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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

45 and unexpectedly pregnant - GP less than helpful, am I harsh?

338 replies

StandFirm · 23/07/2025 12:57

Bit of a shock this morning! We truly thought this was not on the cards and we had been very careful (well, obviously not enough). I can't take hormonal contraception and frankly pregnancies are always complicated for me. DH is older than me as well making this whole thing is even more of a surprise. Irony was that I had an appointment booked to discuss sterilisation as my cycles were always extremely reliable up until now but I've been worried about perimenopause making that method unreliable. Nature got me first.
Beyond the practicalities - I work for myself so on the one hand I have autonomy, on the other it's brutal chasing up clients at the best of times - I am really concerned about the health risks to the baby of course but also to my own health. We still have a young child (elder two are adults, one of whom is self-sufficient) so I have that to consider. I don't want to be reckless with my health and so I went to the GP to get the facts. All I got was 'it's your choice'. Not what I was asking! I need to know the likelihood of miscarrying (again, I did once after our third, and I was younger) and the full facts on the implications on my own health. Again, all I got was: things can go well, no one can tell anything and no one will tell you to terminate because you're 45. That was not my question. I'm clear it's my choice, but I thought his job was to give me the medical facts. Is there a reason why he would have been so unhelpful? I got out of the appointment absolutely none the wiser and just as anxious as before. I've self-referred to my local maternity but are GPs not qualified to give pregnancy facts? He didn't even test to make sure it was correct.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
seasidemum83 · 20/08/2025 22:35

Hope your doing ok OP
A heart breaking process no matter what
am thinking of you
hope your getting a chance to look after yourself
take care

StandFirm · 21/08/2025 11:15

seasidemum83 · 20/08/2025 22:35

Hope your doing ok OP
A heart breaking process no matter what
am thinking of you
hope your getting a chance to look after yourself
take care

Thank you!
Quick update: I had a check up and the miscarriage was confirmed. That's it. Bleeding and cramping have now both stopped but it's an empty feeling... I have to focus on my existing DCs, especially the (still) little one. Thanks to everyone who sent me good thoughts on this thread.

OP posts:
curliegirlie · 21/08/2025 12:45

So sorry again, but glad it’s not ectopic. It’s a horrible, sad feeling, even if you’ve made peace with not trying again. Take care xxx

TheGentleButFirmMadonna · 21/08/2025 13:07

What a sad update ....believing in miracles, I'm prayerfully waiting your updates xxxx

bluecurtains14 · 21/08/2025 18:23

TheGentleButFirmMadonna · 21/08/2025 13:07

What a sad update ....believing in miracles, I'm prayerfully waiting your updates xxxx

she has had a miscarriage - what miracle are you waiting for?

TheGentleButFirmMadonna · 21/08/2025 19:28

bluecurtains14 · 21/08/2025 18:23

she has had a miscarriage - what miracle are you waiting for?

It's easy to check out when I posted and she posted, so you could save yourself your stupid comment

bluecurtains14 · 21/08/2025 21:48

TheGentleButFirmMadonna · 21/08/2025 19:28

It's easy to check out when I posted and she posted, so you could save yourself your stupid comment

You posted at 1.07 today, well after her final update.

Applewisp · 21/12/2025 03:33

NHS drs are lazy and incompetent. Why am I not surprised they were unhelpful.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 22/12/2025 07:36

Gp's are useless with pregnancies. When I was first pregnant, at 30, I went to the GP as I didn't know what else to do and he asked me if I wanted to keep it... A massive buzz kill for an exited newly pregnant woman! With my next pregnancy I booked straight in with the midwife. They are a much better source of information and support.

bookworm14 · 22/12/2025 07:40

This is from August. Why have you bumped what will presumably be a very painful thread for the OP for no reason?

Meadowfinch · 22/12/2025 08:44

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 22/12/2025 07:36

Gp's are useless with pregnancies. When I was first pregnant, at 30, I went to the GP as I didn't know what else to do and he asked me if I wanted to keep it... A massive buzz kill for an exited newly pregnant woman! With my next pregnancy I booked straight in with the midwife. They are a much better source of information and support.

It varies, obviously.

I had the complete opposite. My midwife was an ill-informed drama queen, while my gp was calm, responsive and competent.

Dolamroth · 22/12/2025 10:28

bookworm14 · 22/12/2025 07:40

This is from August. Why have you bumped what will presumably be a very painful thread for the OP for no reason?

I've reported it

Lunde · 22/12/2025 10:50

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 22/12/2025 07:36

Gp's are useless with pregnancies. When I was first pregnant, at 30, I went to the GP as I didn't know what else to do and he asked me if I wanted to keep it... A massive buzz kill for an exited newly pregnant woman! With my next pregnancy I booked straight in with the midwife. They are a much better source of information and support.

Please read OP's posts before posting.

This recently bumped thread is months old and OP lost the baby.

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