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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

So worried after overhearing my husbands conversation

71 replies

mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:30

Hello
This is my first post so I hope it works!

I am 20 weeks pregant with twins. We have one daughter already who just started school. When we decided to try for our second child my husband said he would like a boy.

Anyway finding out it was twins was a shock but I got used to it and was excited.

But on Wednesday my husband was watching the football and having a few beers with a family friend while he thought I was asleep. He told our friend he will be gutted if the twins are girls!!

I am so upset about this! I think the beer made him tell the truth.

We were going to let the sex be a surprise but instead I got the lady to write the sex of both twins on a piece of paper. I want to open it so I can prepare my husband.

Help!

OP posts:
Doodle2U · 23/05/2008 14:34

Ah sure you think you know what you want and how you're going to react etc but when your babies are born, your whole world is tipped up side down. He thinks he'll be gutted but he won't.

I think you should open the envelope and start facing up to what's coming, otherwise, you've got another 20 weeks of feeling screwed up about this and it might be for nothing if it turns out 1 or both are boys!

Good luck and welcome to mumsnet.

MacMac123 · 23/05/2008 14:38

Hello Mrs Greedy - I started the posting above yesterday about being disappointed with the sex. I found out I'm having a boy when I wanted a girl and there have bene loads of tears (from me).
My boyfriend pressured me to find the sex, becuase he knew that I'd be upset if it was a boy. ANd while there is one argument to say best prepare yourself etc, I'm not really sure. i was having such a nice pregnancy, not hormonal, no tears, nothing and finding out has really knocked me for six. From reading the other posts, and from knowing how I feel now, I can't help but think the rest of hte pregnancy will be slightly marred and I'll feel more apprehensive, and really, if I'd just waited it looks like all parents fall in love with their new born wahteer the sex (this is myfirst but that is waht all the otheres seem to be saying)
So whilst there is merit in knowing, you don't want to spoil an otherwise happy time. Also, your hubby probably just said this in passing - was he talkign to another bloke? if so, they were probaly going on about starting their own football team or somethign and he mgith have said it to be 'blokish'
I think if there is a danger of being upset, don't open the envelope. He will love them when they come whatever

Also - my mother in law told me that she had wanted a girl too. Apparently she was trying to emphasie, but really, this made it a whole lot worse. Because not only am i upste as I wnated a girl, but I feel guilty because so did she. If there is someone else around who is expressing strong opinions then don't give them their answer as the last thing you need is to feel guilty. If I'd waited, the MIL wouldn't have beena ble to say 'oh bummer i wanted a girl' when holding her first born grandson (or at least, I hope she wouldn't, bt you neve rknow with MILs!!!)

Original poster
mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:39

Thank you for your reply. I have been so upset. Hormones don't help. Of course my daughetr really wants both babies to be girls! I can't win!

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 23/05/2008 14:42

Please don't open the envelope without first discussing it with your dh. He may feel quite betrayed by that, whereas when the babies are born he will learn to love and cherish them whether they are boys, girls, or both.

CantSleepWontSleep · 23/05/2008 14:43

Welcome to MN.

You need to open the paper now, tell us the results, and then we'll tell you how to deal with it.

Original poster
mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:46

That is a very good point MacMac123.

Yes he was talking to another bloke. He has never said anything in the past to suggest he was desperately bothered either way. But I have seen the way he is when my nephew comes round and I can just tell he would love a son.

My daughter is such a girly girl who has no interest in rough and tumble or football so that may be a contributing factor. I really can't imagine her with a brother!

OP posts:
dgomez · 23/05/2008 14:48

I don't want to be rude but with so many women not beeing able, for various medical reasons, to ever be mothers, or for those like myself who had many miscarriages, if I was you I would only be happy and pray to have healthy babies, no matter if they are boys or girls !

Rowlers · 23/05/2008 14:48

Well, you can't please all of the people all of the time.
My advice?
Ignore this conversation you have overheard. Even if dh feels like this now, it won't last.
Don't open the paper and wait until birth.

Original poster
mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:49

I want to open the envelope. But am worried about betraying him. But he didn't actually say to me not to find out!

Having one of each would be the best of both worlds.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:50

Dgomez I am very happy with whatever I get. It isn't me who cares what they are - it is my family!!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:50

Dgomez I am very happy with whatever I get. It isn't me who cares what they are - it is my family!!

OP posts:
Rowlers · 23/05/2008 14:51

You may well have two more girls.
They may be girly girls.
They may love rough and tumble.
You may have two boys.
They may not like rough and tumble and football.

Sidge · 23/05/2008 14:52

Tell him you overheard him and does he want to open the piece of paper so he can find out for sure?

(I also agree he says that now, but will no doubt be over the moon when the twins arrive regardless of what sex they are.)

chloesmumtoo · 23/05/2008 14:54

Why not have a good chat to him and admit you over heard him. He may even make you feel better about it. I think talking to him is the best answer.

PinkPussyCat · 23/05/2008 14:55

Absolutely agree with Rowlers - Don't open the envelope and concentrate on looking after yourself and enjoying the rest of your pregnancy.

2 Blokes + Beers + Football all at same time doesn't lend itself to fluffy 'oh-wouldn't-another-little-girl-be-lovely' type chit chat!

Your dh will love his babies regardless

Original poster
mrsgreedy · 23/05/2008 14:55

I am going to phone my husband and ask him! I can't waste any more energy worrying about what might have been a throw away comment and if he really does mind then we need to deal with it!

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 23/05/2008 14:56

mrs greedy - hi, I have twin boys (wanna borrow them for some practice!), and when i was approaching my 20 week scan I was quite apprehensive. We had decided we wanted to know since they were our first and we wanted to be as prepared as we could be (paint the nursery blue or pink, that sort of thing). I knew DH wanted at least one boy and he kept laying on my bump telling me the bottom one (twin 1) was defo a boy cos he kicked dead hard. I was worried that if HE was a girl he'd be disappointed. Anyway it turned out they were boys so smiles all round, BUT 3 years on, he now wants a girl! we are currently trying for no. 3 but there are no guarentees in this game so we are not gonna find out once I do get pregs and just let it be a surprise. I admit I really want a girl, but if its a boy, hey ho!

Your DH is just showing some male bravado and he will be pleased either way, your hormones are all over the place plus you are apprehensive about having twins, so double the pressure and you are very sensitive at the mo.

Remember ONE thing, whatever the sex, it will be DH's fault - remember it's the male sperm that decides the sex, it's nowt to do with us - if you see any crinkle of a frown when two girls pop out, tell your DH that, will soon shut him up.

toodles · 23/05/2008 14:56

Totally agree with Sidge's advice.

DragonsEye · 23/05/2008 14:56

what sidge said.

MacMac123 · 23/05/2008 15:00

Although I would now really like to know what your twins are, don't open the envelope. Just throw it away and don't worry about what you heard.

If they are girls then you will feel bad, and so might he, and looks like your daughter will do too, and there will be upset all round (as has been happening chez moi!) when really all will be fine when they arrive and all the upset could be avoided.

I know a bloke who is father to 5 girls and he adores them. I'm sure he'd like a son and he says that sort of thing to my other half all the time, like I want a boy etc etc, but then when another girl arrives he's absolutley pleased as punch!

Also, its all relative. I felt guilty for posting about being gutted I had a boy whenI wanted a girl, when I know there are loads of people on here who are struggling to concieve. And I feel slightly jealous that you're having twins as they are just so magical, and you've already got a girl too so you're quids in as far as i can see!!!

But the point is, everyone lives in their own world and what matters to everyone is different! I can totally understand why you are feeling anxious!

Rowlers · 23/05/2008 15:00

But if he says he really meant it and you open up the paper and it says two girls, what then?
How can he mind?
Can't change it now can you?
If you do agree to open the paper, I think you need to agree beforehand how you will both deal with the news. You don't want to soend the rest of your pregnancy miserable do you?

Sidge · 23/05/2008 15:06

If you don't open the paper or talk to your husband about it you will spend the next 20 weeks worrying yourself silly.

It's not as if you can change what they are so if they are both girls your husband will have to get used to the idea. If you find out now, he has 20 weeks (or less) to get his head around it if they are both girls. If you wait till they are born, he may be so smitten he won't care anyway.

MacMac123 · 23/05/2008 15:06

Don't open the envelope! If there is a risk of spending the rest of pregnancy risky, then don't, erm, risk it!!!!

I can't believe you've got the answer in an envelope by the way, its like something from a soap opera!!! Or a murder mystery drama!

MacMac123 · 23/05/2008 15:07

I meant - if there is a risk of spending the rest of the pregnancy 'upset' not risky, sorry!

Mum1369 · 23/05/2008 15:08

I can't believe you have managed not to open it this far. I would be one glass of vino down and straight to it ! Although given that you are pregnant I suppose that's not such a risk..