Husband refuses to cut down drinking as we prepare to TTC – feeling frustrated

[MrsBLife]

We’re planning to start trying for our first baby in three months, and I’m starting to feel really frustrated about my husband’s attitude to alcohol.
He’s 40 and drinks around 2–3 times a week – nothing excessive, just a few pints each time. I don’t drink much at all, only occasionally at parties. Given we're preparing for TTC, I assumed he’d be willing to cut back too, just to be in the best possible shape.
He’s also put on a bit of weight recently, which I’ve gently mentioned. I thought cutting back on drinking might be a good first step for both of us. But he doesn’t seem to agree.
Last night we were out for dinner and he ordered a lager. I gently questioned whether he needed to drink, given we’ve talked about getting ready for a baby, and he just went ahead and ordered another. When I brought it up again, he said it made his evening with me more enjoyable. I found that really upsetting.
I’ve also come across multiple sources (NHS included) saying alcohol can affect sperm quality and fertility, so I think my concerns are valid.
I’m not trying to control him, but I thought we would both be making some changes to support this next step together, particularly given our ages (35 and 40).
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to cut back or at least take it more seriously?

This is madness. Leave the poor bloke alone. This is not problem drinking and you absolutely don’t need to cut down on drinking to TTC, it’s not that complicated for most people. Just have sex, end of.

If people have known fertility issues then fair enough to look at all areas where small changed might help. But FFS @MrsBLife you sound suffocating.

We conceived DD one very boozy December.

You are being controlling at the levels involved. Try to lighten up a bit whilst you have no indications that you will have a problem.

I fear you'll follow this attitude through the whole pregnancy and its not helpful to be strict and unwavering.

'Gently mentioning' his weight, 'gently mentioning' a couple of pints a week.. I'd gently tell you to fuck off, tbh.

YABU
two pints won’t make a difference especially if he relaxes

OP, you sound like a nightmare. I'd run for the hills if I were your husband.

I personally don’t think you’re being controlling at all and think what you are hoping for is totally reasonable. Given all you’ll have to give up when pregnant and afterwards, expecting him to make an effort at the one stage he has to do anything isn’t too much IMO!!

You absolutely are trying to control him, and are being very unreasonable to boot. ‘Gently mentioning’…lol. Wind your neck in if you don’t want him doing the exact opposite of your rules requests, or running for the hills, or both.

I was expecting you to say he was knocking back spirits every night of the week, not a couple of beers a couple of times a week.

I think YABU, but couldn’t find the vote facility.

Drinking is a red line for me and I’d never want to have a child with a partner who drinks regularly during the week, so if it bothers you too, you need to walk away now before you have any children together.

He's rebelling against you taking the role of alcohol police. I don't blame him really.

You’re being so ridiculous it’s not true. You haven’t even started TTC and the poor bastard isn’t allowed a few pints without being “gently questioned”.

What gives you the impression he can't stop drinking? He doesn't want to stop drinking and, based on the info in the OP, there is no particularly compelling reason why he should!

Another one post wonder from the OP.
Reported.
Wish this could be stopped.

This. His drinking is perfectly reasonable, well within guidelines.

F A S is when the woman drinks to excess limits throughout the pregnancy, nowt to do with man’s drinking

And he’s not a ‘functioning alcoholic’ he has a couple of pints

Please don’t.

When I brought it up again, he said it made his evening with me more enjoyable. I found that really upsetting.

Maybe you need to think about why spending an evening with you is so much more enjoyable with alcohol than without it. Here's a clue: being with a bossy control freak isn't actually all that much fun.