Pregnant, 40+ and Proud: Fabulous Mummies Sign Up Here!

[Takenoprisoners]

Following Ms Dynamo's wonderful news of her pregnancy and all the rest of us who are coming out of the woodwork ...a new, morale-boosting thread for those of us in our 40s currently going through pregnancy.

Come on, sign up: we are 40+ and FABULOUSLY PREGNANT!!!

Hello all,

It has just taken me ages to read all these posts!
I will be 41 when Tiny arrives in September. We will have a 8.5 year gap from ds to Tiny. I wasn't planning to have another baby until we lost our older son in a road accident last year. I want ds to have a sibling again. I always did fancy being pregnant again, but was happy with 2 children.
I think women trying for a baby in their fifties is taking it too far, but your forties is quite young really
We thought about testing for DS, but decided against it. It was good that dh and me agreed.

I have added myself to the list

Wahwha - 15 May
Shulli - ClOSE!
Christie1 - May 29
jeanjeannie- 30 May
takenoprisoners - 4 July
Disneystar - 17July
Kaz196 - 18 July
johnworf - 15 Sept
iapanemagirl - 16 sept
LouiseAnn - 23 Sept
Hedgepig - 4 Oct
Babycakes - 4 Oct
Rosa - 11 Nov
Pwcbird - 1 Dec

All the best to all of us

One thing that strikes me about our varying 'takes' on testing is that we all have one huge thing in common: very careful consideration, in some cases, agonisingly careful, before making our decisions either way. Do you think this is largely because of our greater likelihood, having reached Fabulous 40+, of being better informed now and more knowledgeable about various options, as well as the confidence to see our choices through? I think this is so in my case: had I got pregnant back in my middle 20s, when I was first married (ironically, I didn't want to have children then and had no idea that it was going to be so hard for us when I hit my 30s) I would probably have gone along with any testing offered without much thought for any consequences. Probably.

Hello LouiseAnn and welcome to the thread! So very sorry to hear of your loss of your older son but I am so happy for you that you are pregnant again and can take joy from that.

Yes, 40s is definitely young, as this thread can testify!!

I don't know. I kind of wish I hadn't put my thoughts down earlier as I'm one who has decided to test and I feel I have to justify it - though at the same time I don't want to have to. But in honesty I think it's my own, personal stuff going on in my head. I feel guilty in a way for wanting to test and part of me wishes I could be like you who don't or won't. I'm actaully finding it quite upsetting. DH is trying to be supportive and is very 'it's your choice' but he's such a typical man and just thinks I'm mad and hormonal and gives me a squeeze before switching on the football! I'm just trying to think sensibly but please don't think I don't want this baby desperately or haven't thought very hard about it. x

Takenoprisoners - thank you for the welcome

pwcbird - you don't need to justify having testing. It some ways it is the responsible thing to do and gives you the knowledge on which to base decisions. As Takenoprisoners says, each of us needs to think it through for ourselves and our family.
I know what you mean about the typical man response. They usually mean well. Do you have anyone else to chat it through with - Mum, sister, friend? People on this thread are friendly too.

Oh Pwcbird - you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. It seems to me that we're probably split down the middle with test/no test and your reasons for going ahead with the tests are the perfect example of "very careful consideration" I mentioned above. And each situation, and pregnancy, is different. You have got very valid reasons for your choice and you have to go with your own instincts on it, having weighed up what's best for your family. I feel very sad for you that your friend gave you a disapproving face and comments about it - that's just what you do not need to hear. It is all such a delicate issue and the slightest comment from someone could make any of us have the collywobbles about our decision, whether we are having tests or not. Don't be upset about posting your thoughts on here ... that's what it's for and we are here to support each other and back each other up whatever our choice

Sending you lots of good thoughts for your test in a couple of weeks' time, TNPx

You're all so lovely and thank you for your kind words. I actually think I must be having a mad and hormonal day today as am feeling a bit weepy. Only 9+3 so I'm allowed I do have people to talk about it with, though like on here it's pretty split so, in the end, you just have to go with what your heart and instincts say.
Anyway - I have to away now as DDS has smeared a blueberry muffin into the rug (which I very earth-motherly cooked this morning) whilst I've been on the computer. Ahh... real life eh.
LouiseAnn - so sorry for your awful loss and like TNP so happy that you are expecting again. xx

pwcbird I am the same as you I have decided to test and that is based on what I need to know and my families circumstances. Testing does not necessary mean that you would have a termination it just gives you information on which to base your decisions. My DH and I are scientists and we just had to know what the risks are, which I why I tested to find that out. We are just all trying to muddle our way through the world in the best way that we can, so please don't feel guilty. I'm sure no one is judging anyone else on this subject. Sorry this sounds a bit soap boxy but I have edited it 3 times and this is the best I can do!.

To be honest I'm just glad we live in a country where we can have testing if you wish and make decisions if we need to, in some countries it just wouldn't be available.

Hi everyone, I have found all these comments about testing real food for thought, as this is the hardest thing facing any age parent at the best of times. You are all extremely brave either side of the coin and I admire your strength. I think at 40+ we're pretty tough cookies, and can handle most things better than those young 'uns out there.

On a final note I would like to know how up to date these statistics for DS are anyway. Does anyone actually know? There are more of us fab 40's having babies than ever before, apparently twice as many in the last 10 years. And we're all in such good shape compared to previous generations because we own dishwashers and things, and look after ourselves a bit more

meant to add, congratulations to minniethemoocher for your positive scan results!

pwcbird don't feel guilty we are all different you have to do what is right for you. You feel you need these tests then that is not a weakness or something to justify it is something you have considered and decided you need full stop. What we want or need is irrelevant this is the right decision for you.

louiseann a big HELLO! and what a sad loss for you and the family...and what a lovely gift you have arriving in Sept. Thanks for updating the list...Ooo there's a lot of us about.

pwcbird I totally agree with everyone who's said please don't feel guilty about testing. It's there, for you to take advantage of if you want to...and it really doesn't mean that you think anything less of your precious bundle. I know when I had my horrid results and CVS I read quite a few threads on here...and some posters (probably not realising) gave an edge to some of their responses that started to make me feel bad about my decision...and uncomfortable with my reasons. Maybe some people do have problems with it...but that's their issue. I think you'll find (as I'm doing) that this particular thread is very supportive of indivdual choice - so do keep us posted

Before I forget...anyone got recommendations for slings? Tried baby bjorn....but am fancing something a little more earth mother'ish' this time...!!!

I decided to test too. I thought very hard about it before I even started trying to conceive. My thinking was that the only real risk to a child conceived at my advanced age was that of chromosome abnormalities. So if I was prepared to test for those, and terminate if there was a problem, my child would be no more likely to suffer health problems or disabilities than any other child. At my age (46) the risk of chromosomal abnormality is so high (about 1 in 18) that screening tests are irrelevant, so I chose to have an amnio at 16 weeks (after weighing the advantage of an earlier result from CVS against the possibly bigger risk of miscarriage). Fortunately my results were normal, so I've been able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy with one major worry eliminated. I can't say for certain what I would have done if things hadn't turned out so well, but I know it would have been a heartbreaking decision.
I do find it difficult posting about this, as others have said these choices are very personal, and I totally support all those who have chosen differently.

pwcbird, I?m keeping my fingers crossed for you with the CVS.

Anyone know approx how long the 20 week scan takes? I was thinking around 30 minutes but I might be wrong.

msdynamo I read the other day that the rise in over 40's mothers is higher than teenage pregnancy %age wise....that's real food for thought - we're outdoing those young whippersnappers!

Have added myself to the list - I'm due today!

Didoreth - 30th April
Wahwha - 15 May
Shulli - ClOSE!
Christie1 - May 29
jeanjeannie- 30 May
takenoprisoners - 4 July
Disneystar - 17July
Kaz196 - 18 July
johnworf - 15 Sept
iapanemagirl - 16 sept
LouiseAnn - 23 Sept
Hedgepig - 4 Oct
Babycakes - 4 Oct
Rosa - 11 Nov
Pwcbird - 1 Dec

didoreth how exiting, any twinges yet!

johnworf the letter I got from my hosp says the the 20week scan takes 20 to 30 mins. Although if they can't see everything they will send you for a walk about to see if the baby will move.

Hello agian everyone. Here's what happened at my 20 weeks scan. The sonographer was aware that at my age (44) every fraction of a millimeter of nuchal fold fed into the computer makes a really big difference in the number the computer churns out at the end. This is because the coputer takes age itself as a big risk, irrespective of the thickness of the nuchal fold. So she spent about an hour trying to get the baby to move into the optimal position, when the neck would be neither bent nor stretched, to get the most accurate result. In a way it was reassuring, but actually it felt a bit depressing, because there is so much anxiety around us older mums. (Incidentally, she herself had had kids at an older age herself!)And this is the point I wanted to make. The availability of the various tests is in many ways wonderful, but also they contribute to a culture of fear around pregnancy and birth and older mums. This is why when I posted a while back in these discussions I said I admired those of you who stuck to your guns and decided not to test, because what I think I am saying is that you seem to have resisted the fear and anxiety, both yours and that of the healthcare people. These tests lead us to immagine we can escape or avoid disaster, something we all know is not really true, as we heard so sadly from LouiseAnn. Anything can happen at any time. Pregnancy and birth are such a vulnerable time and its natural to look for reassurance. What reassures you, though, doesn't reassure me. And we are truly dealing with a situation where there are no 'right' answers.
So although I feel we are more sussed out, perhaps more willing to stick to what we feel is right, perhaps we are also in a ore vulnerable position as women over forty. On a positive note, though, the hormones definitely have levelled out and I am not nearly as mood swingy, anxious etc as I was in the first two trimesters.
Love to all

johnworf my 20 week scan took about an hour but that is because someone was not being cooperative normally it is about half an hour

Good morning everyone. Please can we have some cheerful uplifting posts today? I think we need it

Thanks girls for your info on the 20 weeks scan.

shuli is it routine to have the nuchal fold looked at, at this scan?

Can I just say, my baby is the biggest lazy arse I've ever carried! It hardly moves (that I can feel) and it's ALWAYS in the same bloomin place. Not too bothered by the seemingly lack of movement yet at it's early days (20 weeks) and I know it's ok as I use the doppler each day - incidentally, this is the only time it moves when it wants to shove the doppler away!

Obviously takes after it's father......

You know, this probably makes me sound dreadful, but when I was pregnant with DS and wanted to feel him move I used to put on my MP3 player and get some music going on in my head and that always did the trick. It may not be your cup of tea but a bit of hip hop (!!) always made him dance about His personal preference was RUN DMC and It's Tricky! Didn't seem to do any harm.... he still likes to dance to music now.

Just a v. quick note to yesterday (and I agree msdynamo - let's get jolly today) thank you to all your kind and lovely posts. You lot are lovely and it's true that whatever views we have, we can still be supportive to others. Enough gushing already!!

pwcbird I'm gonna get my Tone Loc 'funcky cold medina' track out and see if bubs like it or maybe a bit of Black Sabbath!

Honestly, it barely musters a movement all day - dunno if it's me though as my placenta is anterior and I wasn't exactly Twiggy when I got pregnant

Ok ladies here it is, the very sad news that...yes, stands up, says Hi my name is johnworf and I'm addicted to.....baby changing bags (everyone claps)

I really am developing an unhealthy obsession for all things Yummy Mummy, Stork Sac, Oioi and Skip Hop. My DH things I've lost the plot - I probably have.

Thank you johnworf - you are among friends...we can help and support you (to make the right purchases!!) I still love my Stork Sac 17 months on and, if money allowed, I would be addicted to baby bedding and all things 'nursery'.

didoreth how you feeling today...any signs? How exciting.

msdynamo I love your comment about being young through owning stuff like dishwashers....I've never had one - but today dp is plumbing one in.....*thrilled...soooo excited. I'm hoping for a lifestyle revolution AND to look instantly 10 years younger