Two potential Dad’s

[WholeHearted89]

I know I won’t be the first or last to be in this predicament and I am ashamed of my past behaviour but here we are nonetheless.

I find myself single and 30 weeks pregnant. My due date is 08/03/2025.

My LMP was on 02/06/2024. I had sex with previous partner on 11/06/2024 and then had sex with someone else the next day 12/06/2024. 🙈🙈 I know, not my finest hour. I did take the morning after pill on the 13/06 but it was clearly too late as I’d already ovulated.

Previous partner did not ejaculate inside and we had been using withdrawal as our “method” of contraception successfully since we had our son in 2020.

The other person did cum. Up until today I was convinced it was the other person’s baby but had a 4d scan today and baby looks just like DS. It has raised doubt in my mind.

Who do you think is most likely to be the Dad?

Definitely going to get a DNA test when baby is here (although ex partner is white and other potential Dad Asian so it may be obvious) but just feel anxious in the countdown. Didn’t want to risk amniocentesis when I was going to keep baby regardless.

OP sorry to add another element of confusion but - don't try to draw conclusions from baby's appearance too quickly. African babies come out very light-skinned; the melanin apparently only starts building up in the skin at birth, in response to sunlight. (In Swahili, very young babies are referred to as 'mbichi', 'unripe' - kind of makes sense.) I'd imagine that the same applies for Asian skin tones.

Also: I understand that you squirm typing this situation out, but as pp said, nothing wrong with a single woman having sex with two different men on consecutive days. And: do set your pride aside and claim maintenance. As pp also said, they knew the risk they took. Money does help with bringing up kids. Good luck!

You say she was a surprise but you had unprotected sex with two men

I dont think its that surprising that you have become pregnant

Well she took the morning after pill and it failed so it is a little surprising. What difference does it make?

It doesnt make any difference
I am just saying im not surprised , with or without the ‘morning after pill’

How is it helpful to your daughter to turn down money which could be saved for her future? She's already being born into a disadvantaged position, don't make it worse for the sake of your own pride.

Get the DNA, and go from there x I used a company called Cellmark it was £150 and results were emailed. Her father was adamant that he wanted no contact and I was adamant that I was financially responsible for her.... soon after paternity was confirmed, access and financials were sorted. I think everything changes when the baby is actually born.
Good luck x

This is very interesting to know, thank you :)

The only thing I can say is that the sonographer said she has a lot of hair already and my DS did not - but I know that is a trivial difference to go by :)

You are right to an extent but I think that because I didn’t actively desire another child, I put a mental block on the fact that it could actually happen.

just a mindset thing but I know basic science overcomes.

Also agree that you've nothing to be ashamed of, you're single, it's ok to have sex with whoever you want.

And of course the men who willingly came inside you should be obliged to pay childcare! Take the money and save it for your daughter.

Firstly I’m not turning money down - it hasn’t even been offered. And how is she born into a position of disadvantage? You know nothing of my situation aside from this detail.

Lots of lovely people on this thread, thank you :)

Did you also put a block on doubling your chance of getting an STD?

We're all adults here and we know it's not just about babies when it comes to why we need to protect ourselves.

Thank you. I actually hadn’t considered that until now.

🙄

I know you're being sarcastic (from the emoji) but why?

I mean why would you block out the fact you actually doubled your chances?

STDs aren't something to get sarcastic about.

So you are planning to make a child maintenance claim once you know who the father is? 'I don’t want anything from them financially' didn't give that impression. I think the disadvantages of only having one involved parent are quite obvious.

Sarcastic because I’m not above admonishment but I’d already considered that and had dealt with the matter.

And it’s also not what this thread is about but thanks for the two cents.

I don’t know yet. I don’t see how it’s relevant to what I asked in my initial post.

I think you are being naive. I know from many experiences that a child can be better off with only one parent if the other is completely inept.

My kids are mixed race but one of them came out completely white, he’s a lot darker now. If the baby is Asian then they can be any between you and dad!!
Google Mongolian blue spot and ensure this documented in the red book so health care professionals don’t think you’re hurting her.

This is what is worrying me slightly as I thought it would be obvious from birth 🙈

and thank you for that, I had no clue about Mongolian blue spot so I’ll make sure I let them know when she is here :)

Sorry I’ve just thought that our kids also had blue eyes when they were born which then turned brown. My niece is also mixed race and 18 this year and she’s often asked why she has an Asian surname when she is white. She has green eyes and curly brown hair whereas her brother has black hair and brown eyes. Genetics are amazing in that family.

Product of a single parent family here. The disadvantages for a child of trying to forge a relationship with a parent who is clearly disinterested are far worse than being raised by one loving parent. I reached out to my absent father in adulthood and he hadn't changed. I wish I'd never bothered.

OP has clearly stated she is financially and socially able to take care of this child and that's all you need to know - your comments about needing two parents are based purely on your personal opinions. Plus it's almost 2025 and society has moved on. Think of all the single people who adopt or conceive via donors because they never found a partner. Having a child shouldn't be reserved for women in relationships, which isn't a guarantee of stability and happiness in the first place.

My son is 1/4 Indian - was born dark skinned with black hair but his skin has significantly lightened up over time and he is now olive skinned with light brown hair. His Mongolian blue birthmark was quite subtle so was only really visible several weeks after birth when his skin started to lighten.

Loved watching My Two Dads in the eighties!

You can do a dna test now while preg without harming your baby

Is that an option - want to say around the £700 mark

Then least you then know and the dads

Rather then wait another 3mths

They both might be saying no don't want to be in babies life as might not be them

Why did you split from ex /sons dad but still obv Happy to sleep with him ?

Thank you :) if it is Asian man’s baby, I think she may be fairly light as he is brown but not very dark. If that makes any sense 😂🙈