Do manners no longer apply when talking to pregnant women?

[lifebeginz]

Maybe I am being over sensitive but so far comments I have had are as follows:

After saying how ill I had been feeling with MS "Oh I was NEVER sick with ANY of my pregnancies"

The next time this was said was elaborated on with "I hardly put on ANY weight in my pregnancies"

And then most recently, after showing the scan photo "Oh you are going to get really big I can tell"

Am I being over sensitive or do folk just not think before they talk 😂 I am adding laughing emoji as i know none of it was said with malice but I knew I could rant about it here! Would love to hear comments you have had that made you a little 😮

Apart from the last bit about you getting really big, I can't see any kind of problem?

Women are allowed to talk about their own experience.

It has no reflection on you.

My MIL loved to tell me how slim she was during pregnancy and I used to have a nap in the afternoon when I was in my third trimester and wasn’t working and she said ‘imagine if you had to work then you’d be tired’!

Probably not, but when telling someone how unwell/sick miserable you have been it isn't really helpful to hear "I was NEVER sick" (4 times from same person) 😂As I say I know no malice was intended but I am getting tempted to just stop visiting this person 😂 (a joke I wouldn't actually do that)

Wait until you hit menopause - the Boomers really like to tell us how they sailed through...

Mine is the same... constantly how slim she was and how great she felt. (She is actually a brilliant MIL in general so trying not to hold this against her too much lol) I am only 12 weeks in but like to a wee daily nap at lunchtimes when WFH (have also been known to have lunchtime car naps when in office) First time i done it though I had parked in the corner into some bushes so I would be kind of hidden... it wasn't until I finished that night I realised I was actually parked under a camera 😂

😂Excellent, I look forward to that. Apparently we are also "spoiled with the pre/post natal care these days" "none of that in my day" 😄As if working to improve things is a bad thing.

Funnily enough a couple of our apprentices at work were talking about something techy and I found myself saying "well when I was your age" And I actually stopped myself and told them if they ever hear me start to say things like that they are allowed to stop me ha

Is this all from the same person? Some people switch the conversation to their own experience rather than sympathising. I am sorry that you have been feeling unwell, OP. I hope it eases for you.

Someone said to me (during my second pregnancy) 'at least you aren't fat like last time.' 😂

😂😂 the first trimester tiredness is so bad! People do seem to think your body is public property when you’re pregnant, it’s very annoying. Hope your sickness is getting a bit better!

Yes it was! My SIL did warn me though... about this and also all the opinions people like to offer 😃It is nice having a space here to have a little rant about it (and hear some similar stories) I am not going to mention my frustration at the lack of maternity clothes in shops to her as no doubt I will then hear how she had a personal tailor making all her outfits (or she was too slim to need maternity clothes)

Thank you - I am out of the thick of it now and feeling much better but for a time I was miserable.

Oh jeez!!! That was not kind :( Sorry someone said that to you. You wonder if they would feel comfortable making similar weight comments to someone who isn't pregnant.

Stop with the agism

It has been a struggle for sure but feeling much better now thank you !! This forum has been a godsend for advice, rants and sharing similar experiences (first time pregnant so all very new to me...did not realise how wild a ride it would be) This is what I was trying to explain to my husband. I said it feels like everyone thinks they have some kind of claim on you when you are pregnant! My line manager at work said to watch out for the people who think it is ok to randomly touch your bump. He said his wife got it alot 😯

I had something similar about the rhesus negative test "oh they test a lot now", yes I would prefer my baby not to get Rhesus disease

I think we become more sensitive while pregnant, and everyone says silly things but it just annoys us so much more than usual. Pregnancy is a personal thing but people want to know the details and then share their opinions. It's like you become public property.

Something I really don't like is people sharing details about other women's birth complications, particularly tears or if they have ongoing problems with their private parts afterwards. Would she want me to know that??

I agree and am completely aware I am probably more sensitive to it and as I said I absolutely know there is no malice in it (hence coming onto this forum for a wee "light hearted" anonymous rant rather than talking about it in "real life" to others who know the person) but it can feel a bit like people have to muscle in uninvited 😂If someone was telling me how much they were struggling with something I would (hope that) I would never feel the need to say "Oh not me..... I feel great!!"

Eek totally agree with this. I would be mortified if someone was sharing my personal details in such a way so would hate for someone to feel the need to share another's with me. I haven't experienced this (and hope I never do)

Since we have started telling more people I made a joke with my husband about putting bets on who we think will be the first ones to claim that they already knew/could tell (I know one family member who I can almost guarantee will say it)

I think some people are just really bad at conversation generally. I can't imagine ever offering a response of oh I was never sick to someone telling me how ill they are/have been! Same with just coming out and saying I didn't put on any weight, such a strange thing to say to someone currently going through it

All bets are off when you are pregnant- the whole world will now have an uninvited opinion on everything you say & do.

doesn’t stop after you give birth either. This is your new reality no one tells you about in advance.

whatever your thoughts on your life/body/child etc someone will think you are wrong & they will let you know.

it’s a bloody nightmare & best to ignore pretty much everything & everyone moving forwards.

congrats on your pregnancy 💜

Mine is.. im 20 weeks and people are like you're so big.. are you sure theres only 1? Yes im absolutely sure.. i wasnt a size 4 before getting pregnant..

Or involuntary touching my belly.. im hot.. i dont need you making me warmer by touching my belly🙃

People are just a bit thoughtless and I think some women want to prove they were a really good mother vs supporting you.

I had a really bad time with food anxiety and contamination OCD in early pregnancy, gotten a bit better now thankfully. I was saying I eat fresh soup from the supermarkets for lunch so I don't have to cook but at least I get some vegetables etc, and the woman I was talking to who was aware I'm having a shit time with debilitating anxiety around food, said "well you could always make your own soup, that's what I did" in a smug way.

Made me feel really really crappy, like I'm sharing with you that I'm struggling but I found something I feel OK about and makes 1 meal easy, and you take that opportunity to talk about how great you were when pregnant.

I am definitely too sensitive (and I'd gone a bit nuts with anxiety at that point) but in that scenario I would've said "that's really good. If there's anything you want to eat I could make it for you and we can put it in the oven and it'll be perfectly safe because it's hot." I wouldn't take the opportunity to talk about what a great mother I was 🙄

That is my thinking. "I felt great!" Would not be my first natural response to someone saying how ill they had been! It does seem to be just thoughtless comments and yes as you say bad at conversation

Thank you!

yep it is already looking that way! Fun times.... everyone becomes an expert 😆I made the mistake of mentioning a name I was considering to a family member... who screwed up their nose. Won't make that mistake again!

Oh no! So sorry someone has said that to you - I too was not a size 4 (or close to it) before pregnancy.

I have been forewarned about the random belly touchers..... eekk!!

Aw no - I am sorry this was said to you. It can feel a bit like oneupmanship sometimes. I am glad you are starting to feel a little better. People don't think how these "throwaway" comments can affect someone especially when they are struggling :(

I said, publicly, at work ‘Listen, I was pregnant yesterday, still pregnant today, probably pregnant tomorrow and next week — you don’t need to refer to it every time. you meet me on the corridor or we have a meeting. I won’t have forgotten I’m pregnant, but I’ll handle all the pregnant stuff. You needn’t worry about it. If I’m in a meeting with you, I am just thinking about whatever we’re talking about, too. The meeting is not about Pregnancy and Restructuring’.’

I also smacked someone from another department in the lift, after she’d lunged at my bump once too often.

Yeah definitely. I think those comments (including what you put in your OP about weight and sickness) say more about them than us, and are maybe coming from an insecurity, so try to let them wash over you (us, I'm so guilty of this lol)

Re the name, I've not told anyone the name we've chosen because I know people will have something to say or offer alternatives. If you like that name, please don't let them put you off. Once the baby is here, the name becomes the babies name and people like it.

My mum asked me weekly with my daughter how much weight I had gained in pregnancy. My daughter was 7 days old when she asked if I had lost my baby weight yet!!

Once you’re pregnant, your body belongs to the general public and they’ll all have something to say.
I’ve had a stranger in a cafe come to my table and ask if I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and if I intend to breastfeed. I almost choked on my damn toastie.
You’ll buy the wrong pram, you’ll put too much weight on, you won’t be healthy enough, you’ll look tired and then be told “just wait until…”
It’s always “just wait until…”, someone always has it worse.
People are cunts.
Enjoy your pregnancy, ignore them all.