I want to give my child my step grandfather's surnane

[PuffRuff]

A little bit of the backstory.

My dad's dad (my granddad. I will call him Ben) stopped talking to my mum after my dad died when I was 6 years old. Although, Ben would send the occasional card I had no other contact with him until I was 18 years old. We occasionally send messages to each other, but otherwise, we don't have a relationship.

I have no memories of my dad.

My dad's mum (my nan) had remarried several years later to 'John'. My mum didn't have a relationship with my nan, so I only met her a handful of times before she died. I have very little memories of John, but from what I remember of him, John was a gentle person and was pleasant to be around. John passed around when I was about 8 years old. My nan died about 2 years later.

I obviously have my dad's surname, which is Ben's surname. I don't have a relationship with other family members and the only thing that connects us is our surname.

Since we're expecting a baby, I have thought of my child's name and it was decided the baby should have John's surname as he was the only decent family member in my life. Even if I don't have many memories of him.

I was talking to a friend about my pregnancy and the topic of the surname came up. She assumed I would give the baby my surname and when I said I was going to be giving them John's surname instead she started making comments about how she would just stick with my surname as John wasn't 'family'. I explained that although John wasn't related by blood, he was the best member of my family. John never had children (before he married my nan and no shared children between the two of them). She said it would be unfair for Ben if my child had John's surname. Keep in mind, my grandad does have other grandchildren who have children with his surname, so it's not like I'm his only grandchild to pass on the family name.

I don't know how Ben felt about John as he never spoke about him. I do know that after Ben and my nan broke up their relationship was not great and from what heard it was toxic.

I guess I'm just wondering how it sounds to other people if my child had my step grandad's surname. I have thought about changing my surname as cut any ties to the others.

bollocks.

why do people keep perpetuating this myth?

I have never had to “prove” I’m dc’s parent. Applying for passports, school etc is no different, you have to provide the birth certificate regardless of surnames. In fact I have less paperwork to send as I don’t need my marriage certificate to show change of name.

having a different surname makes absolutely no difference to anything.

lol your surname is your surname.

until you get married when it’s your dad’s surname so you have to take your husbands name.

mumsnet 😂

But it's not Dads surname or Mum's maiden name - the child will have no relations with the same name?

I think it would be a better idea to change your name also, to the same name as the baby, even if it’s a brand new name you make up for yourself, instead of using johns name. Find a surname
you like and use it for you and baby. (This is based on the assumption OP is the woman/mother)

So? That’s allowed.

happens often if you give the child mums maiden name, then mum remarries and changes her name.

neighbours kids don’t have either parent’s current name due to this. The eldest has a different name again as he was given his dads.

quite a few siblings at dc’s school have different names to each other as they have been given their dad’s name and mum still has her maiden name.

they’ve never had any issues with schools, passports, travel etc.

although it usually takes two people to make a baby so I’m not sure where the other parent is in o/p’s naming process. Unless she’s gone with a sperm donor.

Does it make a difference if she’s not the woman/mother?

a man can change his name if he wishes.

if the o/p is male would you change your advice?

Of course its allowed. But as a child would you want a random surname of someone you've never met and your Mum can barely remember?

I have very little memories of John, but from what I remember of him, John was a gentle person and was pleasant to be around. John passed around when I was about 8 years old. My nan died about 2 years later

Makes no sense. You want to give your child the surname of a step-grandparent, that you have little memories of, albeit the ones you do have are pleasant.

This is one of the whackier things I have read in Mumsnet and I’ve read some weird things here. Giving a child the surname of a step-grandparent you have little memory of.

True. My daughter reverted to her maiden name after divorce. She has no trouble travelling with her children.

Having a different name from your children isn't such a big deal.

I don't think it's that important.

Let's hope her child feels the same as they are growing up.

Op either keep your name or go with your mums name
I think the baby should have your name regardless of origin

Of if you want a completely different name choose one!

Yes I know that. Maybe re read my post properly

As the o/p makes no mention of a second parent as is raking around her family to find a surname…

I’m going to make a guess that having a surname unconnected to known family members is going to be less of an issue than not knowing their entire paternal biological family.