Anyone else feel a bit rubbish at pregnancy?

[addictedtoharibo]

So Im 24 weeks now and so I get told on what seems like an hourly basis by friends and random strangers I should be blooming. When I say I feel terrible they warn me how much worse its going to get (thanks) or how dreadful it will be when the baby is here. When I say Im thinking of going on mat leave at 32 weeks I get somewhere between raised eyebrows and an alright for some look or a horrified "I worked until the baby crowned" look.

In reality I feel terrible. Im still being sick but "only" a couple of times a day. Still feel nauseaus all day but "only" like a bad hangover not like Im dying anymore. Cant eat a lot and only specific things - still weigh less than when I started. Tiredness has hit and I am exhausted beyond belief but as soon as I lie down my eyes ping open and I cant sleep. Feel tearful all the time and like I cant cope with things and just want to lie on the sofa and be pathetic. And to top it off I have a stupid cold (wow I really sound pathetic lol sorry!)

Am I completly wrong in thinking I should try and take it easy and cut back? I have a stressful job, am doing a phd and have a complete whirlwind of a toddler meaning Im leaving the house at 7 am and often still working at 10pm at home. DH always seems to be working or studying himself - out at least 4 nights a week and most of the weekend and we have no family support. Every time I mention to DH, friends or my mum that I want to cut back and spend some time at home on my own and I really need some support I get the looks described above. They think I should be working far later and cant understand why I feel so bad now.

Am I just being pathetic? Should I just pull myself together? Im really not looking for sympathy (although would be nice lol) just someone to understand how crap I feel and not to dismiss it. Or for some practical ideas of what I can do to get over this. I know a lot of people think that pregnant women should just get on with it and stop moaning but I really feel like Im about to collapse - although dont really have the time for that one lol.

Anyone else feeling as pathetic or is everyone superwoman? Am I really being that useless??

I'm another. Actually, I'm blooming now - at 36 weeks. Haven't had a single bloom or even anything remotely like a bloom up to now - but I've vomited plenty... Hate pregnancy, want the baby to come tomorrow so that it's all over. (I mean that in a positive way!)

On another point - the PhD. I completed mine some time ago, but never ever let anyone tell you it's easy. For me, it was the hardest thing I did (but I haven't had a baby yet...!). People often think it's a lot of sitting around and reading etc, but it's pretty life consuming, and although v. rewarding, don't underestimate the amount of work that you're putting in. Writing up was hell - and a bit like pregnancy (apparently) you forget the pain soon after you've got the thing! If you're working and writing your PhD in your 'spare' time, I wouldn't blame you for going off at 32 weeks. You must be knackered - most people are, and that's without the extra job of being a mum and being pregnant.

Step back a bit and look at what you're doing - you're a better, stronger woman than me! Toddler, pregnant, PhD! Amazing!

Also:
'Tiredness has hit and I am exhausted beyond belief but as soon as I lie down my eyes ping open and I cant sleep. Feel tearful all the time and like I cant cope with things and just want to lie on the sofa and be pathetic.'

I was like that with just the PhD! I think it's hard for people who haven't been through it to understand how taxing it is.

Essie - perhaps its the phd not the pregnancy lol. I am getting to the stage where I am starting to panic with it as it needs to be in next summer. I remember last time desperately nesting in terms of my phd and was running around trying to design and conduct a study at 39 weeks pregnant (in between being admitted and discharged to hospital with high bp) with my superviser just shaking her head at me - she'd given up trying to get me to stop.

I think I really need to step back from this and learn to let go. I am just surrounded by people who appear to cope fantastically though (alhtouhg as you point out they are not balancing work/phd/being a mummy) and feel a failure for wanting to cut down and relax (god this sounds reminiscent of my pnd from last time - only just hit me how similar the feeling is and I swore I wouldnt get pnd again - control freak me??

Really need to take a step back and consider how much I am actually doing I think...thank you

EEC - I love people who hate being pregnant. I dont mean that in a bad way but being surrounded by superwomen just makes me feel pathetic. For people to admit its not easy really helps.

How did we get to this state where women are just expected to do it all? My DH pretty much goes to work and comes home - does a little childcare eg when hes home he will put ds to bed (all of 10 minutes at most) and a bit of housework eg load the dishwasher but we are often left juggling work, home, children and being pregnant on top of all of that. And hes not even the main wage earner. Obviously I wouldnt want to step back to our grandparents time and be chained to a sink but seems we all do so much these days...

xxx

Pregnancy for some women (me included) is wall to wall hell. Everything that can go wrong probably will and you will never quite feel good.

Actually that's not quite true, I had four hours last week when I felt fecking marvellous - but this turned out to be delirium as I was promptly hospitalised for dehydration

It's a myth that every woman blooms, as someone much wittier than me said here a few months back - 'I don't bloom, I fester'.

But the good news is, that it does end eventually and you get a baby out of it. Otherwise, it's just a shocking pain in the arse in every possible sense.

WMMC- lol at the delirium! I occasionally have dreams (if i sleep) when I dream about not being pregnant and feeling normal. Then I wake up and promptly throw up. Nice.

You are right about it ending though - I know it will and I think thats all thats keeping me going. Remember being horribly sick throughout labour, giving birth, then stuffing my face with every possible snack I could find and then demanding breakfast...

Starlight - that sounds like a fantastic idea (and one I should really do myself). I admire you for only keeping DS with the childminder for 2 days a week - I will be keeping DS in full time once Im off (although thats partly for his sake as hes very energetic and loves nursery but mainly for my sanity!).

Am going to do my best to follow your lead...

Someone once told me that a pg woman is putting in the same amount of physical effort when she is sitting on the sofa, as a bloke when he is climing a v. steep hill.

I have no idea if this is true or not, but it did silence my dh. .

And yeah, being pg is horrid. I went into hospital at 23 weeks the last time. After a couple of weeks, all my visitors started saying "wow, you look so well!". Err yes, that's because I'm resting all day!

Fruit - that's true. My pregnancy book says that your body is working 40% harder than a normal person, even at "rest". I'm rubbish at pregnancy too. This is almost certainly my last time, so I feel that I should appreciate it a bit more - but I don't! And I'm not even half way there yet.
I have family visiting this week. I always think that that means that I'll get a break, and I'm always disappointed as I end up running around. This time I think I need to be a bit more graphic about what I need and just tell them to take DD to the park so I can put my feet up.

I like that statistic. Wonder if I could get it made into a t shirt...

Someone should start a board called 'pregnancy is horrid' or something! I've had AND, and it's been awful (apparently it's linked to bad pregnancy sickness too - according to my magazine!). I found that mumsnet really helped and I wish I'd found it earlier.

I used to cry at home when people said 'oh you're pregnant, how wonderful' because it didn't feel wonderful and I thought I didn't deserve to be pregnant.

I think it's good that there are threads like this one - and I always try to post my bit on them - because AND and crap pregnancies are sort of taboo, nobody talks about either thing.

Yes there is a general view that pregnancy should be a wonderful experience and women should be serene and have that kind of misty im thinking about my baby look on their face all the time isnt there. I wonder how many women genuinely feel like that and how many are just putting on a front.

Yes of course I am over the moon to be having another child - but that doesnt mean I have to love every second of pregnancy especially because if I wasnt pregnant and feeling like this I wouldnt be expected to be enjoying feeling like it! I just wish people would be more understanding and not just assume their experience of something is the same as someone elses.

xx

Unfortunately I am not allowed by my contract to take leave during term times. We do not have set holidays but when the students are here we are expected to be here (unless its an emergency and I dont think this would count). Then by the time the students are not here its not really worth taking unpaid leave as we dont have a lot to do - can hopefully get away with popping in a couple of mornings a week.

So am desperately holding out until then...

well managed to post that under my formal mumsnet name lol - so much for whinging about life under my secret identity lol!!!!

Thats what happens when you try and spend time on mumsnet at work!

xxx

I hated being pregnant, and I hated being told that it would all be worse when the baby came. Just open the oven door for me to stick my head in, why don't you?

It was better once the baby came, horribly tired though I was, I didn't have the sick fluey exhaustion I had all through pregnancy. I should have gone on maternity leave long before I did. I stayed at work till 37 weeks because so many people told me DS was likely to be overdue but I only 2 days before I was taken into hospital to be induced. I still feel cheated.

Be good to yourself, you're doing an amazing thing!

Its that attitude that is really getting me down right now - that it will be worse - along with the raised eyebrow "if you think its bad now" look.

I KNOW it wont be as bad as this (providing everything is relatively ok, touch wood) as I wont have that awful feeling that you talk about. But they have no experience of the awful sickness and fatigue and therefore label me as naive and a bit weak now. Its that attitude and the (real or imagined) feeling that they are thinking "yes dear you just wait" or talking about me to their partners when they get home or something. Wow im getting paranoid on top of it all lol.

And why is it ok to tell someone who is obviously suffering and needing some support that its all going to get worse?????

I'm 32 weeks with number 3 and am still waiting to bloom from my first pregnancy. (waves hello to feloow due in Julyers)

I had a mc last year so am totally delighted to be pregnant and can't wait to meet my little girl but so far I am have been in agony for weeks with SPD, have acid reflux which just makes you feel yucky, had sinusitis, a chest infection, a cold for over 3 weeks and every time I coughed I wet myself, pulled a muscle in my right shoulder which was agony and am so so tired.

I think I have a touch of narcolepsy because if I sit down for too long I fall asleep. Yesterday I was too tired to do anything even though DP was here and doing things I just couldn't be bothered. By the time my other DDs go to bed all I want to do is sleep myself.

Sorry but from experience having a newborn is nowhere near as bad as being pregnant.

Wait, so Haribo, you're also Amy at Swansea?

I moved from Swansea almost 2 years ago - I'm at Bangor. Uni of Wales (or not...). Anyhow, I'm in the same position with taking leave during term time. It's not in my contract, but there's an agreement that none of us would do it!

Yes (waving in an upwards direction towards Bangor!) ...Amy (and from swansea) is my real name which I disguised in early pregnancy so I could chat (moan) on here! But I also use the boards for research - and I cant really use the name addictedtoharibo for asking people to take part in my phd lol. But I was using my real name earlier today and just forgot to switch over...

Yes - its not a contracted thing is it but just one of those underlying rules you cant really break. Am very lucky in a way that pregnancy is at the end of the summer as things are slowing down now - apart from the endless marking!

Even after the most unbelievably cr*p birth, and with a prem baby to look after, it was still better after the birth than before.

Hang in there.

Oh how delightful starlight!! How supported you must have felt there. Hmmm.

My midwife just had a habit of stating the obvious. Apparently contractions were going to hurt. Oh right!

Have now had a flashback to rather amusing labour moment after dh reminded me. Once labour was really going strong I would moan and groan my way through a contraction whilst frantically sucking on the gas and air then once it had stopped cheerily announce "that bloody hurt but was no where near as bad as being pregnant".

After every single contraction for a good hour...