Due December 2024 - thread 2

[CatCaretaker]

Follow on from the first thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5032929-due-december-2024?page=40

@CatCaretaker baby will be fine, I've carried far heavier while pregnant and he's absolutely fine. I think people just like to be kind while you're pregnant, I have people often offer to carry my shopping to my car or stuff from work to my car. They won't take no for an answer, I'm just enjoying it tbh 😂😂 take advantage haha.

I'm feeling super deflated at the moment ladies, I'm in my last two and a half weeks at work. And we've had someone go off sick (with a sick note) but it's one of those staff members who pulls a fast one quite regularly.
It's putting the team under so much pressure and I can feel the stress knowing I'm also off in two weeks time. Leaves them incredibly short staffed, especially in the lead up to the christmas period.
I almost feel guilt that I'm going off, which of course I know I shouldn't, I have a bloody good reason! and they all know that too. Just feel bad... trying to do damage control before I'm off but it's pretty hopeless.

@LilyJessie

Maybe get short sleeve as well

Retrospectively I think my daughter was cold at night, even though I knew the room temperature and I followed the lullaby sleep advice on dressing her

So I feel quite anxious about having to do it all again with another winter baby

@Lunamoon23

Honestly that's good of you, but it's not your problem, put it out of your head because you have your own stuff to deal with. You certainly shouldn't feel guilty

They will figure it out, it's not your responsibility

Unfortunately I am manager so it sort of is my problem. I know there is little I can do about it once I'm on maternity, as my little one is due a week and a half later. Just awful timing and a frustrating situation.. the atmosphere in work is horrible. X

@Lunamoon23 totally get how you feel about leaving your team short. I am a manager too but have been fortunate to be able to go off early using accumulated annual leave (finished work at 32 weeks).

I did spend quite a bit of time fretting about tying up loose ends and making sure things were handed over before I finished.

I will admit I still check my emails occasionally incase something important has been sent to me that needs passed to another manager (even though I’ve set my email to out of office and clearly stated I am off on Maternity leave, but people still send things!).

Who is covering for you while you’re on maternity? I would start handing things over to them now so there’s time for them to ask questions while you’re still at work. Then hopefully will be easier for you to wind down knowing someone else will have things under control and they hopefully won’t need to bother you when you do eventually go off!

@MaybeBaby2024 our supervisor is stepping up in my place while I'm on maternity leave. She's great but this situation has just thrown a real spanner into the mix. We're a really small team, so while of course sickness does arise from time to time, long term absences cause a real frustration. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't also going off, we'd manage fine. But two members down at the same time - in the lead up or over the Christmas period, chaos.

I've handed everything over to her so far, the day to day operations she's got under control. But, this sickness note is currently open ended - so their hands are effectively tied. It's especially frustrating because (although I shouldn't be biased) we all know this staff member is blagging it. They're 'one of those' staff members. Which makes it all the more frustrating and it quite literally came out of the blue! Not that sickness is ever a planned thing... but I'm sure you understand. (It's not like a surgery or something sinister)

I feel selfishly disappointed aswell that my last remaining weeks at work before going off aren't happy and joyful. They're stressful and a-bit depressing tbh with you... because everyone's morale has just dipped. People are feeling resentful.. it's a difficult situation.

I've told my boss that while I'm off I'm always available to help where possible, from home. If there is a major problem I don't mind helping. It's hard as a manager to just switch off from it all isn't it?! We're so used to being in control! X

@Lunamoon23 yes it is hard! Similar situation in my team too with a couple of staff on long term sick who have form for doing this all the time.

The team will be short, but we are allowed to get people in to cover and thankfully the people managing things in my absence are very capable so trying not to worry too much!

Have to start being selfish and focus on ourselves and the babies! Don’t get any prizes for running yourself ragged. What’s the saying? You can be replaced at work but you can’t be replaced at home.

Honestly @Lunamoon23 maternity leave isn't being off, it's really hard

I do understand how you feel, I was the same with my first, my job was part of my identity and it was really hard letting that go for a while. I worked for my mother as well, so it was never fully out of the picture, but matrescence is no joke.

Work will be there when you're ready to go back, in my experience there is always ups and downs in any business, but try not to spend your last couple of weeks feeling stressed, it's not worth it. Things will probably be completely different by the time you go back.

Also, I'm definitely the pot calling the kettle black because I was massively stressed my last few weeks before maternity leave with my daughter, but I really regret it tbh. It didn't do me any good.

No you are right, it's out of my control. Out of all our control really.. and it really is what it is. Just wish it hadn't of happened now of all times. But, it'll be what it'll be. X

Thank you everyone for replying!
I am super nervous for the whole temperature and dressing because my head doesn't seem to retain anything! Glad you're all here!
Best get some short sleeve vests to cover all bases.

Also, how stupidly cute are their clothes 😍😍

Ladies, any previous c section mums here advise, what pain relief where you discharged from hospital with?
I will be being discharged the following day (all being well), I've read a lot that you're often discharged with nothing more than paracetamol and ibuprofen. I've also read alot NOT to accept that, and push for more pain killers especially for the first few days.
Just wondering what others experience was? 💖

@Lunamoon23 I was sent home with nothing, but didn’t need anything than some paracetamol for the first few days, which surprised me.

From my previous MN group, it really varied with some having stuff sent with them, and others like me and had nothing.

@Firsttimetrier interesting! And did you feel okay with just paracetamol?

It does seem crazy to me that you can have major adominal surgery and be sent home 24 hrs later with just paracetamol. My step dad had keyhole hernia surgery a couple months ago and was dosed upto the eyeballs for over a week at home and then was given more once that ran out by his GP.
That's without the bleeding, breastfeeding, uterus contracting and having a newborn to care for 😂

@Lunamoon23 I was fine with just paracetamol. I think I was just very lucky with my recovery, tbh. We went to Westfields on day 3, and we spent half a day at the Tate Modern at week 3 (we live in London, but tubing into central was fine etc). However, I have friends who were the complete opposite and were still struggling and their recovery took a while as they had infections/scars reopening etc.

I’d opt for another section if we didn’t have a toddler, but I just don’t think I’d recover that well again.

@Lunamoon23 I was discharged with liquid morphine! As well as paracetamol and ibuprofen, and a laxative but I can't remember which one. I might have been ok without the morphine although I just followed the dosages given by the hospital so perhaps I never had the chance to be in pain. My recovery was pretty easy too, I was up and about pretty much straight away no issues with scar, no pain or infections etc. Must admit I was fitter last time round though and worried about my toddler wanting lifted this time 🤦‍♀️ but not necessarily about the surgery or ability to heal this time.

@Firsttimetrier oh okay, that's really reassuring to know. I've read a lot that many people do cope with just paracetamol and ibuprofen. I've got a literal draw full of the stuff ready 😂 but I don't know weather to ask for something stronger to be discharged with for the first couple of days, so that if I'm finding it tough I have it to hand rather than having to chase it while in pain. Especially knowing how hard it is to reach a GP these days.

@HelterSkelter224 I think my hospital offer the oramoph in hospital, but if you still feel you need it after the 24hours they're reluctant to discharge you. And I'll be honest, I'm keen to get out as quick as possible (hate hospitals) but I know they can give something stronger to go home with so may push for that! X

@HelterSkelter224 I’m the same, the toddler is the scariest bit 😂 not the surgery, recovery etc, just the toddler. I’m going for a VBAC, so really hoping it happens as my husband will only have 2 weeks off this time and starts work so early (he’s a teacher), so nursery runs at on me.

@Lunamoon23 another one here who left after 24 hours and just took paracetamol at home. Was fine, made sure I regularly got up and walked around and was able to do trips out after a few days. Friends who stayed in bed had much worse recoveries so I think it’s all about mobilising yourself asap.

Oh I hope it works out for you! 🤞🤞🤞🤞

I have been weighing up vbac also for toddler reasons but for various other reasons it's not right for me sadly 😔 Trying to prepare my 3yo from now for no lifting but she loves a cuddle (and a piggyback!) 🙈

I am so, so lucky that my husband's work gives very generous paternity leave otherwise I don't know what we would do with no family etc. nearby.

Agree about getting up as soon as you can. I think this really helped but I might have been doped up on the good painkillers lol. My first was a winter baby so we didn't go far but I was definitely out for walks with the pram after a few days. I didn't ask for the pain relief that's just what they gave me and I followed their instructions, I can't believe it's so different at other hospitals!

Girls anyone been referred to the maternity and neonatal psychological intervention team due to previous birth trauma? I'm not sure if it's the same or different to the perinatal mental health team (I was meant to be referred to them months ago but never heard anything) but I do know this appointment was specifically to help me prepare for birth following previous traumatic birth and post natal depression etc. I have my call with them in 30 mins and I must admit I'm feeling really anxious about dredging everything up and going through everything again and have no idea what to expect from this call or even what the outcomes will be. I didn't know they were called the psychological intervention team I just thought it was a midwife calling me.

Apparently they'll help me write my birth plan and make sure I am listened to this time but it was just when the appointment letter came through the door the other day and I saw the words "psychological intervention" that I started feeling super anxious. I really just thought they would help log a birth plan and now I'm feeling wholly unprepared about discussing my mental health and history (which to be fair has not been great). I'm grateful for support I just with I was prepared and knew this was coming!!

Anyone any experience to share?

@Lorelaigilless aw that's really reassuring. I was reading an older thread on here last night and some women were saying it was months before they felt well again, which sent me down a rabbit hole of panic. But I've heard a lot that moving little and often is really helpful, and drinking lots of fluids and eating nutritious foods as of course your healing within too.

Thank you ladies @HelterSkelter224 @Lorelaigilless @Firsttimetrier

Also sorry @HelterSkelter224 only just saw your post. How did it go? I had a face to face meeting with a lady from the prenatal team and my midwife two weeks ago Thursday, regarding my birth plan and anxiety/depression. My depression is managed really well but I have quite bad health anxiety especially when it comes to hospitals. (Due to childhood trauma) and honestly, she was amazing. Didn't make me feel the slightest bit silly, really listened, reassured and noted down everything. I am still awaiting the report she said she would send, which I'll chase at my midwife appointment this Thursday, but otherwise I couldn't fault them! X

Thanks @Lunamoon23 it was ok it was an initial assessment call, frustratingly she kept saying how the referral should have come through much earlier so they could have supported me throughout pregnancy especially given my history (much, much longer fertility and loss journey before the whole birth carry on) but we are where we are! I was on the call almost 2 hours and honestly just feel absolutely exhausted now. I have a follow up next week and they'll work through an emotionally- and trauma-informed birth plan and perinatal plan with me so I'm relieved at that. I do feel much more supported / held / listened to this time round. But I'm mostly just drained and tired right now so I've ditched work for the rest of the day and am eating chocolate biscuits and catching up on mafs!!

Try not to worry too much about your recovery after c-section. It is obviously a longer recovery than most vaginal births simply because it is surgery (!) but you can manage it quite well and as you say move little and often, eat well and stay hydrated and your body will let you know your limits x

Also @Lunamoon23 I'm so glad your chat went well also I think it's so important and reassuring just to know that the support is there if you need it, and that you are being listened to. Sorry to hear about your previous hospital trauma 😔

@HelterSkelter224 it's disappointing you haven't had the support sooner, but it's great you're now on their radar. The great thing about that service is they specialise specifically in prenatal support so you know hopefully you shouldn't get messed around. I felt SO much better after my appointment knowing that every staff member I come across would know my needs/wishes. They also made it possible for me to have a side room on the day/night and have my DH stay with me the whole time, that was super important to me. Tbh I didn't leave them much choice 😂 I told them in no uncertain terms that if he couldn't as soon as I could walk I'd be discharging myself. I couldn't bare the thought of being stuck in hospital without him there. The day of my csection isn't going to be easy for me, with such a heightened fear of hospitals and medical professional. Trusting the process etc I'll really struggle with. But I keep trying to tell myself, it's 1 hour (the surgery itself) and then I'll have my little boy in my arms. Oddly the pain and recovery I can deal with, once I'm out of hospital and in my own home, not worrying about medical professionals coming in and poking and prodding me. I have quiet a high pain threshold and can manage myself quiet well in that respect, it's just where others are concerned.

Can I ask, I am due to have my csection between the 9th-11th of December they think (haven't had the date yet). Am I being unrealistic to think I'll be ok to go to a Christmas Eve event? It's at a Manor House, it all gets done up with lights and is really festive and they have festive food stalls etc. we go every year and I really wanted to go this year with our little boy and this year we've invited family. I haven't booked tickets yet because I'm unsure. It'll be about 3-4 hours of walking/standing around but can be done at a slow pace etc. And I can sit when and if I need to.. x