Too old to by mother?

[KateKin123]

Ladies, I'd just like some support. I'm 42, my husband is 56 and we have a 4-month-old daughter. We've been trying for 8 years and we've given up hope. It's been a hard road. Now she is here and we love her endlessly. But my neighborhood reacts badly. My friend told me that I am too old and that I have ruined my daughter's life. And she's far from alone. I don't know how to deal with this. It hurts my heart so much. I know I don't have to let it get to me, but somehow I can't. Do you have any tips for dealing with someone else's stupidity? And should I worry about my daughter suffering because we are old? Thank you so much.

MN is laden with threads from mothers who had babies at your age, and older. Ignore the haters and enjoy your daughter. You are not too old.

I had my 2 aged 38 and 42, one month before my 43rd birthday. Ignore your friend! You are not too old. Enjoy your beautiful baby.

People need to keep their damn opinions to themselves unless asked.
My husband was 52ish when we had our first. We're now having our 3rd and hes got more energy than I do.
As for ruining your daughter? With what? Love? With a stable family home? With opportunities that you can provide as "older" parents that maybe a 20something year old couldn't?
How horrible of you op, that poor child will grow up knowing how wanted she was and what a precious thing to you she is....

Don't listen to them - what joyless people not to see how happy you are.

Also (and not to be morbid!) life expectancy is much longer these days. You could live to 100 and have half a century with your lovely daughter. Fuck 'em. As long as your daughter is loved and cared for, you're not ruining her life.

Enjoy your baby - what a wonderful thing to know, that you can have a happy healthy baby and be old enough to know how to make the most of it. (And for her to know how wanted she was.)

You need better friends. It’s very common to have a baby at your age.

OP people all over the world have children in “less than ideal” circumstances.

Too young, too old, too poor, too big an age gap between children, too many children already etc etc

The ONLY thing that really matters in the end is will the children be loved and nurtured.

Being older as a parent has upsides as well as downsides. You are likely to be more financially stable and have more life experience/wisdom to offer.

Fundamentally it’s possible to argue that anyone having a child is being selfish. No child asks to be born. We make a decision to have a child based on our desire to procreate, pass on our genes and to be a parent.

Your child will not suffer as you are an older parent and may in fact benefit from it.

In a similar vein (as an only) I get infuriated by the number of people who think I missed out and my parents were selfish (and that I must have been spoiled).

It’s just a silly generalisation people use to a) justify their own choices b) make themselves feel superior (I love being an only btw, was never “spoiled” - wtf does that mean anyway - and have never pined for a sibling).

I think you just need to see it for what it is. Uninformed clap trap and just tell these “friends” to wind their necks in, unless they want you to critique their parenting choices.

i don’t think you are too old - but I do think your husband is sorry but it is what it is.

I had my first when I’d literally just turned 23. I’m now 16wks with second at 42!
I am so much more patient and more stable and have so much to give another child.

ignore them. Think of all the positives you’re providing and what you can bring to their life. Much love

42 is very common in central London and other big metropolitan cities like NYC or LA. Don't know where you are based.

My DH is 54 and about to become a dad again. It's quite common in our social group - second or third marriages, age gap between husband and wife etc.

Ignore them none of their business.

You need to learn to smile and wave and ignore and focus on your family

You can only control your own reaction

I had my youngest at 40. He’s now 16 and I’m fairly certain that he’d say that I didn’t ruin his life (at least not by being old 🤣)

The only major issue is being forced to carry on working to get then through university but your financial situation may be different.

you say you tried for 8 years to conceive her. Does your friend think you should have given up trying once you turned 41?

she’s a cow btw.

No. It is what you think. That doesn’t make it a fact.

That’s just your opinion. Doesn’t make it true

To be honest I wouldn't even blink at someone becoming a mum at 42. I find the fact you're getting such a reaction strange! Or is it more your husbands age they're referring to?

I was 33 so in the middle. The way I see it, 40's, 50's and 60's aren't 'old' anymore. People look younger, act younger and seem younger. Look after your health the best you can, although you're not guaranteed your parents regardless of when you were born.

Your friend is very rude. You tried for a long time, it happened when it happened.

My husband tells her every day: We've been looking for you with Mommy. Every day we wished you'd come to us.

And she starts smiling like she understands.) I hope she feels wanted in this world. Thank you very much.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. We're doing everything we can to be there for her as long as we can.

Thank you so much for your experience. I appreciate it.

Fingers crossed with the second baby. Children are a blessing. And thank you so much.

It's not common in my group, but I'm glad it is elsewhere. Thank you very much.

I was 45 when I had my miracle baby

I do make a bit of effort to take care of my health , I e I hate exercise but force myself to to do it and I live in a wealthy area so lots of older mums compared to the pooper area we used to live in so our age does not stand out at all

the average age of first babies has gone from 30 to 35 in last few years and I see that age going up with cost of living

this is madness, I’m 41 my baby is 6m everybody has been delighted for us. My sis-in law is 46 and has a 2 year old.

I'm sure at 16 he would have said what was on his mind :D

I don't know what she was thinking. I think I'm going to give up. She didn't go that route because she got pregnant right away. So she has no idea what it's like to look at 8 years of dozens of negative tests and answer the question “when am I finally going to have kids?”

Thank you very much. That's right. I so wished it would have happened sooner, but my wish wasn't enough :)

You poor things to have gone through all that heartache. Thank goodness you have your lovely little one at last - she was meant to be! Your “friend” is bloody rude and exceptionally stupid. Just laugh at her next time she comes out with this crap.