I wake up every morning thinking I want an abortion.

[noirmum]

I think I’m about to be 8 weeks but I’m not 100% sure until I get a private scan in 2 days. Every single day when I wake up and feel nauseous and whenever I try eat anything until about the 20th mouthful I feel it coming back up in a horrible way but I know it won’t come back up which is torturing me the most. I’m 18 years old and I was so excited for a few weeks about my pregnancy until morning sickness hit. Day 1 I was nauseous from early morning to late late night to the point I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t lay down because I had to get up because of how sick I felt. It went on for a few days then disappeared. Me and my fiancé now sleep on the couch together so I can sit up straight and also lay down and I love him for how caring and supportive he is so far. As this is his child too having an abortion is a conversation we both have and I find it’s become daily. I can tell he’s sick of it but from being healthy and active to being in bed sleeping during the day and eating my first meal past 4pm because of the sleep I can’t get at night it’s a big change and a nightmare. I have emetophobia a fear of throwing up which is making these few weeks terrifying. My fiancé is in the military and works 12 hour shifts 4 times a week so I’m alone in the house dealing with it alone and his work give no care about it whatsoever. In those 12 hours he’s on shift for 4 hours of it which I think is terrible. The person who deals with it has a kid with her boyfriend who’s also in the military so she’s bias and can take him off when she wants but not my fiancé when he just wants to look after me during this horrible time. I know I don’t want an abortion at all but there’s times where I’m literally crying to my fiancé saying I can’t take it anymore telling him how much I want to sleep and be able to eat food again. How much I want to go out to museums and castles again. Thinking pregnancy literally makes you bloom I fell into it and now I’m trapped knowing I will never mentally recover no matter what I do. Thinking of abortion daily because of my sickness is horrible. Has anyone else experience this type of mental breakdown?

@FTMaz
@pinkfleece

People with your levels of empathy shouldn't be replying to posts like this.

Op, if you're still reading, I'm sorry I will now stop derailing your thread by arguing pointlessly with people who cannot grasp what it's like to be young and in your position. For what it's worth to you I actually think it shows maturity to have reached out here.

I struggle to let posters like that go unchecked because they have no idea of the wider consequences of their posts.

Please seek real life support from professionals such as your doctor or future midwife team who will have compassion and understanding for your position. They will be able to help support you to make the right decision.

Don't choose a termination based on the opinions of people on this thread who do not even know you.

- I know what this feels like, you're not alone

This is such a great post, sharing personal experience, a longer view, and practical tips. 👏

Are you pro life? sounds like you are. OP has stated she thinks about terminating everyday, yet we aren’t supposed to validate those feelings?

@FTMaz

You have not validated her. She has clearly stated she is thinking of terminating a wanted pregnancy due to the sickness. You've told her sickness can be improved but she should consider it because of her immaturity.

I'm pro supporting my fellow humans when they ask for it.

Bless you 🥺, I had really bad nausea from around 7 weeks - 11/12 weeks like what you describe. It can be so awful and in the thick of it the sickness did put me off the idea of having anymore children, speaking to other people this isn’t uncommon. Now that im on the other side of it, my feelings aren’t the same! I will say whether a baby is planned or not, it’s not unusual to have reservations when you’re actually pregnant.

If you genuinely feel like you want to terminate that is completely up to you, but I would say for a lot of women the morning sickness is somewhat temporary & there are things that can help; vitamins b12/b6, anti sickness meds, sickness bands, if you’re taking vitamins assessing whether they make you feel worse.

I would say definitely say if your midwife has been in contact with you already, please reach out for guidance. You might feel differently if/when you get relief!

Hang in there girl, feel free to private message if you want to talk x

Again, if you read my initial reply it states that perhaps if she is considering a termination she has deeper concerns than the sickness which given the post I would say is the case. It’s clear she is struggling with lack of freedom hence the reference to visiting ‘museums and castles’ and feeling ‘trapped’. One of the hardest things about having a child is lack of freedom and that takes a long time to return. She also sounds heavily reliant on her partner, with an expectation he will be off work to look after her when she is sick. using the word ‘immature’ is often seen as a dig or slight but here it is actually just factual.

So now you're a psychologist 😂. I'm out.

Op, best wishes. I hope things improve, whatever decision you make.

Hardly need a psychology degree…I can just read 👍🏼

others have given good advice about anti sickness medication. but have you tried simple Gaviscon, if you are not actually being sick? you might be describing acid reflux?

best approach would be to resolve the nausea and THEN see how you feel about a termination

Echo the other about seeking help for the sickness/possibly reflux.

The heartless and ageist ones saying “just get on with it” perhaps don’t fully appreciate the severity of HG and the crazy hormonal shifts your mind and body are undergoing.

You said you were excited about the pregnancy at first. The shift to considering termination and the trauma it’s causing you suggests peri-natal depression/ anxiety.

You need support, not judgement. I wonder if they would say the same thing to someone suffering with PND despite perinatal depression being just as real.

i specifically mention my age for this exact reason. The reactions will be different if I don’t. If I left it blank though they wouldn’t assume I’m not ready to be a mum when it’s been my dream because I’ve always wanted to work with children. I’m young but it wasn’t a shock when I got pregnant at all. It’s as if they didn’t read it properly and see how much I want this child and have a fear of being sick at the same time which is something I can never get over.

I rely on my fiancé because he works 12 hours a day every single week and they never allow him to spend time off. If you don’t realise I’m 18 and if you didn’t fully read it I have emetophobia fear of vomiting. I’m 6+ hours away from anyone I know because I had to move down to get a house with my fiancé near his work. It’s obvious you’ve never experienced mental health during pregnancy but I don’t see why you’re shaming me and wanting and abortion when I clearly state I was excited but sickness took over. Some people abort because they slept with a one night stand. Would you judge them? If not why would you judge me and say I’m not ready to be a mum just because of how it’s effecting me. It’s as if you have no idea what we sacrifice just to bring a human into the world that will never appreciate you for what you’ve done. This is my first pregnancy and I’m young but it wasn’t a shock. I was ready but it’s never talked about how horrific it actually is. You can’t expect anyone to fly through it. Please be considerate to me and others in times where we feel so sick we’re bedridden. I may be depressed and ill but if It eventually goes away I will never regret the decision to be a young mum and bring my child up the same way I was raised and luckily I’ll have the energy to keep up with them. Thank you for your interaction with my post but please be more respect to people this is not YOUR baby or YOUR pregnancy. You’ll never understand how it feels unless you’re in my shoes same as other people in the same situation.

You can just ignore the comments about your age .. what did you think about the other ideas speaking to me or Gp ?

@noirmum what do you do for a living?

@NameChangeForReason Hyperemesis is completely different to morning sickness. Why are you disgnosing OP over the Internet?

Some people abort because they slept with a one night stand. Would you judge them?

What does this have to do with anything?

FWIW I think the poster who questioned whether OP was ready for this baby did so because she wishes her boyfriend to have time off work to look after her - which doesn’t bode well for e.g. having to look after a baby when tired or unwell. Plus 18 is very young and they sound undecided, which is fine!

Yes I had hypermsis and was sick alot every day throughout two of my three pregnancies and I did get to that dark place with my third but same as you I also knew I didn't want to really have one. Hopefully itl pass when your 12 or 13 weeks. Are you actually being sick or just nauseous? I found the being sick actually gave me relief from it for a short while the constant nausea is worse but I understand when you have a fear of sickness being sick would be worse

Hopefully it will pass what I can tell you is I'm so thankful I didn't give in due to it. Its not something I even think about now unless someone is talking about experiencing it. If you decide to go with an abortion that's okay too.

As an aside I fell pregnant the first time at 18 and whilst it was young I didn't struggle at all and loved being a young mum, 19 years later I'm happy I had my first child young and I'm still with my now husband 24 years later. It sounds like you are both in a good place with a roof over your heads and your fiancess career and a loving relationship, so ignore anyone who slates you for it.

I miscarriaged a very much wanted pregnancy but boy was I relieved for the hyperemesis to stop. I hadn't had a full week at work in 5 weeks. I had nausea 12h a day vomiting everything I ate.

My sister as a young adult had a nonviable pregnancy, she also had severe hyperemesis and had dropped a lot of weight given she was underweight to start with this was a problem. She had a choice of waiting to miscarriage or to terminate for medical reasons. The decision to not wait was purely due to the hyperemesis.

There are medications options. I was on cyclizine in my first and third trimesters with my daughter and I tried cyclizine and prochlorpreazine in the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. Reach out for support about the sickness and terminating the pregnancy. It's ok if the sickness is more than you can cope with and decide terminate. It's ok if you get support for the sickness and still decide that termination is right for you. Just talk it through with as many people who will listen. Termination is not something that most people enter lightly. It's a decision usually made when all other options feel worse. Ignore anyone that gives advice or comment that doesn't fit your experience and don't be afraid to contradict them. My midwife told me that at least with pregnancy sickness is disappeared when you ate. Nope! Not for me!

I hadn't diagnosed OP.
I was replying to other posters who dismissed it as just 'morning sickness' seemingly obvious that a HG exists and is a recognised medical condition.

I'm really sorry you've had such a lot of judgemental comments, @noirmum

Please do go to your doctor to get medication. You'll feel a lot better with any luck.

Wishing you well, whatever you decide.

OP get to your dr asap to get meds for your sickness, I've had friends who have had to be hospitalised so get help asap.

I am worried about you having a baby in your situation OP, not necessarily due to your age but because it sounds like you have absolutely no help or support around you and your partner works very long hours. I was in a similar situation at 30 and I found it extremely hard. Having a baby is relentless, the sleepless nights feel absolutely endless, having to get up and feed and change nappies at all hours, the crying drills into your brain, taking care of yourself suddenly falls way down the list of priorities, things like hoovering and cooking feel impossible, the loneliness of being stuck in the house alone all day with a baby that seems to scream about everything and anything or just for absolutely no reason at all. Feeling like you will never have your life back again and you will be tied to this child that screams and shits and throws up and screams again forever.

You had no idea how hard being pregnant could be so I think it's important to understand just how hard having a baby can be too.