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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant with 3rd partner won't speak to me

63 replies

Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:11

Currently have 2 children ages 11 and 9 and found out I'm pregnant with the 3rd, had previous ectopic and miscarriages and one abortion due to partner not being happy and wasnt the right time (please dont judge), always wanted a 3rd child! Did test and has been faint for about a week so in my mind I felt I was having another miscarriage as line wasn't getting darker! Partner seemed supportive! Did a digital test which said pregnant line getting stronger now he won't speak to me and said I've trapped him again new what I was doing al along and now acting depressed and sad, don't no what to do feel lost and alone
X

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 10/06/2025 09:13

Was he happily having sex without protection? He sounds like a right dickhead

Original poster
Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:13

Yes, I missed a few pills and bought condoms and he chose not to put them on x

OP posts:
Unforgettablefire · 10/06/2025 09:15

How come it’s him that’s trapped? It takes two to make a baby he should be making sure he doesn’t create one if he doesn’t want one.
love how this is all on the woman do you want the baby?

L00pyLou · 10/06/2025 09:23

Oh he's one of these men where nothing is ever his fault! Incapable of taking personal responsibility for anything...

Yea, you really trapped him when he wouldn't wear condoms 🙄

Does he often sulk when things don't go his way?

Be careful about being coerced into aborting. Your body, your choice.

Original poster
Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:24

I feel like thats what he doesnt understand it takes two 😩 yes I do but I can't stand how he's making me feel, the silent treatment is killing me, were more secure now than when we had our 1st we've got our own home he's stable with money and a job i just don't understand why some men react like this

OP posts:
Renabrook · 10/06/2025 09:24

Yes he should have done something himself but what on earth did you expect?

Other than leave him not sure what else we can say

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 10/06/2025 09:25

This man has chosen to impregnate you at least seven times so far, and is gaslighting you that he's 'trapped'?
He sounds utterly repugnant.
Dumping him seems like the best way to improve your life, who owns the house?

FallingArrow · 10/06/2025 09:25

Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:13

Yes, I missed a few pills and bought condoms and he chose not to put them on x

So basically he just expected to be able to guilt you into an abortion again with no consideration for your physical or mental health, rather than just using condoms.
I'd keep the baby and get rid of him.

SendTheNextOneIn · 10/06/2025 09:26

Ask him why he feels more trapped now than 11 years ago when you had your eldest. Was he planning on leaving you soon but now feels he can’t due to the pregnancy? The man speaks no sense. Tell him to sod off if he feels trapped, poor baby.

WaltzingWaters · 10/06/2025 09:29

Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:13

Yes, I missed a few pills and bought condoms and he chose not to put them on x

Well then he’s not been trapped has he, bloody selfish prick! How’s the relationship usually because from what you’ve said he just seems like a bit of an arse generally.

I’d ditch the man and keep the baby if you think you can and want to go it alone. But the man should go either way.

Original poster
Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:33

Yes that's very much him, his way or no way but ive not helped that for years I've done everything for him my own fault I no

This is my issue I had an abortion last time and I've been racked with guilt ever since,

He owns the house, which doesn't bother me as money doesn't matter to me, he's very money driven wants to retire early ect, our relationship is fine the kids are pretty much our life,

OP posts:
SErunner · 10/06/2025 09:33

I struggle with these posts as yes he could have worn a condom but equally why hasn’t either of you taken more rigorous measures to ensure you don’t get pregnant again? If you are prone to forgetting the pill you do have some responsibility to consider other methods of contraception, equally he could have had a vasectomy. None of this useful in hindsight but it does seem rather irresponsible on both sides and I’m not really sure what you were expecting. You are where you are now. You’ll have to have a conversation about it at some point and decide what to do. It doesn’t sound like he is going to be on board so I suspect if you proceed with the pregnancy you may have to accept your marriage is at best significantly changed or possibly over.

L00pyLou · 10/06/2025 09:35

Dora334 · 10/06/2025 09:33

Yes that's very much him, his way or no way but ive not helped that for years I've done everything for him my own fault I no

This is my issue I had an abortion last time and I've been racked with guilt ever since,

He owns the house, which doesn't bother me as money doesn't matter to me, he's very money driven wants to retire early ect, our relationship is fine the kids are pretty much our life,

Well then,keep your baby dump the loser. You'll be OK.

Sassybooklover · 10/06/2025 09:44

It takes 'two to tango' as the saying goes! Contraception is not just your responsibility but his too. If he didn't want another child, then he should have worn the condoms or booked himself in for a vasectomy. Having unprotected sex, leads to babies, it's basic biology - a fact he needs reminding of. He knew you'd missed a couple of Pills and there were condoms available for him to use, he made a choice not too, that decision is on him. Equally, if you hadn't wanted to become pregnant, you should have insisted he wore a condom or no sex, because you knew you'd missed several Pills. To now place the entire blame onto you, is extremely unfair. As for not talking to you, that's immature and pathetic for a grown adult. He needs to accept part responsibility for the situation. The decision to have this baby is entirely up to you, but be prepared to do it alone.

Sidebeforeself · 10/06/2025 09:47

Sorry but you are both irresponsible. Can’t believe you don’t care about money… you will need to if your relationship breaks down and you need to find somewhere to live with a new baby in tow.

Irotoyu · 10/06/2025 09:48

Sounds like classic baby trapping though. You deliberately missed pills because you want another baby.why don't you just be honest and own up to it?

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 10/06/2025 09:51

Oh no, you're extremely vulnerable being unmarried and him owning the house, he could evict you any time he wants.
Do you have a job? Your financial and housing security is of utmost importance.

BluesandClues · 10/06/2025 09:57

He owns the house, what do you own? Is it at least fifty fifty?

GoldDuster · 10/06/2025 10:08

He owns the house, which doesn't bother me as money doesn't matter to me

That's a nice sentiment but it won't help you much when he decides that he's not as into this family thing as you are, and ends the relationship.

He's got a good job, house and secure income and is gunning for early retirement. You've got a couple of school age children, and a pregnancy that your partner seems to want to punish you for. And a fairly loose grasp on the way that babies are made it seems.

I'd get your shit together and get yourself into a position where you won't be royally screwed if you split up. A pregnancy isn't going to help you with that mission unfortunately. Prioritise the children you already have, not the ones you want.

SErunner · 10/06/2025 10:33

Just read your update. You need to wise up. Money does matter, people who say it doesn’t usually have plenty of it. If you aren’t married, he is the main earner and he owns the house you are in an extremely vulnerable position. And IME people who are very money orientated usually apply this to holding on to what is theirs, not just making money. I think you need to tread very carefully with this and get your act together. Personally in your scenario I wouldn’t be contemplating an unwanted (on his part) 3rd child.

Sugargliderwombat · 10/06/2025 11:13

Wow. You really are risking a lot. Him to not use the condoms and you to not ask him to.

The money thing is really, really naive. You'll care once you're out of that house.

TheIceBear · 10/06/2025 11:19

If your kids are 11 and 9 I can understand your dh not wanting to go back to the days of sleepless nights and toddlerhood.
do you work and what is your plan if your marriage ends ?

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 10/06/2025 11:23

@TheIceBear there is no marriage.
Unless OP is independently wealthy, she's dependent on this man for housing and possibly financially, with no legal protections.

(Edited to add- not sure if OP has a job or extensive savings etc.)

L00pyLou · 10/06/2025 11:50

Irotoyu · 10/06/2025 09:48

Sounds like classic baby trapping though. You deliberately missed pills because you want another baby.why don't you just be honest and own up to it?

Projecting much?

She doesn't say she deliberately missed pills.
She bought him condoms to prevent a pregnancy when she'd missed some pills, he chose not to wear them. His choice, his responsibility.

He wasn't trapped.

MammaTo · 10/06/2025 12:47

SErunner · 10/06/2025 09:33

I struggle with these posts as yes he could have worn a condom but equally why hasn’t either of you taken more rigorous measures to ensure you don’t get pregnant again? If you are prone to forgetting the pill you do have some responsibility to consider other methods of contraception, equally he could have had a vasectomy. None of this useful in hindsight but it does seem rather irresponsible on both sides and I’m not really sure what you were expecting. You are where you are now. You’ll have to have a conversation about it at some point and decide what to do. It doesn’t sound like he is going to be on board so I suspect if you proceed with the pregnancy you may have to accept your marriage is at best significantly changed or possibly over.

Thank you for saying this as I thought it was just me. If he’s refused to wear the condom but then you both proceeded to still have sex then to me you’re both equally irresponsible, you should have stopped there.