Too old to by mother?

[KateKin123]

Ladies, I'd just like some support. I'm 42, my husband is 56 and we have a 4-month-old daughter. We've been trying for 8 years and we've given up hope. It's been a hard road. Now she is here and we love her endlessly. But my neighborhood reacts badly. My friend told me that I am too old and that I have ruined my daughter's life. And she's far from alone. I don't know how to deal with this. It hurts my heart so much. I know I don't have to let it get to me, but somehow I can't. Do you have any tips for dealing with someone else's stupidity? And should I worry about my daughter suffering because we are old? Thank you so much.

Congratulations and thank you very much. I appreciate it.

It happens when it's right for us as nature intended. I believe everything happens for a reason :) people have been having babies in their 40's for a long time and it's common now. I'm sorry your friend has ruined a special time you waited a long time for.

Could she be jealous? I have a friend who misses the baby stage and comes accross a little jealous at times...

From the Tommy's website.
'Nearly 29,000 women aged 40 and over conceived in 2017, compared to just 14,739 in 1997.
The conception rate for this age group has more than doubled since 1990'

Thank you all so much for your responses. And thank you for letting me share this. I need to fight harder and settle into myself. You know, I've come a long way and I'm proud of it. I had an eating disorder and worked on it in therapy for 15 years. Now I can say I'm healthy. And I hope that my daughter doesn't have to go down that road. Hopefully she will know that her mom will do whatever it takes so that she, my little girl, can live a good life. Thank you, and I wish you all much happiness and love. Kate

I had my son at 35 and am currently 34 weeks with my second son at 44. Took a long time to have this pregnancy. My husband is 50.

Maybe he's jealous, I don't know. She's having a hard time. I'm not mad at her. I'm just really caught off guard. Thank you so much.

Fingers crossed that everything is okay. I'll be thinking of you.

@KateKin123 Still get anxious at times. Thank you ❤️

There is no way your friend actually said that

Your friend is being weird. I was 39 when I had my only child. We’d gone through ten years of infertility tests, waiting lists and procedures and then amazingly ivf worked first time. Nobody told us we were too old, my friends and family were just happy for us. I know several mums whose children were in my son’s class who were 42, 43- roll on 19 years, none of us have dropped dead yet and all our kids are healthy, happy and at university. I’m so very sorry your friend has upset you with her ridiculous views, at a time when she should be happy for you.
By the way, what did she think happened in the days before birth control?! Loads of women had babies in their forties whether they wanted them or not! It wasn’t odd then and it isn’t now. Many congratulations to you both on the birth of your beautiful little girl xx

I've just had my second daughter at 42 years old - what do these people expect you to do....agree with them and send your child back? Ffs.
You are going to have to learn to just rise above it. The newborn stage is hard enough without negativity like this consuming you

My mum had me at 42, and had my younger brother at 44. She now an active healthy 94-year old.
I had my twins at 47. I’ve friends at 44 and 47 with 1-year olds.
So I don’t think you’re too old at all.

If you were “too old”, your body wouldn’t even allow you to get pregnant in the first place. The fact that you were able to conceive and give birth at your age, you are NOT “too old”!

enjoy your baby and ignore the comments from people.

Fgs I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous my mother was 39 having me and I don’t even think of her as being old. I don’t know what kind of neighbourhood you live in. I live in Ireland and it’s always been very common for women in their 40s to have babies here as years ago there was very little contraception available, no one bats an eyelid

Old dad's club 🥰 Tell your DH he's not alone!

Theres no such thing as the perfect situation in which to have a baby . As long as you love and care for them you are a great mum.

Bloody hell, just ignore. People are awful. I had my second child at 42 and it’s been fine. He’s now 14, we are very close and have a lot of fun together. I don’t feel “older” in the slightest.

Congratulations 🎉 4-5months is my favourite age of baby 🥰

Mine are 2 and 4 now, I'm also 40 something.

Who cares what others think.

I was in my late 30s when I had my first and I was one of the younger ones in my NCT group. 40+ was the norm.

Friend had her 3rd at 46 and no one batted an eyelid
I think it is the area you live in that is the issue.

People need to get out more and look around at the world. Unfortunately the people saying these things to you are unable to, otherwise it would blow their small minds

My Mum was 40 when I was born. Dad was 43. I had the happiest childhood anyone could wish for. They were active and healthy till they got to 90 odd when they slowed down a bit. I was 49 when Dad died and 55 when Mum died. Enjoy your Baby and ignore everyone else.

Sounds like you need new friends! What a horrible thing for them to say. You're not too old.

Thank you all. You're so kind. And your comments here bring tears to my eyes.💚

@expat321 I will do 🥰

With friends like yours, who needs enemies?
So many children are sadly born into this world unloved and uncared for. Yours is much desired and loved. How is that ruining a child’s life? Children don’t see age- if anything they all think their parents are positively ancient whether they are 20 or 50! But they do feel the love and strength of the bond they have with their parents that shapes their sense of self and carries them through their whole life. That’s what really matters.
And life has no guarantees anyway. I have a friend who lost both parents before she was 16. One in a car accident and one to cancer. They weren’t even 40 when they died. No one knows what’s around the corner, and we can’t stop living our lives for fear of the unknown.

My friend told me that I am too old and that I have ruined my daughter's life.

Goodness, you need some better friends-that's horrible.

Enjoy your precious bundle :)

I’ll be 42 in May and I’m expecting my first baby in August. If you’re too old then so am I. Tell them to mind their own business.