I want to give my child my step grandfather's surnane

[PuffRuff]

A little bit of the backstory.

My dad's dad (my granddad. I will call him Ben) stopped talking to my mum after my dad died when I was 6 years old. Although, Ben would send the occasional card I had no other contact with him until I was 18 years old. We occasionally send messages to each other, but otherwise, we don't have a relationship.

I have no memories of my dad.

My dad's mum (my nan) had remarried several years later to 'John'. My mum didn't have a relationship with my nan, so I only met her a handful of times before she died. I have very little memories of John, but from what I remember of him, John was a gentle person and was pleasant to be around. John passed around when I was about 8 years old. My nan died about 2 years later.

I obviously have my dad's surname, which is Ben's surname. I don't have a relationship with other family members and the only thing that connects us is our surname.

Since we're expecting a baby, I have thought of my child's name and it was decided the baby should have John's surname as he was the only decent family member in my life. Even if I don't have many memories of him.

I was talking to a friend about my pregnancy and the topic of the surname came up. She assumed I would give the baby my surname and when I said I was going to be giving them John's surname instead she started making comments about how she would just stick with my surname as John wasn't 'family'. I explained that although John wasn't related by blood, he was the best member of my family. John never had children (before he married my nan and no shared children between the two of them). She said it would be unfair for Ben if my child had John's surname. Keep in mind, my grandad does have other grandchildren who have children with his surname, so it's not like I'm his only grandchild to pass on the family name.

I don't know how Ben felt about John as he never spoke about him. I do know that after Ben and my nan broke up their relationship was not great and from what heard it was toxic.

I guess I'm just wondering how it sounds to other people if my child had my step grandad's surname. I have thought about changing my surname as cut any ties to the others.

Is the other parent not involved? are you the mother or the father?

I think your child should have the same name as at least one of its parents. What sbout your baby's dad's name? If you want to call your baby John's name then I think you should change your name to John's name too.

I'm confused also. Are you saying you, the baby's father and the baby would each have a different surname? If the baby's dad isn't in the picture, why don't you also change your surname to John's surname?

Why don't you use a family name from your mothers side? Could be a first or last name used as a surname. It's quite weird to use the name of a step grandparent who you didn't really know.

If you give them a different name you will keep having to prove you are the parent. So applying for a passport, signing them up to school etc. Also he passed away when you were 8 so he isn’t going to be involved. Why not your Mums surname?

Either use your surname or the baby’s dad’s surname. Don’t complicate it more than it needs to be.

Where’s the baby’s dad in all of this?

You will find life so much easier if your child has the same surname as you.

Does your step grandfather’s surname work as a first or middle name ? Eg Carter could be a surname or first/middle name.

I would gone the baby the surname of you, the baby’s dad or a double barrel tbh Without a parental surname it looks like you are stepmum rather than mum

It's a lovely and special tribute to John, but could you incorporate this as a middle name?

Did you only kmow John for two years, from aged 6 to 8?

Your name isn’t your dad’s or your grandad’s, it’s yours. Give your baby your name.

I guess it doesn't really matter for the question, but I don't follow the timeline. Your dad died when you were six and your nan married John "several years later" and died when you were eight. The math doesn't really work there.

Regardless, you can give your child whatever last name that you want, but it seems that there are better/easier ways to honour John.

Sometimes I always feel sad based on my past experiences I kee trying to move on but don't experience keep holding me back I don't know what to do....

Change your own name if you’re going to give it to the baby so that you share a surname. Or give the baby the name not as a surname. Weird to have a surname that doesn’t match either parent.

I don't get why you wouldn't just give your child your Dad's surname, (which is also yours) as I'm assuming he'd have continued to be in your life if he hadn't passed away. Your post doesn't make much sense really, and seems a non issue.

Keep your own surname and use it for the baby's surname. You could call the baby John or use his surname as a middle name.
Nothing is stopping you using John's surname but is seems quite a remote connection to your child. What does the baby's father think? Or your mother?

I’m confused so you only met your Nan a handful of times before she died when you were 10, but you feel connected to her husband who died when you were 8? Did you spend more time with him than your nan? Or did you only see him a few times too?

Is there a partner involved in this? Could the baby have John or a johns surname as a middle name?
Are you planning to change your name? It’s unusual for a baby to not share a name with either parent. Have you considered your mums name?

If you change your name to John's then when the baby arrives he or she will have your name.

But where is baby's dad?

So many questions, why are you only looking at the paternal side of the family tree, why does your mums family not get a look in? Why have you not involved the father in the discussion?

if you are planning to name the baby something different I would recommend changing your name to prevent a life time of issues especially if you are still with the babies

feels hugely over complicated!!!

You’re planning on giving your child a surname of someone you knew for maybe a year when you were little? How very odd!

As others have said. Your baby either gets your surname or its other parents surname. It's got fuck all to do with your kids great grandparents.

Even say you're the mum and this baby is born from a one night stand with an incontactable dad. Your mums name? Rather than your mums estranged mothers short term husband you met a handful of times and died when you were a young child. Christ he could have been an alcohol gambling addicted, wife beating paedophile for all you know. Why would you name your kid after him.

Firstly what about the other parents surname (unless you’ve done this alone)

Otherwise why not start afresh, decide on an unrelated surname and change yours by deed poll and give this to your child? What about your Mum’s maiden name, could you use that?

Sorry OP, but this is a daft idea. You barely knew this man! Why wouldn't you give your baby your own surname?

Even if you don't like your surname, why not just change it to something more meaningful? Your mum's maiden name? Your grandmother's maiden name? Why this random man? It's bizarre.