP surgery didn’t even want to know about the things in early pregnancy that were explicitly their responsibility (e.g. prescriptions for medications after I was discharged by the IVF clinic but before I saw the obstetrician). I got the impression they didn’t see it as being part of their role and the staff felt anything pregnancy related should be done by midwives or secondary care.

I think the problem is that you were asking your GP unanswerable questions without a crystal ball. You have an increased risk of miscarriage but nobody can say whether you will or not. I miscarried 3 times but pregnancy #4 carried to term.

So nobody can say with certainty what will happen - only you can decide.

We have absolutely got that in mind. He would not be able to retire for a long time. All of those constraints are crystal clear.

The first question is- do you want to keep the baby?

very early- only noticed because normally I'm like clockwork (to the minute precise)

I don't think you are unreasonable wanting to discuss it with GP and get as much information as possible.
Obviously GP is not a specialist but he could have signposted you or looked up some info themselves, I'm sure(hope) they have other data / information sources other than Google!
However all you will get is odds, like PP said her odds were 1 in 25 for Downs syndrome, they won't give you certainity.
It's a massive shock, take stock, breathe, do some research.
Good luck and do whichever is best for you, I truly don't know what I would do but there's a chance mother nature will decide anyway-although I have known 2 people have perfectly healthy babies at 45.
I just wanted to add congratulations in case you decide to proceed to add a bit of positivity!
It's a lot to process, be kind to yourself, do you have a trusted friend or relative you could talk to?

You would be better off referring yourself to a midwife and seeing if you can get answers that way

A midwife will be no better placed for OP’s questions than the GP. It’s Obstetrics that are best placed to answer these questions, that’s who OP needs to discuss this with.

GP's use Google all the time. I have literally been on the phone with my GP while he read from google at me.

I'm 45. I would not go forward with a pregnancy now. I feel too old (I am pretty fit / healthy).
I would worry about the negative impact on my existing children, the 10+ year age gap. I would worry about my career and I am looking forward to retiring in 10 - 15 years. Would feel odd being retired with a 10 - 15 year old.

It's not just the health implications it's the life style that would sway me...

Yes agree - this is a bit of a waste of a GP appointment.
Use google for statistics.
Decide what you’d like to do.
It doesn’t involve the GP.

Yes but OP is more likely to be able to access this through a midwife than a gp?

I don't think he was to blame for not giving you these stats. Stats around things like risk of miscarriage are complex (he could have looked up the risk by age but that wouldn't necessarily translate into your personal risk and could have therefore been unduly worrying or comforting). I know that you might still have found the stats helpful but he is not a mind-reader and for every patient who is able to hear these sort of stats without mis- or over-interpreting them, many more will find the stats confusing, worrying or otherwise unhelpful. (That goes for people who say they want the stats as well.)

Where he could have done better is in talking to you about options, such as early scans and genetic testing.

Use google for statistics
I'm not a trained medical professional though? I was looking to the GP to put those in context- they have training and experience I don't have.

Hope you and your husband are OK with your decision whatever that is
Take care OP

you can't expect your GP to tell you what the risks are beyond they are higher because of your age, which you already know. If you've had problematic pregnancies before chances are this will be more problematic.

What else can GP really say apart from it's your choice. He cant advise you either way.

I'm 50 and I couldn't think of anything worse than having a child just about to start school. And I was an older mother with my first (35)

That would be a pretty shit response from a GP. Advising ‘geriatric’ mother shouldn’t be be beyond the ability of a tolerably competent GP - who unlike Dr Google, has OP’s medical history

I must have been lucky because my GP was absolutely able to provide me with some hard facts when I had a planned pregnancy at 45. I felt it was a bit harsh at the time, but it did prepare me for a lot of the stress and worry. I'm baffled by the strident replies saying that the GP is the wrong person to speak to. Having said that, I did make sure that I saw a female GP who I knew had an interest in women's health.

Just saw that you are very early pregnancy (I’m guessing 4-6 weeks)? I would then suggest that there is a high chance of first trimester miscarriage at your age, so you may not need to make any decisions until you have passed 8 weeks.
Midwives will generally not allow you to book an appointment until around that mark anyways.

Exactly, I'm frigging ancient. (had to laugh at 'geriatric' which I know is the correct term)

reasonable response from GP
I think
they aren’t provided with crystal balls
risks / implications will become clearer as you navigate ahead

You have grown up children already.
You have most of your freedom back to do what you want.
Do you want to go back to them days think of the next 20 years its like signing it away again just as you have got it back.
Doing school runs in your 60s etc.
I wish you well with what ever you chose to do op and congratulations.
But tbvh i know what i would be doing.

May I ask you how things went for you? I know obviously every one is different...