Having babies in your 40s

[moonsovermiami]

What's your personal stance on waiting until 40s to have kids?

Didn’t plan on waiting for my 40s, started a lot earlier than that but had several miscarriages. It was either have babies in my 40s or not have babies.

Can’t say whether it’s harder in my 40s than it would have been in my 20s or 30s. Can say that all my mum friends are tired regardless of when they had their babies.

I'm pregnant at 38 after IVF due to unexplained infertility. This will be my first. I absolutely wasn't mum material in my twenties, and in my early thirties DH and I were enjoying the honeymoon period of early marriage. When we decided TTC naturally, it soon became apparent we were struggling; I'd said then that absolutely no way would I want a baby past 40, and that if it hadn't happened for us, that I would rather just embrace being child free.

Now I'm pregnant though, with another embryo in the freezer from the IVF process, I'm much less hard-line on that stance. I've honestly loved being pregnant - I'm VERY lucky to have had an easy pregnancy, which I didn't expect on account of my age - and I definitely feel emotionally and financially ready for this baby, as well as physically fit and well (probably more so than a decade ago, when I was very much a work-hard, play-hard career/party person!). So if it comes to pass that we want to try for a sibling, either naturally or through FET, it'll be near impossible for me to avoid having a newborn in my 40s (unless I want to end up with 2 under 18 months!).

Wow the comments on here 😱MN hate any woman over 30 he wants a baby 🙄

so judgy! Maybe just maybe some women aren’t lucky enough to have babies at 28,29 …maybe they’ve had issues conceiving or waiting for the right person to have kids with or in my case had consecutive miscarriages due to an immune disorder that meant I couldn’t just have babies younger (until my condition was discovered).

What comments are you referring to? @Headycloud Most of the posts I’ve read haven’t been critical of women over 40 having kids.

If anything people have either said they did it themselves and a few said they wouldn’t do it themselves but it’s up to other people if they choose and are understanding of the reasons behind it

My second will be born when I'm 30 and that's too old for me.. I'm knackered now.
I have a 5 year old and wish I had 2 closer together but there we are.
40 is getting too old in my opinion, my dh parents had him later and are both nearly 70 with loads of health problems...they can't interact with their grandchild as much as my parents who are in their late 50s.
There's also the increased risk of downs etc.

I think it's rare to deliberately "wait until your 40s". For most of us it's because we suffered losses/problems before that, or maybe we weren't in the right relationship until later.

Whatever the reason, it's up to each couple, and personally I think it's a blessing whatever your age

Intentionally waiting until your 40s to have kids is obviously not advisable. Conception gets harder. . Sperm quality drops. . Pregnancy is tougher, etc. But I think a lot of women don't intend to wait so late, and I don't think badly of them for wanting to try in their 40s. My mum had her first in her early 20s and her last in her mid 40s. We're all fine. There are a lot more women today in this position than in the past probably because access to contraception has meant women can hold off pregnancy. The best advice is don't wait too long but from stuff I've been reading on here and online that message seems to be catching on

What comments are you referring to? Can't see any hate here. I was over 30 when I had dd fwiw

I absolutely wouldn’t choose it for myself. I’m 42 with a 10 year old and very thankful for that. Wouldn’t have the energy or inclination to do it again.

I didn’t choose to wait until my 40s to have children…it wasn’t some grand plan. The truth is, I just wasn’t very good at choosing the right partner when I was younger. It took me time, growth, and experience to find someone who truly aligned with me.

I was fully aware that conceiving in my 40s might be more difficult, and I accepted that possibility. But as it turned out, I was fortunate enough to conceive within five months of coming off the pill.

Having children later in life, like anything else, comes with both advantages and challenges.

On the positive side, we’re in a much stronger financial position now than we ever would have been in our 20s or early 30s. That stability gives us more freedom and less stress as we prepare to raise a child. Emotionally, I’m far more grounded at 40 than I was in my younger years. I’ve had time to understand myself, heal from past experiences, and develop healthier coping strategies. I genuinely believe that I’ll be a more patient, present, and emotionally available mother now than I would have been earlier in life.

That said, there are challenges too. Energy levels are naturally lower, and there’s an increased awareness of time….how old we’ll be when our kid reaches certain milestones.

But ultimately, there’s no universal “right time” to have children. We all come to parenthood with different life experiences and emotional starting points. For some, a stable upbringing and early emotional maturity make younger parenthood a beautiful fit. For others -like me- it took time to become the version of myself that felt ready to bring a child into the world.

Everyone’s journey is different, and that’s okay.

I think it's a bad idea to wait till your 40s if you have other options. But if you get to 40 and want babies then you should crack on. I had two in my 40s, younger would have been better but life had other plans.

There was absolutely no way I was happy to have children in my 20's.
I married at 28 and then spent time with my husband travelling the world, building our family home and focussing on my career.
Never did I imagine we would struggle to conceive. We spent over 3 years trying and failing to get pregnant. I was 36 when we finally fell pregnant and 37 when baby was born.
I didnt feel our family was complete so set a timeline of trying again, knowing it was hugely unlikely to happen. I took 3 years to make this decision though due to lack of support around us and the uncertainty of what a family of 4 would be like.
I fell pregnant at 40 and will be due later this year now im 41.
Is this pregnancy harder? Absolutely.
Is it more tiring having a toddler and being pregnant? Sure is.
Would I have chosen to have children this age? No, but sometimes we dont know what life will throw us. I feel lucky to have a beautiful daughter and a son on the way.
Age isnt always on your side and you never know whay challenges you face.

I had my baby early 30's but the flipside to this is that losing my 20's to the responsibilty of a child is unappealing to me.

Totally personal decision.

Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they did regarding having children. As long as it works for each individual that’s fine.

DH and I met in our early 20’s and just wanted to have an adventure. We travelled the world and ticked off almost our entire bucket list. We didn’t give a thought of having a child until I was about 40 and DH 45.

We eventually had a DS when I was 44 and DH was 49. That was 6 years ago and we’ve loved every minute of it and certainly don’t feel too old.

I think we’ve just done life in a different order to what most others do. We certainly have no yearning to have time to travel following retirement as we’ve been there, done that already. We’d rather spend time with our DS when we’ve retired.

I suspect many people look at what they did in terms of age when they had kids and think they couldn’t do what others did however it is either or not both in most cases. If you asked someone who had kids in their 20’s if they wanted more in their 40’s then the answer is usually no but that’s very different to only having kids in your 40’s.

Yes to this, I’m very healthy and fit but the thought exhausts me. But what others do is no concern of mine, good on them!

I went through the menopause at 38.

I was the generation taught to go to university get a career and have children later in life.

I'd say to any woman in her 20s that that advice was horse poo. If you want children have them ad early as you can. Don't wait and assume you will conceive.

How many times a day does this come up here 😂

Poor you, that's pretty darn rare tho

I didn’t meet my DH til I was 39. He was divorced with two kids. We had two kids, one at 41, one at 43. My mother had my younger sister at 40, and her mother had two children when over 40 (the last two of 8).
As it happens most of my friendship group had children in their 40s, the oldest at 46, all but two conceived naturally (they had successful IVF at 40). So obviously it seems perfectly normal to me.

Met DH at 33, started trying a year later however I did not anticipate that the following 5+ years were spent going through IVF and multiple miscarriages and I gave birth at 40. The other people I know who had kids in their 40s either had fertility problems or didn't meet the right man until they were older so I don't think most people actively plan to wait until their 40s but for some of us that's just the way life goes

I’m mid-30s and still on the fence about having a baby. I wouldn’t say I’m waiting until my 40s, but I get the sense that I subconsciously am, because I keep thinking of things I want to do before having a baby (mostly travel/adventure related, like climb a particular mountain, go to particular festivals, take a sabbatical to go travelling for a few months etc.). The list of things now takes me all the way to 2029, or age 39, and I’m sure the list will grow. I know there’s no right time, and you’re supposed to just crack on with TTC past a certain age, but I can’t help but feel that it’s way too soon. In some ways I still feel like I’m 24 and just getting started with living my best life 😅

Would love to hear from women who were like this at my age, and whether they figured it out one way or another!

I guess, a woman is not equal to a woman. My colleague is 10 years younger than me, but she has no energy whatsoever, no travelling, nothing.
I’m travelling with my little one as much as I can (when school allows) and most weekends we are not at home.
There’s no wrong or right- we are all very different including our circumstances.

I’m pregnant with my first now in my late 30s. After years of infertility and struggling. If we decide to have a second child, the likelihood is I will be 40+. I did not choose to have a child so late, my friends children are all reaching their teenage years, my best friend is at the point where she has some freedom again, and I’m about to start from scratch. It’s not what I planned for my life, but I’m embracing it, and will do if we decide to have a second in our forties.

Are you happy if it turns out you won’t be able to have children?

just to say you can still travel and do the mountain later in life

Personally, I didn’t. I did have a MC at 42 but I was relieved rather than disappointed.