Anyone else feel a bit rubbish at pregnancy?

[addictedtoharibo]

So Im 24 weeks now and so I get told on what seems like an hourly basis by friends and random strangers I should be blooming. When I say I feel terrible they warn me how much worse its going to get (thanks) or how dreadful it will be when the baby is here. When I say Im thinking of going on mat leave at 32 weeks I get somewhere between raised eyebrows and an alright for some look or a horrified "I worked until the baby crowned" look.

In reality I feel terrible. Im still being sick but "only" a couple of times a day. Still feel nauseaus all day but "only" like a bad hangover not like Im dying anymore. Cant eat a lot and only specific things - still weigh less than when I started. Tiredness has hit and I am exhausted beyond belief but as soon as I lie down my eyes ping open and I cant sleep. Feel tearful all the time and like I cant cope with things and just want to lie on the sofa and be pathetic. And to top it off I have a stupid cold (wow I really sound pathetic lol sorry!)

Am I completly wrong in thinking I should try and take it easy and cut back? I have a stressful job, am doing a phd and have a complete whirlwind of a toddler meaning Im leaving the house at 7 am and often still working at 10pm at home. DH always seems to be working or studying himself - out at least 4 nights a week and most of the weekend and we have no family support. Every time I mention to DH, friends or my mum that I want to cut back and spend some time at home on my own and I really need some support I get the looks described above. They think I should be working far later and cant understand why I feel so bad now.

Am I just being pathetic? Should I just pull myself together? Im really not looking for sympathy (although would be nice lol) just someone to understand how crap I feel and not to dismiss it. Or for some practical ideas of what I can do to get over this. I know a lot of people think that pregnant women should just get on with it and stop moaning but I really feel like Im about to collapse - although dont really have the time for that one lol.

Anyone else feeling as pathetic or is everyone superwoman? Am I really being that useless??

You have my total sympathy - I didn't feel as ill as you sound like you did to start with but felt just like you describe you feel now from 6 weeks to 14 weeks and felt totally miserable - am now 19 weeks and feeling much happier and more 'blooming' but only because I don't feel like death warmed over any more. It's your body's way of telling you to take a break - and remember it's not just you you're doing it for it's for the health of your baby too. You should do what feels right for you and go on maternity leave when it suits you - it's no one else's business. This is my second baby and in my experience it doesn't get worse either! Once I stopped feeling sick I felt fine for the rest of my pregnancy, even when I was two weeks overdue. THe first few weeks with a new baby were tough but after that I started to enjoy it and once they get a little older it only gets more rewarding. Having had morning sickness again this time around it reminded me of how awful it is and for me is still the single worse thing about pregnancy and having children. So hang in there things will only get better!

Aaw you poor thing! You definitely do need to take it easy, there's no point in suffering just to save some people thinking you've got it easy, it's obvious you haven't! They do say you never get as much help or sympathy for subsequent pregnancies, but it's harder with a toddler around.

If it were me I'd be tempted to ham it up a bit more so they actually realise you're feeling dreadful rather than soldiering on, tears might help (with your mum etc)

If you want to take maternity leave at 32 weeks it's no-one elses business. I felt rotten for ages in pg as I had low iron levels which I didn't find out about for ages, so had pale dry yet spotty skin, lacklustre hair, I was ill with a terrible hacking cough - no blooming here at all!

Look after yourself and sod what they think, you're doing an amazing thing!

Sorry - just realised you already have a toddler so you know how rewarding it is etc!

Thank you both - it really means a lot for someone just to acknowledge this is not easy and to know Im not alone (although wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone).

Sprogster - yes thats the only thing keeping me going through this that I know what this is all in aid of - although people are determined to tell me I wont cope with two - but the first time round at least a newborn was miles easier than being pregnant!

I am sort of in the same position as you, feel exactly the same physically, but have sort of come to terms with it emotionally (helped that scan showed everything perfect...just need to find something else to worry about now!)

I hated everyone telling me that they had marvallous pregnancies, in that very smug way they have when faced with some who is suffering.

Take the time you need. I have just had 4 weeks off (1 working from home, 3 sick) due to this and also with a bad back. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated, but I know if I had tried to do it all normally that I would have ended feeling even worse.

I am in a sort of lucky position with regards to work as well. I have just been made redundant, although financially I am going to be OK, unlike some other people who are not so lucky, I know, but it does mean that I can spend the last few months before my baby is due taking that time out for me.

I had planned on an early maternity though, before all this came up, I couldn't bear the thought of being fat and huge during July and August, my SIL suffered last year and there was no way I was going through that. People looked at me as though I was mad! I was told I would get bored and lots of other horrible things they say when you tell them you don't plan on doing things exactly like they did.

Stand your ground and let everyone know that actually, you are important, and yes life does go on, but right now the priority is for a happy healthy mummy and baby, and if that means changes so be it.

I have been lucky with quite a sympathetic husband, and my mum has been great, but I have still had to remind them every now and again, that hang on, I'm struggling here and I need some help.

Chin up, you are not the only going through it, and ignore all the absolute pains in the backside who tell you you can't cope, tell em all that if they persist in saying things like that to you that they won't get the chance to see you prove them wrong. Grrh!

:-)

I am feeling exactly the same. It was my birthday yesterday and I threw up twice and ended up feeling very miserable. The worst thing is that as it's my first baby, everyone keeps saying this is the easy bit!

I can't do anything, nothing fun any more and I'm worried I'm so miserable I'm driving everyone away!

I can't offer you any practical advice, but I just wanted to tell you that I sympathise. Pregnancy is horrible.

god take it easy if you want to and you can
this thing of pg women having to carry on as normal is stupid
I have wanted to be as active as possible for as long as possible through this pg and now at 33 weeks am going on mat leave - because I have to, not because I want to

if you are feeling dreadful fgs stop as soon as you can
I am sorry people are being unsupportive
they are tossers IMO

I am 36 weeks and still waiting for the "blooming" phase to start. I had morning sickness from 6-25 weeks followed by blood pressure problems. I have not really enjoyed being pregnant but there is another girl at work who is blooming and loving every second of it.

I am finally on maternity leave although probably should have left a couple of weeks before I did.

Listen to your own body. My MW says all my signs are my body telling me to slow down and cut back which I have now finally done. I am starting to feel better now - 1 week into maternity leave!

I have found that if you say you feel unwell, someone else will always say I felt great and vice versa. People will always have an opinion on how you should be feeling based on their own experiences.

I'm rubbish at pregnancy too!

I spend the first (at least) 12 weeks ridiculously anxious, the next 8 desperate to feel movement and then my pelvis goes around 20 weeks. The last 6 weeks I just want to sleep and people either tell me how tired I'm looking or they say stuff like "you're looking a lot better" that makes me wonder how bad I was looking last week!

Only saving grace is (thanks to hand ons) I have a FABULOUS maternity wardrobe plus I know that the end is in sight.

Sounds like you're doing too much. Try and stop doing some stuff and take it easy.

OMG, addictedtoharibo good on you girl! I'd say that writing up my PhD, whilst carrying out a stressful job was the worst time of my life, regardless of having a toddler and being pregnant!

I'm 22 weeks pg with first baby and feel knackered, indecisive and seem to pick up evry cold going. AM fed up with everyone telling me how lovely the second trimester is meant to be, and how I should be glowing and full of energy. Spent a lot of the first trimester in bed/hospital, so at least my line manager is treating me like the delicate flower I seem to have become (helps that his wife is 4 weeks more pg than me) and I have been working part time since I came of sick leave. Back to full time next week though!

I'm obviously not feeling as bad as when I was in hospital, but wouldn't go as far as saying that I am enjoying being pg!

And my sister's reaction to being told she was going to be an auntie in September? "You silly cow, you're going to be enormous at the hottest time of year".

I can't comment on how good it is to have the baby as the end of the pregnancy, but getting my PhD just ROCKED!!!!! It was so worth all the years of hard work, sweat, tears, trauma and despair. That sounds a bit like what I've been told raising a baby is like!

Hope you feel better, good luck with PhD. You soudn like you're scarily capable, doing all those things at once!

Again, thank you all for your lovely lovely responses - was very scared I was going to get told to get on with it (which I have to but you know what I mean). I know I have to do soemthing about this and slow down but its hard when noone in RL agrees with you and I feel that I "should" keep going. Also its very hard when you are so used to desperately juggling everything just to stop. But needs to be done. Forgot to add I ended up in and out of hospital last time with high bp and then with months of bad pnd so really I should know I need to stop. Am thinking of seeing midwife, explaining how awful I feel (and hoping she agrees and doesnt tell me to pull myself together). Then if I have a medical opinion on my side then people might listen...maybe

Frannyandzooey - Its this superwoman idea that is driving me mad. People keep telling me pregnancy is not an illness but it is for me. FGS - if any non pregnant person threw up several times a day for months on end they would probably be in hospital!

Finallypregnant - yes I am starting to see I should listen to my body. Realised earlier that when I lie down and put my feet up I feel a lot better...its just getting everyone else to understand the same.

Tassisssss - lol at the wardrobe - that is a huge benefit of being pregnant second time round or more - you have the basics and can spend on nice stuff. And you have made friends with children who can pass on their nice stuff.

AHLH - I am at the writing up stage now and just trying to publish which has completly frazzled what was left of my brain. Make a decision? Write academically? Form a logical argument? Errr what???

Borglady - I found a newborn much easier than I did pregnancy. I remember DH coming home when DS was about 3 days old (he had gone back to work) and saying how well i looked and it was true

Happynewmumtobe - i like the idea of exagerating and possibly killing people lol.

thanks again it really does mean a lot to have people understand xxxx

I really sympathise with you too. It sounds as if you have a lot on your plate. I feel rubbish at pregnancy too, but for sightly different reasons. I did have sickness and tiredness, but not to the extent that you seem to have had, however, I just feel totally unexcited about the whole thing. People keep telling me how excited I must be about having a second child and I just don't at all. I feel scared and daunted by the whole thing. I feel like everyone (especially DH) just wants me to carry on as normal not complaining doing all the things I did before, running around after crazy toddler, working, cleaning, cooking etc, putting up with bad back and weird aches and pains and not say a word. I just feel like nobody understand how hard it is. When I was pregnant with DS everyone was kind and I was allowed a little bit of a rest but this time it is not like that at all. I feel as if the amount I am doing may have an affect on the baby, do you think it could?

Complaining now over, hope things get easier for you addictedtoharibo. XXX

"I feel like everyone (especially DH) just wants me to carry on as normal not complaining doing all the things I did before, running around after crazy toddler, working, cleaning, cooking etc, putting up with bad back and weird aches and pains and not say a word. I just feel like nobody understand how hard it is."

Woose - that is exactly how I feel. Noone even seems to mention my pregnancy unless I bring it up - sometimes I think Im imagining it and I am just really bloated lol.

I think - and I am hoping - that our bodies will let us know if we are doing too much. But i would just like some acknowledgement from those I care about that it is hard to be pregnant and get on with things as normal, especially when things are not straight forward.

It does make me feel better not to be alone though - although I wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone.

Axxxx

Addictedtoharibo... you sound just like I did in my first pregnancy. Am only 6 weeks with my 2nd so haven't had the sickness hit this time, but its starting to take hold. Am also studying and know how hard it is to focus when pregnant - your mind just isn't on it. You do need to go easy on yourself, sounds like life is very hectic and you need some time out. In all honesty I really don't know how you are managing a family, a PhD and a job... I know I couldn't.

I had antenatal depression with my first pregnancy and I gave up work at about 35 weeks I just wasn't coping. I found it hard to interact with people and was convinced they all thought I was rubbish at everything. I pushed everyone away from me and they just didn't know what to do. Although mine was a bit of an extreme case it might be possible that those around you aren't thinking badly on you, perhaps they just don't know what to say for the best?

I hope things get better, and make sure you do what's right for you and the baby rather than what others expect. Same for you woose put your feet up!

A few weeks ago I thought I was suffering from depression again. I have had depression on and off for years. I think it was because I just did not feel much about the pregnancy and felt so tearful and useless and unable to cope. I feel a bit better now, although not my usual self. I went and bought a cot for the new baby yesterday which I felt was a big move. I have been having trouble accepting the pregnancy and thinking it is all going to go wrong at any second. I had my 20 week scan last week and thought that would help but it hasn't really. It was lovely seeing the baby, but somehow did not feel real IYKWIM.

I was going to start a new thread before I saw thing one about how I felt a bit isolated and abandoned by the midwives etc. I had an appointment at 16 weeks and then nothing now until 28 weeks. I had appointments every 4 weeks for my first pregnancy so if I had any worries, even if they were silly i could ask about them then, but this time I don't feel I have that option. We were told we could phone the maternity ward and ask a MW anything at any time, but the things I feel are not really tangible things they are problems going on inside my mind and difficult to explain. I could never phone up and speak to them about this.

woose it sounds like antenatal depression to me. Just the same symptoms as I had. I think you would be best to see your GP if you have a good GP and talk to them about the situation. IME the midwives had their hands full dealing with pregnancy, they didn't have enough time to deal effectively with me. Although they were very caring and I am sure would be more than happy to hear from you and would like to help as much as they can.

If it is any help I found the cloud lifted the minute DD was born. I was in love with her immediately and felt back to myself again. It is hormonal and as soon as you start to tell people how you feel you start to feel better as it is a weight lifted.

Definately get some advice woose, I regret not acting sooner as I wasn't able to enjoy my pregnancy. It affected my relationship with DH and with friends and family too which I also regret. Do you feel like you could talk to your GP?

Haribo I think you need to take some time off work to get yourself back on track, you're doing far too much! I didn't feel anywhere near as rotten as you but I wouldn't have dreamed of trying to fit in all that you are fitting in. It is no one elses business when you start your maternity leave, if you want to go early then go early, but I would tend towards getting yourself signed off sick if you can for a couple of weeks to recouperate and then see how you go from there.

Thanks for your comments Lenni. I kind of thought I might be depressed again but was a little bit in denial because I didn't want to go back on anti depressants again. I was on them for a while during my last pregnancy and had regular councelling which helped I think. I do think I could talk to the GP. Many of them at my practice are lovely and understanding and they would know my history. It is good to know that the cloud lifts once the baby is born. Even though I feel this way I sort of know inside that once the baby is born I will feel ok again and be able to bond well. It is just a case of getting through these next few months.

Haribo

Looks like you are getting plenty of support from the guys on here which is great!!

Just wanted to pop in to say that although I am starting to feel a little bit better (17 weeks now) I just don't seem to very good at the pregnancy thing - i can honestly say that after I had DS I found the early moths which everyone was scare mongering about to be a breeze in comparison to the pregnancy.

Everyone copes differently - don't be too hard on yourself

Gem - that is what I hate - people telling me "well if you feel tired now wait until...". Yes if you find pregnancy relatively straightforward Im sure life with a newborn is more difficult but for me at least last time it was much easier. For one I wasnt being sick several times a day and could actually eat a balanced diet. I slept more with a newborn (who fed every two hours) than I did throughout my pregnancy. People just dont get it and those sorts of comments are horrible - you'd hardly say to an ill person "just wait until" would you. Seriously - if life is really going to get so much worse with a newborn I will not cope

I am forcing myself to accept I am ill now and cannot go on like this and will talk to work tomorrow about at least spending more time working from home. Have a load of marking to do at the minute (am a lecturer) so at least that can be done lying in bed. Its just psychologically letting myself do that - Im scared if I give in and stop fighting I will just collapse but guessing this way Im going to collapse anyway lol.
xxx

Haribo
It sounds as if you are doing the right thing. I am sure your work will be understanding I work in Higher Education and they are always very supportive towards pregnant women. You will feel so much better just to talk to someone about it too.

By making the decision to rest you are not giving in at all, you are listening to your body. It sounds as if you are a very strong person to me and I am sure you will cope very well with two little ones.
XXX

Starlight - can I keep a mini version of you in my pocket and bring you out to tell people that each time lol?

I had the same experience as LenniEd. Despite crying over every midwife no one raised the possibility of ante-natal depression and I didn't even know it existed at the time. Also, like LenniEd, I was better the minute baby popped out. It was like a cloud lifting and I just felt better from top to toe - very weird.
Personally I think pregnancy is the most miraculous job in the world and you should be as kind to yourself as your situation allows while you undertake it.

You poor thing. I HATE being pregnant and understand how you feel. I'm 32 weeks at age 39 with No 3 and felt rotten and exhausted all the way so far - no blooming whatsoever. I too was trying to do too much (renovating two houses and moving house at 6 months) and in the end your body just can't cope. You absolutely need to listen to your body and your emotions and give yourself a break.

Are you part of a due in Sept thread? I find my Due in July friends really keep me sane. It really helps to know other people have the same thoughts and experiences as you. It's the perfect place to winge! You need to moan to someone!