Awful birth ‘options’ meeting

[Padronpeppersplease]

I’ve just had my 28 week birth options meeting with a midwife and wondering if anyone else has had a similarly pushy experience. She asked me about whether I intended to breast or bottle feed and also what I’m planning for the birth. I said I was 99% sure I wanted to exclusively bottle feed and then also that I was considering an elective c section. I’d heard previously that the NHS try and push both breastfeeding & natural births but I was not prepared for how pushy this midwife was! She said to me that bottle feeding was ‘way worse for baby’ and that ‘a c section was a million times harder on my body’ than a natural birth would be. According to her as my body is built for birth I don’t need to worry about the pain of natural labour and tears during labour aren’t anywhere near as bad as the potential complications of a c section, she also said that opting for a c section would limit the number of children I could have. Despite all this I’m still leaning towards a c section, I’m under no impression that it’s easy recovery & without risks but I honestly feel now like I’m doing something totally outlandish by opting for it.

@Lifeomars

I asked for an elective section (ended up needed an emergency one so it was moot in the end) and was given lots of scary statistics. When I asked about the risks of vaginal birth they were nowhere near as forthcoming. Thankfully the perinatal mental health team were more invested in listening to my concerns and their consultant was more supportive and more balanced in her advice.

She was just being factual. Breast is better for baby, and natural is better for you. She shouldn’t be telling you otherwise. No point dressing it up or pretending otherwise. She’s given you the stark reality- your antenatal classes will be the same.

Why opt to have an incision made in a planned way with something sharp than in an unplanned way with something blunt?

Hmm.

Welcome to motherhood! Every decision you make from the moment of conception until the day you die (and after!) will be judged by other people. Do your own thorough research and make your own choices. Just smile at and ignore all the other opinions you don't ask for but people still feel entitled to give you.

People are entitled to their own opinions (although it's an abuse of power imo to give them forcefully in a situation where outcome differences are small) but they are NOT entitled to their own facts.

I would jus ignore any pressure either way, do your research and make the best decision for you. I am an older mother and had my first at 41. I tried vaginal but the baby was distressed and I ended up with an emergency section. Took me and the baby ages to recover, and I never established breast feeding which CAN be related to c sections, apparently, but I expect lots of people manage both.

Anyway, when I was going to have my son a few years later, my consultant recommended an elective section. No real discussion- age and previous experience made it the logical option. The midwife later tried to encourage me to try a vaginal birth (I think she thought I might have been pushed into it, which i suppose I had been). Anyway, I went with the c-section and although it wasn't what I would have chosen ideally, it was night and day a better experience than my emergency one and I recovered quickly. Never regretted it, although again, I failed to properly establish breast feeding.

The main positive for me long term has been better bladder control and no long term birth injuries. However, not everyone gets those problems anyway, and it is major surgery, so please do lots of research. But ignore pressure. It is YOUR body and your decision. Good luck whatever you choose.

The NHS is a needs led service not a wants led service.
If you want something that is not clinically indicated like an elective c section " just because" you should go privately.
The midwife was absolutely correct breast feeding is better for your baby
And vaginal delivery is what is provided as standard on nhs

I think what makes the biggest difference is a well informed Mum for the choices she is considering. If you know what to expect and why you are choosing the way you want to do it you are more likely to be taken seriously by medical staff.

I was interested in doing it as naturally as possible and avoiding as many possible interventions as possible. I did a lot of research when I was pregnant about the biology around pregnancy and birth. I decided I wanted a home birth - my doctor didn't want me to the first time and refused to prescribe pethidine which is the only pain killing drug other than gas and air you could have at home. I think it was to scare me into going to hospital but I had a wonderful and supportive midwife.

I ended up having four children, all born at home, all my births were quick and easy and without pain relief. I successfully breast fed them all. I am pretty sure that my research really helped me have what I wanted. Not so much because it could have made a difference if things had gone wrong but because I could relax when I gave birth. I knew what I should be feeling and experiencing at each step and not masking the feelings with pain relief helped me go with my body and be able to move freely. I genuinely got a real sense of female power from those experiences - probably the endorphins talking lol.

I would obviously be an advocate for natural birth but I know that we are all different and have different pregnancy and birth experiences and needs.

Actually that’s not correct for current guidelines. It changed a few years ago. Any mother can request a c section as a preference

@Padronpeppersplease I feel like a lot of this thread has gone off topic; reading your OP it seems you went into these decisions quite informed. At the end of the day, this is your pregnancy, your body and your baby, and you ultimately get to decide how you birth baby, and feed baby. That's your right regardless.
Yes, your midwife has a duty of care to you to inform you of the facts, but, it should not be done in a derogatory way that makes you feel 'less than' for your choices.
I've opted for a ELCS, and my midwife has been fantastic about it, so was the 3 different consultants I met along the way, they informed me of the risks, but did so in a way that was factual and not negative, they also highlighted how low those risks are. And I'm more than happy with my decision on how to birth my baby, it was the right choice for me.
In regard to feeding, I've been honest that I'd like to try breastfeeding, but if it's difficult or too much I'm not opposed to formula. Again, nothing but support from my midwife. Fed is best, and some of the best advice my midwife gave me was

1. the mental well being of mum is a priority, if breastfeeding is a detriment to that, then formula is best.
2. if you were to stand in-front of a row of adults, you'd have NO way of telling who was breastfed or formula fed. - that one stuck.

My best advice would be to do all your research, there is a fantastic group on Instagram if your on it called csection Uk. Very very informative, very pro choice and will give you all the information you need and could want based around the procedure, risks, recovery and subsequent pregnancy's from experts, not Mumnetters who push a narrative based off little info. They also have feeding consultants on there often who give lots of information around breastfeeding, combi feeding or formula feeding.

It may also help to go into your next appointment with your midwife armed with all of that information so she can see you've made informed decisions. But please don't feel like you're being 'outlandish' for your choices. You'll find lots of threads on here regarding c sections which are very positive, especially the elective ones, yes it's major surgery but if it's what you want knowing that, then that's absolutely fine! X

When it comes to giving birth, any woman can request a c section for no medical reason and it will be provided on the NHS. You may think that you should have to go privately, an opinion you’re entitled to, but this is not currently the case.

I always thought C section were medical emergencies?? Gosh don't know where I've been.. didn't know you can just ask for one?
The joys of giving birth out weigh the pain .. once you have your baby in your arms.
There is epidural isn't there? I'm old l guess.. just had my two with gas and air.
I've had hysterectomy and other laparotomies.. no way would l want abdominal cuts if l could avoid it..
Many years later the cuts still get sore.. and over hang isn't nice the older you get.
Honestly l never knee you could just request one.. surely it's a lot more expensive for the NHS??

Been through both. My "natural" was way more traumatic, stressful, and difficult to recovery from than my electives. Yes if you have a "textbook" natural delivery than it's much better for you. These aren't guaranteed though. If you want to certainty of an elective and are aware of the risks and recovery then it's up to you what you decide to do.

Also for future try posting in parenting or pregnancy and not here where everyone coughed out their baby to whale music and easily fed them from the breast until they were five.

Lots of people on this thread are trying to railroad the OP into a vaginally birth, like the midwife.

The best thing to do is keep an open mind and see what happens during the birth. Or even choose a planned c section.

Not every woman's body can birth a baby vaginally. It depends on the mum's body and the baby. My firstborn had a really large head and he got stuck. There was no physical way for him to come out other than emergency c section.

After listening to weeks of NCT classes I felt so guilty I was not able to give birth vaginally, even though I later realised we would both have died without this option.

The recovery was hard but that is because I went through stages of labour for hours and then had an emergency c section.

With my 2nd I chose a planned c section and recovery was quick and the birth was calm. I was out of hospital within 24 hours.

As with feeding, see what happens and how you feel after the birth. Have the bottles and equipment in stock and then you will have the freedom to breastfeed for a bit or not at all.

Back in the real world any one reading the Ockenden report would quite rightfully question the ability to safely birth vaginally within the NHS! And yes breastfeeding results in overall lower infection rates but the benefits are often overstated- a lot is made of the gut microbiome with little understanding of the real world implications, and remember all their guts will be the same at weaning time. Increased rates of obesity may relate to the fact that obese mothers are more likely to be unable to establish breastfeeding - so it's the family's food choices and genetics rather than the milk that causes this. The increased rates of allergies are again in those epigenetically predisposed.
Remember all this is on a population lecel- not an individual one.
There's no good evidence of different health outcomes for adults based on their infant feeding method.

This is so true.

Really? You have never heard of an elective caesarian? You don't know any woman who had a large breach, obrow presentation with a small pelvis, twins with on transverse lie or a health condition which resulted in a recommendation for a CS?
You have led a very sheltered life.

Irresponsible post - your "research" did not help you get the birth you wanted. Luck did. The reality is, you have very little control over birth. You had successful home births because you were lucky.

‘That’s bullocks’ is not very persuasive. Why don’t you try providing some reasons why you think my arguments (physiological changes; mother spends more time feeding) aren’t true or relevant?

Nothing awful. Absolutely standard approach. Both of these are your choice but they will push even more in the future weeks so if you thought that was awful you really need to prepare for some more difficult conversations especially when you talk to the consultant about the csection.

I hear you. I did want to try to breastfeed, but it became clear very quickly that it wasn't going to be the best choice for baby or me. Baby was too small to latch properly due to being pre-term, and the stress of being unable to feed my baby was not good for my mental health. We combi-fed for four weeks before we moved to formula completely, and I felt so much relief when I made that decision. Had I been successful with pumping I might have continued a little longer but that want to be.

Ultimately you will know what is best for you so don't be afraid to state your viewpoint and ask the questions you need to ask. Wishing you all the best.

I had a planned C section booked due to placenta problems with twins and then ended up having an emergency C section. Some things I wish I knew:

• no labour no hormones to start breast feeding no tummy being shrunk back!
• A child gets their all important stomach bacteria from going down mum's birth canal.
• A child's shoulders touch each side of birth canal mimicking crawling which is important in getting child's infant reflexes to go dormant...if they don't it causes heaps of problems for child development like I have discovered. Google infant reflexes not going dormant before you make up your mind.

I was very happy that my C section meant not stress incontinence...but would happily accept stress incontinence now for the extra time spent looking after kids whose infant reflexes have not gone dormant. Bright kids - just more physical and psychological issues. I did not breastfeed either as my milk did not come in - but their is immunity in mothers milk which might help your child not get as many illnesses.