Having babies in your 40s

[moonsovermiami]

What's your personal stance on waiting until 40s to have kids?

What’s yours?

My personal stance is that it’s a personal decision unique to each couple.

I'm mid 40s and the idea of having to be responsible for the next 20 odd years is completely unappealing. Dd is a teen and I'm looking forward to more freedom financially and selfishly, although I adore the bones of her. No way I'd want it for me.

It's not a stance as I completely understand that other people have different energy levels and priorities.

Tbh most women (that I know) don’t exactly “wait to their 40s” to have kids . It’s usually a case of they were unable to find a suitable man before that.

I don’t know about men though, it does seem more intentional with many of them.

Wouldn't do it on purpose for a number of reasons but life happens that way for some people and that's fine

All being well, I will be 43 when #3 arrives. This wasn’t really the way I’d planned it. I think we’d thought our family was complete with our first two, DD2 was still in our bed pretty much every night until she turned 3, and in any case we just didn’t have the room. Then we moved house and about 6 months later I fell unexpectedly pregnant at 39. We panicked, then started getting used to the idea, but then the pregnancy ended just 5 days later. I’ve been trying ever since, set myself various deadlines that I just wasn’t strong enough to keep to, and then finally here I am, in very early pregnancy again, about 2 years on from the first deadline I set, just waiting to feel confident enough to feel delighted!

I’m over 40 and feel way to old and knackered to have a baby! But that’s just me, for others it might be fine.
I think planning life that way is a risk due to reducing fertility so it might not happen but I’d assume anyone actively waiting had weighed up the risks against the perceived benefits. Ultimately, it’s none of my business anyway!

It would be too old for me but I don’t care what others do

Why do you ask,@moonsovermiami?

The thought of it makes me tired and relieved that I had my babies at 28 and 30. But what other people do is none of my business. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Actively planning for it is a poor idea due to the likelihood of struggling to conceive past 40.

It happening because of life or fertility challenges or not meeting the person until later, sure, people should go for it if it's right for them.

I don’t think anyone is actively planning to not have kids until their 40s, it just turned out that way

Not for me! But each to their own. I can’t see why you would want to still be responsible for young children going into your 50s, still potentially paying for Uni in your 60s, etc. No thanks.

Not for me thank you, but I can understand that others will feel differently.

but not because of being in my forties with an under ten, that’s fine.

but I’m 50 now, tired with menopause and so so excited about retiring as early as I possibly can. I would absolutely not want to be still doing the primary school run now.

The thought of having to still work to put my dc through Uni for example, rather than making a start on my bucket list travels at 60yo would be awful.

Deliberately waiting? I think it’s a bit of a risky strategy particularly if you want multiple kids or if you know you want your own biological children or you really don’t want to go through IVF. If a younger female friend of mine said they wanted to wait til 40 and then have a baby I’d probably gently alert them to the risk of age related infertility by shrugging and saying I chose to start in my late twenties because I wanted multiple kids and didn’t want to risk leaving it too late for myself.
Lots of people don’t meet till late thirties in which case it wasn’t really a choice so I’d never comment. And I’d never tell a friend who was pregnant in their forties that I thought it was too late!

Depends on circumstances but would not have been my choice .

If you have no other choice, I sort of get it.

On purpose waiting? God no way!!

There will be posters telling you they completed their family by 19 and couldn’t possibly have even thought about having a baby in their 20s. And then posters asking if 57 is too old.

Exhausted with my almost 3 yr old DS at 42. Absolutely couldn’t cope with another child now without losing something - myself, marriage etc! Wouldn’t have been my first choice to have him so late on but life had other ideas. I wouldn’t be without DS but nothing could tempt me to have another. I can imagine things might have been different if I was 5 or 10 years younger.

Like others have said, I doubt very many women actively choose to wait until their 40s to have kids. If they do, well that’s their business. I was 39, 40 and 44 when I had mine. No regrets. Would have liked them earlier but just didn’t turn out that way. Sure I feel tired but no more so than I think I would have felt in my early 30s with three young children!

I think it's the having the children that makes you feel so exhausted, it doesn't matter so much when you have them.

Those that are 38 with teenagers saying they're exhausted and couldn't fathom having a baby now - it's those teenagers that have tired you out and and ground you down over the years!

I'm 42 with young kids, I don't feel overly tired but I suppose I feel the burn sometimes. When I was 36/37 before they arrived, I felt fit as a fiddle. Because, no kids!

For myself? Thanking fuck I'm past that stage.

For other people? None of my business.

I didn't find the right man until I was 42. I had given up all thought of children because I had already had gynae issues, then found myself feeling odd at 44, went to the GP and ds popped up on the ultrasound.

So I never really developed 'a view', I just went with my one chance.

DS arrived full term when I was 45 & 2 months, He was 8lb, healthy and has been fairly plain sailing. He's now munching chocolate digestives and revising for his physics A'level. 🤗

I'm 61 and still cycle/run/swim/work full time. I don't feel particularly tired, even now.

I don't have a personal stance on this as it will not be a personal circumstance of mine.

me personally? Couldn’t think of anything worse.