Do manners no longer apply when talking to pregnant women?

[lifebeginz]

Maybe I am being over sensitive but so far comments I have had are as follows:

After saying how ill I had been feeling with MS "Oh I was NEVER sick with ANY of my pregnancies"

The next time this was said was elaborated on with "I hardly put on ANY weight in my pregnancies"

And then most recently, after showing the scan photo "Oh you are going to get really big I can tell"

Am I being over sensitive or do folk just not think before they talk 😂 I am adding laughing emoji as i know none of it was said with malice but I knew I could rant about it here! Would love to hear comments you have had that made you a little 😮

100% agree with this.

I’m pregnant with my second and have found peoples comments so much more annoying this time around. Every time I went into the office at least a few people would comment on how big I’m getting, or how much I’ve “popped” or how big they think the baby will be. None of it is meant maliciously but I’m so self conscious at the moment anyway it’s genuinely really horrible to hear. Plus finding something comfortable/appropriate to wear to the office has been hard enough without feeling like everyone is commenting on the size of me constantly!

I’ve even had to tell my mum to stop commenting as she helpfully said I look like someone has put a beach ball up my dress this week 😅

Women have very selective memories about pregnancy, birth and the early years. After we had been in and out of hospital for months trying to discover what was wrong with DS2 who had severe failure to thrive, DM-i-L casually said, 'Oh yes, DH had that when he was a baby too. We had to have [radical intervention].' Neither she nor F-i-L had thought to connect DS's illness with DH's in his babyhood, or to give us advice on this rare condition.

I love this just setting it out there and setting the boundaries! I wouldn't be brave enough!

Well, you have a choice. Either put up with people doing shit that irritates you while simmering with suppressed rage, or just tell them what you want them to do, and let them deal with whatever emotions it stirs up in them all by themselves.

Oh no I am so sorry this was said to you 😯There is no way I would be telling anyone how much weight I had gained (I am already self conscious about weight) and would hate to be asked that. sending love

Never had that experience myself and best to not use derogatory terms to describe an older generation.

What? An random stranger came up and asked you that? WTH that is madness. So sorry that happened to you. This person has already told me how tired I look on several occasions.... maybe they don't like me very much

I am sorry you are getting these comments especially when you are already self conscious. x

She did 😂 she got up from her table to come over to mine. I just stared in disbelief.
My Manager at work asked me if “it was planned”. I said “did you, a Manager, just ask me if I was having unprotected sex on purpose in the hopes of conceiving my child?”. My other Manager asked me to promise I’d come back after maternity leave and “you wouldn’t like staying at home every day anyway would you?”.
People. They’re nuts.

I am someone who was very ill during my first pregnancy and am now pregnant with my second. Some of my "favourite" comments include:

Have you tried ginger? (First time round - think my colleagues got the point because they haven't asked this time!)
You're so big, are you sure there's just one in there? (Both pregnancies)
You look so much better than last time! (This time round - got medication sorted much quicker to help with the HG)
Have you gotten your head round the fact that you'll have to push that big baby out of your vagina? (This time round)
Oh, you've got ages to go! (This time round - didn't speak to this person again all day 😆)

People definitely don't think about what they're saying, not really. But equally, pregnancy hormones make us more sensitive to everything, so it's a bit of both really!

Yes, do manners no longer apply when talking about people older than you?

Wait until they start with the competitive birthing stories. “I went through labour without any pain relief and it was really easy, don’t know what all the fuss is about”. That’s nice Sharon, but I plan on getting off my face on the strongest painkiller the hospital can offer. 🙄

As everyone else has commented, it seems to be a thing that pregnant women are public property - always has been like this from stories much older relatives have told me, but it’s really not ok.
My particular favourite was when I was pregnant with my first and a random woman at work enquired as to how many weeks I was. I replied that I was 36 weeks and shortly going on maternity leave.
Her response was to tell me that she knew someone who only got that far and then lost the baby as ‘you can never be sure it’s all going to be fine until after the birth’. Unbelievable.

Let nothing surprise you OP but don’t put up with any crap either! Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy and hope the sickness is getting much better!

Interesting, because I was telling some younger colleagues how awful my periods used to be (it was in the context of the general conversation). How I used to sometimes pass out, be doubled over with pain and throw up. They seemed to feel that us boomers somehow didn't have the right mindset about menstruation.

I understand that the comments are annoying OP, but you’re only 12 weeks in. You have to develop a thicker skin. It gets worse once the baby is here, as every man and his dog has an opinion about how you’re doing everything wrong.

My SIL had many opinions about babies, despite not having had any herself yet, and she’s definitely eaten her words over the years since having kids. My MIL has a tendency to remember everything with rose tinted glasses, including telling me that my DH ‘never had a tantrum’ LOL.

By the time I was pregnant with DC #3, I just stopped caring or concerning myself with what anyone else thought. I’m so much happier and a much better mum this way.

Oh the MIL stories! Mine has delighted in telling me several times that she had no pregnancy symptoms with her pregnancies (after I've been through months of hell with mine). Also that 'You say you only want one but I ended up with two'..she knows our only option is private IVF.

My own Mother told me at 8 weeks that my birth plan was wrong, and kept tutting and rolling her eyes.

They just love to support us don't they 🙄🙄

You’re being sensitive.

Oh yes the birth and breastfeeding questions! I forgot about those! I had so many lectures about my decision to have an elective caesarean and why it was going to be so bad for my baby, and why I have to breastfeed or I shouldn’t be, it’s now moved on to why I should be stopping!

You can never win!
If your baby cries a lot or has colic, “oh our darling slept 25 hours a day since they were born” and if you have a baby that sleeps great it’s “oh well, lucky you, that means you’ll have a horrible toddler”.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my second and so far I’ve picked the wrong pram, the wrong hospital to give birth in, the wrong car, the wrong colour carpet, and someone actually welcomed me to motherhood because I said I was tired… I have an 8 year-old daughter 😂

My MIL was furious with us because we wanted to find out the sex of our baby.
We told her that we was going to find out and she kicked off saying thats not how it works and how you never find out with your first, you always wait until theyre born for the surprise.
His sister never found out with her first, she waited until he was born to find out (that was 12 years ago...) so we have to do the same.

We still found out what it was... spoiler..m its a boy🤣

I cant wait for the stories of peoples birth and how it was so bad to come up more regular. Thats exciting.

It's not a new thing! People have always been rude to pregnant women. My mum came out with some right clangers. No doubt we will with our daughters and DILs.

We had the opposite. Absolutely wanted a surprise and it annoyed so many people! Just ignore.

My mum is like this and my brother corrects her every single time. My mum never stopped moaning!

There is some truth in the original statement, to be fair.